Last Day

Today is the last day of 2013.

Nickelback sings the song

“If Today Was Your Last Day”

and a few different lines of the lyrics really speak to me;
each day's a gift and not a given right
try to take the path less traveled by
against the grain should be a way of life
what's worth the prize is always worth the fight
leave your fears behind
do whatever it takes
every second counts
‘cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
would you live each moment like your last?

But what if this was actually my last day? What would I want to say? I guess what I’d really want is to make sure that YOU, knew that…

 

You are God’s child.

John 1:12

You are Christ’s friend.

John 15:15

You have been justified.

Romans 5:1

You are united with the Lord, and are one with Him in spirit.

1 Corinthians 6:17

You are a member of Christ’s body.

1 Corinthians 12:27

You have been chosen by God and adopted as His child.

Ephesians 1:3-8

You have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit.

Ephesians 2:18

You have been redeemed and forgiven of all sins.

Colossians 1:13-14

You are complete in Christ.

Colossians 2:9-10

You are free from condemnation.

Romans 8:1-2

You are assured that God works for good in all circumstances.

Romans 8:28

You are free from any condemning charges.

Romans 8:31-34

You cannot be separated from the love of God.

Romans 8:35-39

You have been established, anointed and sealed by God.

2 Corinthians 1:21-22

You are confident that God will complete the good work He started.

Philippians 1:6

You are a citizen of heaven.

Philippians 3:20

You have been given a spirit of power, love and a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:7

You can find grace and mercy in time of need.

Hebrews 4:14-16

You are born of God and the evil one cannot touch you.

1 John 5:18

You are the salt of the earth.

Matthew 5:13-14

You are a branch of Jesus Christ, and a channel of His life.

John 15:5

You have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.

John 15:16

You are a personal witness of Christ’s.

Acts 1:8

You are God’s coworker.

1 Corinthians 3:9

You are God’s temple.

1 Corinthians 3:16

You are a minister of reconciliation for God.

2 Corinthians 5:17-21

You are seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm.

Ephesians 2:6

You are God’s workmanship.

Ephesians 2:10

You are may approach God with freedom and confidence.

Ephesians 3:12

You are do all things through Christ, who strengthens you.

Philippians 4:13

Who I am in Christ...

But, for today, He has given me a voice. And with that voice I will speak of His great love for me and for YOU.
You are loved more than you know!
Your life matters.
You have eternal significance ~ not because of who you are, what you do, or how you do it, but because of the One who made you.

{And, of course, I’d tell my family that I love them more than they know!}

If today was your last day… what would you say?

Blessings

Monday!?!

It’s one of those mornings… AND it’s a Monday.

Tell me, please, who out there loves a Monday morning; {even with a nice steaming hot cuppa tea sitting right beside you} especially the Monday morning after the week after Christmas. Today is a day of mixed emotions.

These few days between Christmas and New Years can feel heavy.

The gifts are unwrapped, only a few crumbs of all that baking remain, and the kids have headed back to their own homes.

This is an awkward in-between time … a difficult season, and I’m struggling.  It’s the kind of morning where throwing out confessions feels freeing. Don’t judge...sometimes it’s just good for the soul.

Confessions like;
I haven’t cleaned in two or three Ahem, ten days.
Or, that my counter is full with dirty dishes, again, and the laundry has actually piled up!
Or, I could somewhat-embarrassingly confess that I don’t want to wash my hair today because I am exhausted from the previous week to even give myself some self-care.
Or that I am glad to have my house back to “normal”.
Or that I counting down the days until the hubs can head back to driving bus.

It has been a busy, fun-filled, laughter ridden, over-eating, family-loving, time together, well spent, week.

annnnnnnd, I am exhausted!

oh, don’t misunderstand me, we had an amazing Christmas!

… and yet …

How do you overcome the after-Christmas blues?

Blessings

Puppy Love

We brought her home 5 years ago today, and named her Sasha.  

According to wikipedia a best friend (friendship), is someone with whom one shares the strongest possible kind of friendship. Even though she is not a person, I would consider her my best friend and here's why:

each and everytime I come home, whether I’ve been gone all day or for less than a minute, she greets me with such genuine affection by wagging her tail and running all over expressing her excitment;

just spending together is enough, whether we are walking down the country roads, sitting on the couch or heading our for a road trip, never caring the destination; 

she gives me her unconditional love and loyalty.

She's become such a part of our family, that I truly cannot imagine life with out her.

Blessings

Christmas 2013

Breakfast was served on the table with care

while beautiful Christmas music filled the air;

Then presents were given first to the dad

 then to our girl and he did not so bad;

 from daughter to mom, given with love

 and from me to our other son, whom we belove.

 Each brother gave a gift; from one to the other

 and even the puppy got one from the mother.

Many wonderful memories we made that day

 playing several different games while we laughed away!

Our day was such a delight; Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight!

Blessings

Merry Christmas!

To: you

 

From: us

Blessings

Beautiful View

With the snow that gently fell overnight, I knew I had to get my camera and head outside to take some pictures of the glistening trees

 and the snow covered ones

 the winter wonderland

  and the cozy farmhouse

 Blessings

Fabulous Fantastic Favourite Fiction Five

Regular readers will remember this challenge and how I accomplished it by 28 weeks and then gave myself a new goal and completed it before the year was even up!  So, I thought I‘d share a few of my favourites.

The Trophy Wives - Kristin Billerbeck
Haley Cutler is the consummate trophy wife. Perhaps was is the more accurate term. Haley married Prince Charming when she was only twenty—back in the day when highlights came from an afternoon at the beach, not three hours in the salon.
Unfortunately, after seven years as Jay Cutler's wife, a role that provided significance and what she thought was love, Jay walks out, and Haley finds herself with few life skills that translate to the real world, not to mention a sense of amnesia about who she used to be. But before Haley can find her way, she must meet with Jay's lawyer, the strikingly handsome Hamilton Lowe. Although she can't stand his self-righteous contempt for her divorce, she takes his suggestion to attend a group at his church called "The Trophy Wives Club," a Bible study composed of women who have been dealt a raw deal. Haley's never been into the whole Jesus thing but could really use some friends to walk her through this phase (how do you apply for a credit card anyway?).
As Haley begins to realize that she really can stand on her own two feet, she also learns that sometimes in losing we find the real reward . . .

The Truth about Dandelions - Hayley Linfield
Mara isn't a slut; she just can't find what she wants. She wants to forget her mother's death, her father's hypocrisy, and the plane crash that follows her. As a child she couldn't understand why the grass never got cut, and now as she gropes her way through university life, all those weeds, those dandelions, have stayed with her, haunting her dreams.
She can't see a way out of her dark hole until she gets hit by a car on an Ottawa street and starts spending time with Jack, the guy behind the wheel. Kind, thoughtful, and a virgin - he's the last person she'd ever expected to fall for.
As she opens up to Jack, the wounds she’d been trying to ignore surface, and she’s forced to finally choose between running from or facing the past that’s been haunting her all her life. Through nights out looking for release to the ultimate event that forces her to face herself, Mara finally learns the truth about dandelions.

Trust your eyes - Linwood Barclay
Thomas Kilbride is a map-obsessed schizophrenic so affected that he rarely leaves the self-imposed bastion of his bedroom. But with a computer program called Whirl360.com, he travels the world while never stepping out the door. That is until he sees something in a street view of downtown New York City. Thomas's keen eyes have detected an image in a window...an image that looks like a woman being murdered.
Thomas's brother, Ray, takes care of him, cooking for him, dealing with the outside world on his behalf, and listening to his intricate and increasingly paranoid theories. When Thomas tells Ray what he has seen, Ray humors him with a half-hearted investigation. But Ray soon realizes he and his brother have stumbled onto a deadly conspiracy.
And now they are in the crosshairs...

Family Pictures - Jane Green
The gripping story of two women who live on opposite coasts but whose lives are connected in ways they never could have imagined. Both women are wives and mothers to children who are about to leave the nest for school. They're both in their forties and have husbands who travel more than either of them would like. They are both feeling an emptiness neither had expected. But when a shocking secret is exposed, their lives are blown apart. As dark truths from the past reveal themselves, will these two women be able to learn to forgive, for the sake of their children, if not for themselves?

The One Good Thing - Kevin Alan Milne
For as long as Halley Steen has known her husband Nathan, he has carried a handful of stones in his pocket. Each day he uses those stones to remind him to follow the Golden Rule, moving a stone from one pocket to the other with each act of kindness. So it's not unusual that Nathan stops to help a stranger on the side of the highway while on his way to his son's football game one Friday evening. But that one act will change all of their lives forever, when a car hydroplanes off the road, killing Nathan instantly.
As Halley and her children Ty and Alice struggle with their grief, Nathan's spiritual legacy lives on. A Facebook page appears, where countless stories about Nathan's selfless acts are shared. But among them is one that stands out, from a woman who says that Nathan saved her life. Neither Halley nor her children have ever heard of Madeline Zuckerman. But soon Halley discovers years of e-mails from this woman to her husband on his computer that refer to "our little girl." How could her husband have kept the secret of this other child for their entire marriage? Why had he lied to her? Was he not the man she thought he was?
Only thirteen-year-old Alice maintains unwavering faith in her father. She knows there's an explanation. When she sets out to find Madeline and learn the truth, she will start to unravel the complex story of The One Good Thing Nathan Steen did that had the greatest impact of all.

Blessings

ps.  How about you?  What was your favourite read this year?

　

　

Expectations

I’ve been thinking, {scary, I know} with Christmas just around the corner and the family all coming home for the holidays, I must admit I have been having a few moments of sheer panic... there is such pressure of making it special, added stress of wanting everything to be magical and mix in a little worry involved in trying to create the wonder.

Why do my expectations have to be so high? Why do I hold myself responsible for the joy of it all? Not just for myself, but for everyone else.

I have this image in my own mind that Christmas should be something grand. You certainly won’t see the hubs getting himself into a stressful frenzy trying to make Christmas magical and wonderful. I guess one could argue that if we left Christmas up to the old boy nothing would get done at all! And there may be a little truth in that, but maybe we can learn something from him.

Sometimes I have big dreams that have to be laid aside because I just can’t do it all.

Profound statement, I know, but I bet you can relate.

It hurts my heart to confess that I just can’t maintain it, but I can’t. And every time I try I fail miserably.

And then it came, ever so gently, “let go”.

And there it was, so simple yet so profound.

So I let go of my idea to create amazing foodies, have the Pinterest perfect décor, be the hostess with the mostest.
I am letting go of the need to be perfect.
I am letting go of the need to perform.
I am letting go of the need to please.
I am letting go of the need to pretend.
Sure, it’s great to do things for others at this time of year. To show our love through our decorations, food and hospitality.

But I must confess that I. Just. Can’t. Do. It. All.

And you know what? I am no longer going to allow myself to believe that Christmas is all up to me!

How about you? What are you finding the need to let go of?

Blessings

Drop the "P"

My house is NOT very Pinteresting.

I’ve never made a pennant banner, and I don’t own spray paint or Mod Podge. Seriously, did God know about Pinterest when He told us to love our neighbour? Didn’t He know we’d break out in a cold sweat at the thought of creating the perfect centerpiece and folding our napkins like swans?

As a woman, wife, and mother, I know how important our homes are. It might be old-fashioned, but I still think of myself as the keeper of my house ~ and I do want it to be nice. I have to be careful that my desire for “nice” doesn’t clash with my inner desire for perfection. It’s tempting to compare my lived-in house to touched-up, professionally-staged rooms that are Photoshopped.

I tend to be judgmental. I admit it. I struggle to stop comparing myself to other women in appearance, status, and in… well everything. I see other women who have their lives all perfectly put together and I feel bad. So I judge them.

I try to pick out the little things about them that make me feel better about myself. And then the comparisons, judgements, and self talk start happening.

Have you ever wished to be gifted in a certain area? Not necessarily because it was a desire of your heart, but because you noticed that gift in another person? I have.

I'm not talking about having dreams and goals of what you would like to accomplish one day. I'm talking about comparing the gifts and talents of others to your own. And, in doing so, making yourself feel inferior because you may not have those same gifts.

I know that God can use me. But, if I spend too much time limiting Him by comparing myself with others, I may lose out on what He has planned.  Just like it reminds us in Jeremiah 29:11 {New International Version {NIV}} “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” 

I need so much grace everyday, in my life, my marriage and especially with my friends. It’s a good reminder that we are all just trying to do the best we can with flawed personalities. I have been consciously trying to see other people as God sees them... as he sees ME!

We all live interesting lives. So let's agree to just drop the “P” and offer encouragement and grace instead of comparisons and judgements.

Blessings

Ogres

Ogres are like onions. They have layers. ~ Shrek

 

Every time I look in the mirror I see my physical imperfections. From the top of my head, the outline of my face, on down to the width of my hips, the shape of my thighs right down to the tips of my toes and much more. Sometimes it's just exhausting!

Do you know what it's like to look in the mirror everyday and hate what you see? I do. Every day I fight with my negative inner voice, I have struggled with body image for as long as I can remember.

I have always hated looking at photos of myself. It is not difficult for me to look at a photo and find my imperfections. Awkward stance. Goofy expression. And, of course…please…don’t we all do this a million times over, already…we all struggle with at least one something.

A human being has layers. Just like the onion. We are all pretty complex, but does that make us ogres? We shouldn’t judge people according the way they look/act.

From people you meet in life ~ like the cashier at the grocery store, the gas bar attendant, wait staff, librarians, at church, to those in your very own homes, some of their problems might seem petty to you. But who are we to say that she/he is NOT going through a bad time.

They are not ogres. Yet they have deep emotional layers.

We could all judge each other about something and really, almost anything. And sometimes we do it without even knowing we are.

But let’s not.

We spend our minutes and our hours and perhaps even our days living the way we think we should. Trying to prove to ourselves and our neighbours that we are whole.
Complete.
Unbroken.
But it’s not the truth.
We're often wrong.
Way more than we like to admit.
We're too harsh,
too proud,
silent when we should be saying something,
we rush others,
we think words we would never say out loud,
we speak words that sting,
and we stretch the truth sometimes too.

We don’t want to think that of us, these thoughts could be true. But we are human. Ogres are simply a metaphor for any person who has had a tragedy in their lives and acted upon it.

We all have layers.
We are all human.
We all are ogres.

Blessings

Grace

Each week on Thursday I find myself joining in with several other ladies at our church for a ladies coffee break and bible study. Since September we’ve been reading and studying the Gospel of John and last week we studied John 7:53 - 8:11. 

Are you familiar with this story?
If not please read it here .  This is probably my favourite of all of Jesus’ stories. 

{Did you know that the earliest manuscripts and many other ancient witnesses do not have these scriptures.}

I often wonder how she felt.
Standing there caught in her shame, she had no place to hide from their stares. No chance of passing the blame ~ she was caught in the act. No chance of getting away with her sin ~ these guys meant business.
But, so did He.
He already knew her. He knew her habits, her vices. He also knew her dreams. Her secret longings. Her desire to be beautiful, to feel beautiful. Yeah, he knew all about her.
And he still loved her.
I often wonder how she felt; humiliated and scared out of her mind. Her eyes darting towards the jagged stones held by the hands of men ~ many of whom she had already met before. Many of whom she had already known before. The cat calls and hissing from the men in the crowd ~ the plea for justice in the form of stone against flesh ~ crashed around her.
But none of these could distract from this man standing next to her.
Majestic yet simple.
Fierce yet serene.
Jealous.
Oh my, He was jealous.
A voice cried out, “Abba! We caught this woman having sex. It wasn’t even her husband! You know the law. According to Moses, we should stone her.” The man, silently remembering his own indiscretions with the targeted woman, threw a furtive smile towards his friends. “What say you, LORD?”
Silence.
A few chuckled. She groaned inwardly. They had Him now. All He had to do was mention this thing of…grace and they would have Him trapped. Everyone knew the truth: a good-for-nothing piece of trash who gave away her body for a few scraps of bread and measly change.Grace doesn’t change the truth.
…right?
Every one waited.
Quietly, He stooped down and wrote in the sand.

She braced herself for the first stone’s impact.
His voice shattered the silence, “Yes. She has sinned. But. Let the one with no sin throw the first stone.”
She closed her eyes, tears streaking down her face.
Thump.

One stone hits the ground with stunning finality. The man who dropped the stone, shoulders slumped, turns around and walks away.
Thump.
Another stone fallen; another man turns to leave.
One by one, the stones hit the dirt. The woman ~ was she amazed? Did she have the strength to stand under the weight of a sin forgiven?
Quietly, without much ado, the men left.
Only One remained.
“Where are your accusers? Did no one throw a stone?”
She managed a whisper, “No, Abba.”
He smiled. “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”
I often wonder how she felt.
With the thud of grace ringing in her ears, did she dance? Did she sing?
Or did she cling to His hand?

In desperation for love and acceptance, did she for the first time feel beautiful? Did she see her worthiness as far more than pearls as He gingerly wiped tears from her cheek?
I’d like to think she did a little of all of these. I’d like to think that humbled, she fell at His feet and wept the bittersweet tears of redemption. I’d like to think that when she was done, she finally felt what it was like to be forgiven.

Blessings

Chistmas love

This was shared on one the blogs I like to follow and I think it needs to be repeated ~ especially during the holiday season.

 

CHRISTMAS LOVE

- paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 13

 

If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows,
strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls,

but do not show love to my family, I'm just another decorator.

 

If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies,

preparing gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime,

but do not show love to my family, I'm just another cook.

 

If I work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home
and give all that I have to charity,

but do not show love to my family, it profits me nothing.

 

If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes,

attend a myriad of holiday parties and sing in the choir's cantata

but do not focus on Christ, I have missed the point.

 

Love stops the cooking to hug the child.

Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the spouse.

Love is kind, though harried and tired.

Love doesn't envy another's home that has
coordinated Christmas china and table linens.

Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way.

Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return

but rejoices in giving to those who can't.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails. Video games will break, pearl necklaces will be lost,

golf clubs will rust, but giving the gift of LOVE will endure.

 

~ author unknown

 

Blessings

Holiday panic

From “A Charlie Brown Christmas”

Christmastime is here!

Gotta find the perfect tree and put up the perfect lights
Gotta buy the perfect gifts at the perfect sale prices
Gotta set up the perfect decorations
Gotta get the perfect outfits
Gotta bake the perfect cookies and cook the perfect meal
Gotta make the most perfect of all memories.

With Christmas less than two weeks away, I am having moments of panic. I don't have all my shopping done, the Christmas Cards have yet to be made, thanks to Krystle I do have the baking done, and yes, my tree is finally up, but there is that underlying feeling of frenzy.

... gotta pause.

Christ is the perfect gift, given to us by God, so that we don’t have to be perfect.  We don’t need to do anything...  we are valuable, loved, cherished, and complete not by what we find, get, set, make, or buy, but just in who we are.

Blessings

lately...

in my kitchen:

homemade pizza, chili, potato soup

cookies and squares and christmas treats oh my!

on my night table:

whistleblower ~ tess gerriston, the hot flash club ~ nancy thayer,

kiss ~ ted dekker, identical ~ scott turow

through my speakers:

bx 93, christmas cd’s

search engine history:

blogger, face book, unveiled wife

readings in my bible:
luke

{reading one chapter each day as i prepare my heart for christmas}

enjoyment:
time spent with family, multiple christmas parties, reading,

walking in a winter wonderland, learning yoga

tv shows:

survivor, the big bang theory,

any Christmas classic ~ charlie brown christmas, frosty the snowman,

how the grinch stole christmas, rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,

santa claus is comin’ to town, the little drummer boy

and my favourite mickey’s christmas carol
 

movies:

 elf, the santa clause, home alone, scrooged, polar express

{‘tis the season, after all}

 

blessings

Sleepyhead

Some days, making a difference begins with something as simple as getting out of bed. This morning, I didn’t want to get up. My mind was tired and my body exhausted. Living with an auto-immune disorder can do that to a person.

Most mornings, I hear it; that soft but persistent whisper, telling me to give up before I even begin. It says I’m not good enough. It tells me that another hour in bed won’t hurt a bit.  Since I am not employed nor volunteer anywhere it would have been easy to just to stay in bed. 

This voice is familiar; it speaks logically and sadly in a voice that I recognize. As a result, I often believe it, but deep, deep down, I know it’s a liar.

I’ve heard that voice before.

Just this morning, I heard it again. But this time, I refused to believe it. In spite of how I felt, I got up, even though I really didn’t feel like it.

And you know what? I survived.  Not only that, I made something that mattered ~ at least in some small way. 

You can do this, too!

Despite how tired you feel, or whether you want to… all it takes is the desire to begin, the strength to press in, and the perseverance to continue.

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” Romans 5:3-4 {New International Version {NIV}}  

Sometimes, making a difference is just that simple. That doesn’t mean it’s easy, but it’s doable. So what is it must you do to get started?  Simply kick off the sheets, put your feet on the floor, and get out of bed. Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how you feel. You just need to do it. Even if it’s hard. But to begin, you must get out of bed.

What gets you up in the morning?

Blessings

Twelve Days of Christmas

Let the countdown begin!

Enjoy!

 

Blessings

because... it's christmas

with christmas just around the corner, we knew we needed to get the baking started... and oh boy! did we bake!

 

white chocolate & craisin oatmeal cookies

 and marshmallow fudge

and peanut butter cup squares, and rice krispie squares, and brownies, and church window squares and hello dollie squares and whew! what a day! still need to make sugar cookies, but that's for another day...

 

krystle is definitely a baking queen..... and me? i am glad to just be along for the ride!  thanks ~ for a truly vonderful gut day!

 

blessings

 

 

Nerd Alert!

Hi, my name is Anita, and I am a nerd. 

I'm one of those people who love taking personality tests.

From tests like this one {I’m an INTJ}
to ones like this {my temperament is melancholic}
or this DISC assessment  {D - 67%, I - 21%, S - 63%, C - 88% }
Decisive ~  your preference for problem solving and getting results
Interactive ~ your preference for interacting with others and showing emotion
Stability ~ your preference for pacing, persistence and steadiness
Cautious ~ your preference for procedures, standards and protocols
to even the goofy ones you find online {Spoon ~ ♥}, in magazines, or this one that can give you a description about who you are based solely on your birth date…I love them all.

Told'ya I was a nerd!

I find the results to be quite fascinating and enjoy reading them none-the-less. I was surprised at how many of the traits did describe my personality. It was a fun exercise {make sure you give some of them a try}, and oddly enough it did have some information about me that was pretty accurate!

But when I read the results, my mind started to wonder… is this really me? Is this all there is to “Anita,” all neat and tidy and packaged into a few lines?

To be honest with you, some of it was hard to read because there were hard truths that had been spoken to me through the years by friends, employers, and previous co-workers that I really didn’t want to believe were true. Parts of my personality that seem to haunt me, no matter how hard I try to change it or hide it. One thing I learned in taking this test? You can only hide your God-given personality so long before you turn into a burned-out, stressed-out mess.

But when I took a step back and looked at the positive side of some of these, it helped me realize something about this “personality” of mine.

God made me this way.

And some of the more negative sides of my personality? I have to admit, these are the very areas I’ve been praying about for years. Do these tests fully describe who God created me to be? Not at all ~ but it’s a helpful tool in understanding a little bit more about myself. 

Any fellow nerds out there?

Blessings 

nonsense

4:23 AM
that's what the time on the computer says right now. i've been awake since 3:00 AM, lying in bed, trying to go back to sleep, but to no avail.  so, here i sit with a cup of tea, blogging, while the rest of the world sleeps.  well, maybe not the entire world. i suppose there might be a few other poor, unfortunate souls lying awake as well.

4:27 AM
yup. it took me that long to write that tiny little paragraph. my typing skills are not that great. perhaps i shouldn't have cheated during my high-school typing class.

Sigh.

now i shall have to reap the consequences of that despicable behaviour. add to that, the fact that i am typing in the dark and that i can't spell hard words... you know, words like “despicable“. i have spell check, but you have to have the word at least spelled somewhat correctly for it to be able to figure out what the word is supposed to be to be able to check it, and since my first attempt at spelling it was so bad that it couldn't guess what i was trying to type, i had to keep trying different letters until it was finally able to figure out what word i was trying to spell so that it could make the correction.

4:37 AM
it took me ten minutes to write this last paragraph. it takes me a while to figure out what i want to say.

4:40 AM
three whole minutes… but i did blow my nose and pick up my cup of tea during that time as well.  plus, i sat staring at what i had written for a while. you know......to make sure everything was spelled correctly {just in case my computer makes a mistake} and also to see if everything made sense.

4:46 AM
i just read over everything i have written so far. now i am sitting here wondering what else to say.  nothing seems to be coming to mind. quite possibly because it's now

4:48 AM
and i should be asleep. but, alas, i cannot. and so here i sit, blogging nonsense.

4:57 AM
i've just re-read this entire post three times.

5:06 AM

5:07 AM
sometimes it's painful being me.

blessings

Mission Complete

Remember this?

And then at 28 weeks into the year I accomplished the challange and decided to try and read another 50... before the year was over.  With one month spare... I did it. 100 books.

#1 Triplets - Molly Gregorie
#2 Acts of Malice - Perri O shaunessy
#3 Secrets - Danielle Steel
#4 Extreme Measures - Michael Palmer
#5 Angles Flight - Michael Connolly
#6 Low Pressure - Sandra Brown
#7 Up Close and Dangerous- Linda Howard
#8 The Trophy Wives - Kristin Billerbeck
#9 The Drop - Michael Connolly
#10 Shiver - Karen Robards
#11 Eyes Wide Open - Andrew Gross
#12 Full Disclosure - Dee Henderson
#13 These Things Hidden - Heather Gudenkauf
#14 Broken Harbour - Tana French
#15 Double Blind - Brandilyn Collins
#16 The Truth about Dandelions - Hayley Linfield
#17 The Lawyer’s Lawyer - James Sheehan
#18 Last to Die - Tess Gerritson
#19 Guilt - Jonathan Kellerman
#20 Vanished - Irene Hannon
#21 The Last Victim - Karen Robards
#22 Cut to the Bone - Jean Boswell
#23 Trust your eyes - Linwood Barclay
#24 Don’t cry now - Joy Fielding
#25 Murder on the mind - L.L. Bartlett
#26 Sweet revenge - Lisa Jackson
#27 Touch & go - Lisa Gardner
#28 No way back - Andrew Gross
#29 All she ever wanted - Rosalind Noonan
#30 Best kept secret - Amy Hatvany
#31 Wedding Night - Sophie Kinsella
#32 The Silence of Bonaventure Arrow - Rita Leganski
#33 The Storyteller - Jodi Picoult
#34 Six Years - Harlan Coben
#35 Family Pictures - Jane Green
#36 Daddy’s gone a hunting - Mary Higgins Clark
#37 Another Piece of my Heart - Jane Green
#38 Reconstructing Amelia - Kimberly McCreighton
#39 Twelfth of Never - James Patterson
#40 A Wanted Man - Lee Child
#41 The Next Best Thing - Jennifer Weiner
#42 Not by Sight - Kathy Herman
#43 Forgotten - Catherine McKenzie
#44 Revenge wears Prada - Lauren Weisberger
#45 Honeymoon - James Patterson
#46 The Lakehouse - James Patterson
#47 Unspoken - Lisa Jackson
#48 The Professional - Robert Parker
#49 Ready to Die - Lisa Jackson
#50 Whispers & Lies - Joy Fielding
#51 Fractured - Karin Slaughter
#52 After You - Julie Buxbaum
#53 While my sister sleeps - Barbara Delinsky
#54 The Racketeer - John Grisham
#55 Stay Close - Harlan Coben
#56 Unseen - Karin Slaughter
#57 The Deepend - Joy Fielding
#58 The Innocent - Harlan Coben
#59 Time of my Life - Allison Winn Scotch
#60 Shattered - Karen Robards
#61 Second Honeymoon - James Patterson
#62 Always Watching - Chevy Stevens
#63 The Innocence Game - Michael Harvey
#64 Takeover - Lisa Black
#65 Guilt by Degrees - Marcia Clark
#66 Between Sisters - Kristin Hannah
#67 Stranded - Alex Kava
#68 Broken - Karin Slaughter
#69 No time for Good-bye - Linwood Barclay
#70 The Dance - Dan Walsh
#71 Fear the Worst - Linwood Barclay
#72 The Last Kiss Good-bye - Karen Robards
#73 Mistress - James Patterson
#74 Pray for Silence - Linda Castillo
#75 Gone Missing - Linda Castillo
#76 A tap on the Window - Linwood Barclay
#77 Confessions of a Murder Suspect - Maxine Paetro
#78 The Wrong Man - David Ellis
#79 The Last Alibi - David Ellis
#80 Northern Lights - Nora Roberts
#81 The Longest Ride - Nicholas Sparks
#82 Bait - J. Kent Messum
#83 Life Sentence - David Ellis
#84 The Silent Girl - Tess Gerritsen
#85 Ice Cold - Tess Gerritsen
#86 The One Good Thing - Kevin Alan Milne
#87 Black Friday - Alex Kava
#88 Damaged - Alex Kava
#89 Postcards from the Dead - Laura Childs
#90 The Rose Garden - Susanna Kearsley
#91 After her ~ Joyce Maynard
#92 Fireproof - Alex Kava
#93 Kill Switch - Neal Baer
#94 Gone - James Patterson
#95 Her last Breath - Linda Castillo
#96 Never saw it coming - Linwood Barclay
#97 The Neighbour - Lisa Gardner
#98 See Jane Die - Erica Spindler
#99 Buried Evidence - Nancy Rothenberg
#100 Orchid Blues - Stuart Woods

Am I done? Hardly, I just started book 101. I love to read to much!

Blessings

I melt for no one

You can’t make me 

 say any certain words
 

feel any certain feelings

 

think any certain thoughts

 

look any certain style

 

act any certain way

 

be any certain woman.

 

You can criticize, cajole, critique, advise, intimidate, mock, “help” 

but still
 

You can’t make me anything.

I choose my actions, reactions
 

I choose to know who I am

to who God made me to be.

 

Blessings

With Thanksgiving in my Heart

Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise.

Give thanks to Him, and praise His name.

~ Psalm 100:4 {New International Version {NIV}}

As the scripture reminds us, we are to enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. But, if you’re like me, this is sometimes more easily said than done.

I find that a lot of my days I am not very thankful. Nor do I give a lot of praise. I tend to go through my days complaining sometimes too loudly about all the things I cannot do anymore. I tend to focus on the negative rather than look for any good in my life.

You know those days when you just feel blah? When everything seems to be going wrong?

I'm learning {slowly} that gratitude is the only solution.

I can be thankful. I am thankful.

On one such day when I was truly NOT thankful and complaining, I said to Him, “Lord, do you remember when I could just get up and do whatever I wanted to without any pain?” And He whispered to my heart, “Beloved, do you remember when you were so busy running here and there, you never once considered what a miracle it is?”

Do you ever have those moments? When you realize that you are not thankful?

So rather than focusing on the negative I am trying to focus on the positive. Like I am thankful that my husband loves to work and makes enough for us to live on without needing me to contribute to our finances. Or that he took his vows of in sickness and in health very seriously. I am thankful that I am able to help our kids when needed and that I still have the strength to do it. Or that I am still able to go for walks, make dinner and do simple household chores.. .. .. sure there is more, but I think you get the idea!

I am learning to “Be still and know that I am God” {Psalm 46:10 {New International Version {NIV}} and while I still do not have a firm grasp on the concept, since my inner being is constantly reaching for that “busy-ness” from before, I do get a great deal of comfort from that passage.

But I belong here. In the midst of all this. It’s what God has called me to. In this season. It’s my right now and thankfully not forever. I am blessed to be here {if I stop and really think about it}. So I will stay…

I know without a doubt that God has a plan for my life. I have days when I feel amazing and days when I don’t feel so hot. I have learned to take one day at a time. I also have learned the benefits of keeping a positive attitude about every situation in my life. I know that I am blessed. I know that I am loved. God is so good!

My challenge to you to is turn around the negatives in your life and find a way that God can meet that challenge and teach you something beautiful through it.

Blessings

ps. this post was written a month ago and was to be posted for Thanksgiving in October, but since I did blogtober this was post-poned until today!

...and we're back

we arrived home late last night and now i sit with piles of laundry to wash, photos to upload, bills to sort through and memories to write about - check back soon!

blessings

Musical Interlude

enjoy!

Blessings

on a break

things will be a little quiet here, while the hubs and i are on a much needed holiday. 

see you soon!

blessings

While I wait

I have no sense of direction. Really, really! I can walk into a store walk look around at a few things and when I leave I have no idea which way we came from nor which way to go… I can easily get lost in a closet. While that might seem funny to many, it actually is quite terrifying for me. I wrote a little about it here.

Thankfully when I am in the car and we lose our direction I have a handy little GPS, which helps me quickly find the right way to get to our destination. There is however no GPS in life. Many days I’m just frustrated. I’m still trying to figure out who I am and what He’s created me to be. I just can’t seem to measure up to what I feel I should be. These past few weeks I’ve been feeling stuck… in my ways, ideas, passion, purpose... my life feels out of control.

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again

and expecting different results.”

~ Albert Einstein

I’m waiting for something… anything…

Do you know I’m bad at waiting? It’s not just that I’m impatient ~ although I have to admit I am. It’s also because when I’m waiting, the doubts start to creep in. Let’s be honest here, when I don’t get instant results I get impatient. And who out there loves to wait…

“Yet those who wait for the Lord ; will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.” Isaiah 40:31 {New American Standard Bible {NASB}}

Waiting on God can have a similar effect.

When nothing seems to changing. Does that mean that God is not listening? Or could it mean “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.” Romans 5:3-4 {New Living Translation {NLT}}

In his song “Sovereign” Chris Tomlin sings;
“In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you”

Patience doesn’t come easy for me. While some people might naturally be patient, the rest of us are given opportunities to practice and practice and practice and…

Blessings

So I smile...

I have very strong Type “A” tendencies ~ make to-do lists, needs to be sheduled and organized, likes to be on time, and I tend not to be very spontaneous. I like knowing what I’m doing tomorrow, next week, the following month even perhaps into the new year… I like my world quite structured.

So when our son Kyle called on Sunday wanting to come home for the week for some holidays {he doesn’t start his new job until next week}, we changed our plans and made the drive to Orillia.

It easy for me to get caught up in my plans, my wants, my way of doing things that sometimes I end up missing opportunities for developing relationships.  I need to remind myself over and over again that relationships are more important than any to-do list.

Time together is what matters most. {photo from Krystle's blog}

Whether we're playing games, sitting in the hot tub, having dinner, or just hanging out ~ I treasure these moments we have.

With everyone out on their own, these times together are few and far between... and rather than worry about what needs to be done, or that the house is in complete chaos, I’ll sit and enjoy each and every opportunity we get.

 

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”  ~ Dr Seuss
 

Blessings

Won't back down

To all the troops who fought and continue to fight for our freedom - thank you for not backing down!

Take a moment today to remember those who have sacrificed their lives.

Blessings

Grumpy

It’s been a week since we switched from Daylight saving time - that wonderful time of year when we gain an hour of light in the morning only to lose the light at night… and for a week I’ve been feeling quite grumpy.

Do you ever have those days weeks where nothing seems to be going right and no matter what happens, you feel cross? That whole week, I found myself going into ‘nitpicky’ mode over a few of the type A peeves of mine. It seems that there are several things that can put me in a sour mood for absolutely no reason and then it just snowballs from there.

I don’t know if it was because of the time change, hormones, or a bad mood, but whatever the reason, I just wasn’t at my best.

In my head I was thinking negative thoughts about how I do everything around the house {which isn’t at all true, but I thought it anyway} and all I wanted was my husband to appreciate all that I do for him, {which he does, but some days it doesn’t seem to count}. I spent several minutes dwelling on those thoughts and coming up with a plan to get a verbal “thank you” from my husband.

And right in the middle of that thought God reminded me of Colossians 3:23-24 {New International Version {NIV}}, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

yikes!

It took almost a minute for that verse to sink in…

The Lord sees what I do when no one is looking, but He also sees my heart while doing it.

My heart should sing praises to Him knowing that I am serving my family all for His glory… not for my own.

Blessings

Mad

I was so mad I could’ve spit. We had planned a nice dinner-date night out, but then his boss called and he was needed over at the barn ~ again. Normally, if we don’t have plans, I am ok with him heading back over, but this line, “you gotta work when the work is there” ~ is really starting to frustrate me!

So instead of being patient and remembering how he has been understanding of the times I’ve cancelled on him, I just got mad.

I felt put off.

Ignored.

Less important.

After all, this was supposed to be our time together. And I was really looking forward to it. I like to think that he was looking forward to it too. But when he has to cancel our time together, I start to wonder if he really wants to spend time with me.

When this starts to happen more and more, I get mad. I mean really mad.

But this isn’t about that one time or one missed dinner-date. It’s about a collection of times when situations have come up and I am placed second.  I carry these hurts around and think “meh, no big deal”.  But then after a significant amount of time has passed, I wonder if it’s no big deal, then why I am still mad.
 
So, I have to get past the mad and we need to talk this through.  

Even after 27 years of marriage, we still need to keep trying to understand each other.

Blessings

People Pleaser

You know, I care way too much about what other people think of me. I’m afraid. Paralyzed even. By other people’s opinions or thoughts. Seriously.

Hello, my name is Anita and I want people to like me. So, I will sometimes say yes when I really want to say no. And when I do say no, I sometimes worry about how much I’m disappointing that person.

I would much rather write this blog in past tense. Like, “I used to struggle with this but I’m really past it all.”

Though I have gotten better, I still have quite a ways to go. The best thing it is for me is to be honest with people. My tendency is to paste that plastic smile on my face and keep nodding in agreement. Any which way you want to look at it, deep, deep down at the root of this, is my desire to be liked and I’m willing to do almost anything to achieve that.

But I have to realize, real love is honest. Real love cares enough about other people who disagree. Real love allows for difference rather than conformity.  And I need to come to terms with the fact that there are some people I won’t please no matter how much I give. And some people won’t stop liking me no matter how many times we differ in opinions.

If you’ve made a mistake, correct it.
If you’ve done something wrong, apologize.
If it’s just a personal preference, it’s okay to let someone be displeased with your choice.
 

“Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you;

he will never let the righteous be shaken”.

Psalm 55:22 {New International Version {NIV}}

Blessings