That thing they do!

There’s this thing about women.

They may be wearing cheetah boots

or skinny jeans or sweat pants.

But when they do that thing – that thing where they look right into your eyes, where they just reach over and hug you, where they whisper secret truths in tears that trail slowly down their cheeks, where they surprise you with a Chai tea latte, where they smile deeply in your face, where they save you a spot at dinner, where they lend you their lipstick, where they aren’t afraid to meet you exactly where you are in life, where they hold your hand tight, tight while you try to exhale, where they compliment your hair.

Yeah, that thing they do?

It’s magical.

It’s the kind of super power that can turn a day inside out.

What women can do for one another.

How they can heal each other with the power of laughter.

And hospitality that’s contagious.

Sometimes we’re so busy wondering if we’re getting it right, so busy worrying we’re not measuring up, so caught up in thinking we need to be just like her that we forget she loves us just the way we are.

She loves the joy and Jesus and friendship and tired-up-all-night-with-that-magical-stage-of-life eyes that make you, you. Forget awkward, forget feeling small or insecure or worried about what she’s thinking.

Women have the power to catch you in their I-know-just-what-you’re-talking-about smiles, their encouragement that it gets easier or better or that God-will-hold-you-when-it-doesn’t empathy.

Let them.

Open your heart, your hand, your home. Forget making them look perfect.

Just invite a friend in.

Take a risk.

It might be the best kind of worth it.

The very best kind.

Blessings

Faker

When the kids were younger and all in school, I found myself at home alone with the whole day ahead of me. So I began to take walks. Each morning we would walk out the lane together and the kids would get on the bus for school, and I went for my walk. Even though I no longer walk little people out the lane I still enjoy taking a walk.

From the moment Sasha hears me putting on my shoes she gets excited knowing that we are going out. My walking time is also a time for me to process my thoughts and ideas about the different aspects of my life. In fact if you've come upon me as I am walking, you'll probably see my hands gesturing and you'll likely hear me talking as I tend to process those thoughts out loud.
So, if you see me out there walking, just keep in mind, that I am not crazy with all the talking and hand gesturing........just processing.

Last year however, I had decided to take up jogging.  "Or it could Yogging - I don't know the "J" could be silent..... apparently you just run." quoted from Ron Burgundy in Anchorman.

To be honest I never understood the fascination with running. But last winter I did it - I ran several K several times a week and was quite impressed with myself. Running on the treadmill according to certain people is considered fake running, I don’t know maybe it is. One thing I do know is that running is quite boring - the whole time I am staring at the wall, trying my best not to watch the odometer. I had tried to run outside but in the winter the cold air burned my lungs so harshly that I just could not run. And then.. .. summer hit and I am sure the summer of 2012 will not be one we soon forget with record high temperatures and with little to no rain all summer, making it unbearable to walk let alone run. So I gave up.

Now with cooler evenings I’m back on the treadmill trying to run again, but this time I do not have to worry about being bored since I got myself a portable DVD player.

Now I can enjoy watching the many episodes of The Big Bang Theory and running laughing my way through the K‘s.

My feet were made for walking.....and that's just what I'll do!

Blessings

FINE

I’m fine - thank you very much!!!
 
'I'm fine': 1) the more polite way to say, ‘no, get lost.’ 2)The general response to any question asking how you are doing or feeling. – Urban Dictionary

The ability to lie is a liability. – Unknown

It’s more work to make something up than just tell it as it is, we only lie about things important enough to hide.  I’ve told lies to hide poor choices. I’ve told lies to hide strong feelings. I’ve told lies to avoid conflict. I’ve told lies to escape punishment.

But if I care enough about them to lie about it, what does that say about me?

Maybe it says that I hate people thinking I’m irresponsible. Or that I hate being embarrassed. Perhaps it means that I hate making other people angry. More than that, I hate the consequences of doing the wrong thing.

Our lies may reveal more about us than our confessions.

So what do we do with that great big lie we all tell each other? You know, the one where we say,

I’m fine….?
 
People we know pass us in the grocery store and say fancy meeting you here! They ask us how we’re doing.

What do we say?

I’m fine. I’m good. I’m great.
 
It’s easier than the loaded version, after all, and shorter. If we really want to sell it then we crack a smile and say

I couldn’t  be better.

 And we turn it back on them.

But how are you?

We continue this dance until one side judges the other to be trusted with a little bit more of the truth. And even then we use the old saying, this is just between you and me. 

Almost all relationships begin this way – though perhaps not in grocery stores. Some begin at playgrounds, or malls, while walking or eating dinner. Some are forged by going through something terrible together. But most interactions never get this far, because we’re so busy sticking to our massive, collective lie of I’m fine.

I’m going to tell you the truth. The truth, truth.

I’m not fine.

I like to think I can handle things on my own. I like to tell other people, don’t worry about me, I’m okay. But that’s not always the truth. At least, it’s not always the whole truth.

Apparently, I can’t do this. At least, I can’t do it alone.

The thing is, none of us can.

Those of us who tell the truth know this.

But we often fail to live it.

I’m not sure I trust myself enough to let go, yet. But I’m learning that -

sometimes, the lie of I’m fine is far more risky than the truth of I’m not so fine, 
and sometimes, just telling someone I’m not fine gives you smiles enough to say… 
I’m fine, 
and still be telling the truth. 

I did that this week. I put down that backpack of I can do this.

Turns out its not a one-person job to carry anyways.

FINE - an acronym for freaked-out, insecure, neurotic, emotional
 
So tell me, how are ya?

Blessings

Changing Seasons

I love Autumn. I love everything about it!

Yes, I know that the arrival of Autumn also signals that a long cold winter is near. But let’s not jump ahead. I don’t want to live in dread of a cold dark season when I can enjoy the gifts in front of me right at this moment.

I like to embrace Autumn as something special that happens just once a year, from September through November. The sometimes still warm-enough sunny days when leaves are turning brilliant shades of orange and brown and red, nights are cool and cozy and the smell of pumpkins, cloves and cinnamon fill my kitchen. And who can forget the smell of burning leaves, apple pie, hot chocolate, apple cider, or what about snuggling under warm blankets, the honking of geese in training for their long flight south, the crackling of the corn stove.

It’s a time to get back into routines - of meal making, exercising, meeting with friends for tea. I am ready for shorter days, but more time in the kitchen; for cold nights, but snuggling deep under my favourite wool blanket with a glass of Pinot Grigio and a good read. .. . 

I try to find something to love about every season, but Autumn is definitely my favourite!

Blessings

Thursdays Tea Time

Since Krystle works full-time I find that I just don’t see enough of her and rather bemoan the fact I decided to do something about it. When she lived at college I got used to not seeing a lot of her but since she got married and moved to Exeter, I kinda like having more opportunities of seeing her. So, we started a regular Thursday tea time which sometimes turns into a lunch date.

We always stay at her workplace since she is the Centre Director of the Exeter Herbal One franchise.  This way she can still do her job, but we can also visit and spend time together.

Even though we are mother and daughter we are probably the best of friends. I know that I can tell her anything and there is an authenticity between us. We can ask each other anything and give honest loving answers without fear of condemnation. We trust each other explicitly and share everything - knowing that what is said between us, stays between us. Just like a true friend would.

But ask yourself. What determines friendship? Some of the women we see every day we would no sooner call our friends than fly to the moon. Then there are other women that we have just met and there's something there you can't define. Something inside clicks. We can't specify it ahead of time, but we know it when we feel it. If you have one close friend consider yourself blessed. If you have two friends, stand up right now and cheer!

Most of us aren't looking for just any friend. Life is too busy, and we don’t carve out time for anything that doesn't impact us. We are looking that special person with whom we can pour out our hearts. A safe place where confidences are held carefully. Husbands do not make good girlfriends. Sounds a bit obvious, doesn't it? Girlfriends bring out so much in us that no man ever could. They understand us, cry with us, shop with us, laugh-`til-we-pee.... no man does that!

Thanks Krystle for not only being my daughter but also being my friend!

Viva la friendship!

Blessings

At last

It’s been several months since I resigned from my job. It was a decision that we knew had to made and yet it was far from easy. I spent the summer months relaxing; either reading on my deck or sitting under the gazebo. I enjoyed spending time walking down the quiet country roads. Mostly I found that each day I could unwind from the stress and pressure from work.

But to everything there is a season and my season of rest was coming to an end. When September rolled around I found myself getting a little anxious in what I was supposed to do. I started perusing job websites, going through the paper, and chatting with others in my attempt to find a job. Sure there were plenty of jobs available, but the thing was I was being quite particular about the job I wanted or better yet needed. With my health issues I found that I didn’t want full-time nor was I interested in working at a fast-food place.

Finally after a bit more time a few jobs were starting to get listed that I would be in interested in. However most of them they were still 18 - 27 hours a week, which probably for the average person would be quite doable, but Wayne was concerned for my well-being. He needed not worry as I was not getting offered any of these jobs.  To be honest I was starting get quite discouraged as nothing or so it seemed was happening. However, I only needed to be patient. For you see I believe “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” {Romans 8:28}

As I was walking last Thursday, in my desperation I called out to God and begged for an explaination of what I was to do. 

As I get home there was a message on my answering machine from a friend needing to ask me something. Long story short - she offered me a job. A part-time, part-time job. Which basically means that I would work 1, maybe 2 days a week working at Bakelaar Jewellers as a sales consultant girl. {I mean who am I kidding I know nothing of the jewellery business except that I like it.}

Anyway, as I’ve been sharing this story with family & friends I am reminded again how God does love me and cares deeply for my well-being. Even though I think I know what I need/want, I don’t always see the big picture. I mean how cool is it that on the very day that I was anxious and looking for answers that she would call, considering that she later told me that she knew about needing more staff for about a month.

We can be easily get discouraged when things don’t work they way we think, or in our timing, but we should realize that God only has our best interests at heart. While I may not know the future I do know the ONE who holds my future and I only need to put my trust in HIM. {Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”} What an awesome reminder!!!

Blessings

Changling

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Does your mind immediately go to those physical attributes you wish were different? There's two kinds of those, of course. The kind God knit together in secret places and before time...and the kind you helped him with. I suppose both can be changed but that likely comes with a cost. Pain...money...time.

Is it worth it?

Or do you think of personality or habits or tendencies or addictions?

Maybe your first thought is "past," you wish you could change your past. Perhaps you dream about changing someone else! Isn't that something everyone is warned about before marriage--if you think you'll be able to change your partner after the wedding you're deluded?!

Or maybe you think BIG and you want to change the world. Or you think small and you want to change the color of your hair.

What is the one thing you often imagine changing?

Think about it...isn't there something you've wanted to change for years? As long as you can remember?

So, I can't help but ask you {and I'm asking myself, too}. . .

*

*

*

What are you waiting on?

Be the change you want to see in the world ~ Ghandi

Blessings

Blog Stalker

I’m a bit of blog stalker follower. I read a blog, follow one of their links, read that blog and follow their links, and on it goes - you can read about that here.

Anyway, I came across this blog  - to be honest I do not remember from where it started but that's beside the point.  As I was reading this post - I was hit straight between the eyes with conviction. I am SO guilty of buying more and more groceries and stuffing them into the kitchen pantry and then complaining, yes actually complaining that there is nothing to eat. 

My ground rules -
# start a weekly meal plan - and stick to it!
# only buy what is needed to make those meals
# use up what is in my pantry

Ok,sounds simple enough - but the question was where to start? Then I remembered that I had a few years worth of Kraft Canada What’s Cooking magazines

and it would be a lot easier to begin with these helpful recipes. So I sat and leafed through magazine after magazine tearing out the different recipes we liked, ones we’d want to try, while all the others were left in the magazine and ended up in the recycle bin. Then the question was what to do with ALL these loose pages of recipes? 

So, I created my own Kraft Canada what’s cooking binder

and from there started making a weekly meal plan, only buying what I needed and using up the food in my pantry. It’s not exactly the same as eating my pantry, but I’m hoping this will help me get back on track with meal making, using the food I already have.  It's going to be fun trying new recipes and making old favourites too.

I want to be more intentional about using the food I already have and buying food with a purpose and then using the food I already have... .. .. ... .

How about you? Will you join me?

Blessings

Compare-a-lot

As I sit and stare at facebook on the computer screen I notice my friend has 793 friends. REALLY?!? 793?  I’d like to ask how do you manage that many friends, but I won‘t. I‘ll sit here and start to think less of myself cause I only have 62. Is it really all about the numbers and how many people befriend you?

Shouldn’t it be about relationships? Maybe in the virtual world one can relate to that many people. And IRL, I know that there are people who have many more friends than I do, but I can only handle a small number .. um, about 3.

Comparisons are helpful: when checking features on big purchases; determining the best price; looking at nutrition facts on food packaging. When we shift our gaze to people, however, comparisons can discourage, debilitate, and depress {or puff us up with pride, depending on how we rate ourselves in the comparison}.

When I started blogging; I’d be lying if I said I didn’t struggle with the numbers game. Why do we need to compare ourselves - or our fans and followers - to others to feel important? Aren’t solid connections with names and faces that we recognize better than being observed by strangers?

But in a culture where everyone thinks they’re a rockstar, what do you expect?

Show me a score that measures face-to-face interaction, how much time I spend doing laundry, and whether my husband and children feel loved.

Can I spend so much time chasing numbers that I cease to live a life worth writing about in the first place?

I want to spend my days striving to follow Him instead of worrying about who’s following me.

What about you?

Blessings

New Look

I'm one of those people who likes to mix it up or regulary change things.  Hence the new layout on my blog.

I've been wanting to change it for a while.  Yes I did like the other one, but like I said it was time for a change.

Since I am a bit technically challenged, I went to Krystle's to get some help.  She ended up spending several minutes trying to figure it and and to be honest I was ready to throw in the towel, but not this girl.  She kept at until - TADA!!! and here is the new layout.

I love it!!!

A couple of reasons
#1 it's new
#2 it has more of a journal feel to it
#3 it's got a chai tea latte on it

So? whaddya think?  you like?

Blessings

Hatfields & McCoys

Yes I realize that I am a bit late to catch this train, but I only watched it on DVD last night. This 6 hour mini-series aired in May and since I really don’t watch television I totally missed it.

From the History channel:   It’s the true American story of a legendary family feud—one that spanned decades and nearly launched a war between Kentucky and West Virginia. Hatfields & McCoys, a three-part miniseries, showcases an all-star cast led by Kevin Costner and Bill Paxton. It chronicles a clash of clans that inspired passion, vengeance, courage, sacrifice, crimes and accusations, while forever transforming the two families and the region they lived in.

The Hatfield-McCoy saga begins with Devil Anse Hatfield (Costner) and Randall McCoy (Paxton). Close friends and comrades until near the end of the Civil War, they return to their neighboring homes—Hatfield in West Virginia, McCoy just across the Tug River border in Kentucky—to increasing tensions, misunderstandings and resentments that soon explode into all-out warfare between their families. As hostilities grow, friends, neighbors and outside forces join the fight, bringing the two states to the brink of another civil war.

As I watched this I was saddened that there is this legacy of .. .. .violence, arrogance, and twistedfaith. So many deaths and broken lives.. ... all because of misunderstandings and family loyalty. It started from one incident and soon escalated into this monumental, vengeful, battle - one that doesn’t end for generations. 

There are three themes that I found throughout the movie:
Un-forgiveness
The most obvious and yet important theme is un-forgiveness. There were so many times that a small dose of humility and forgiveness from either side could have ended the bloodshed, but both families held onto their grudges.

Mis-use of Scripture
Throughout the movie, characters, especially Randall McCoy, used the Bible to justify their own ends. Randall loved to quote, the parts of the Bible about hatred, vengeance, and damnation, but he totally ignored the many verses about forgiveness and allowing God, not man, to judge. The Bible can be used to justify just about any position.

Redemption
The feud could have gone for many more years and realistically could still be going on now, but it ended because one side decided enough was enough. We see in this story that the only way that these kind of feuds end is when someone stops. Someone has to let go.

There is probably a little of the Hatfield and McCoys in all of us. We all have had the desire for revenge and the unwillingness to forgive. We can learn lessons from the mistakes of others.

Those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it.

Blessings

Eating well

In an effort to become healthier. I made some major changes to my eating habits in the past few months and unfortunately fortunately for my husband he ended up tagging along.

Although we’ve always tried to eat well, we are far from food purists in our home. I do cook a significant portion of our food from scratch, but we regularly consume ready-to-eat cereals, crackers, etc. I try to buy better quality food and even organic if I can reasonably justify it. Since there are only two of us, it is way easier to spend more on things because they don’t have to go nearly as far. I can buy a box of Special K chips for me and they last a long time. When the kids were home I must admit I cheated and bought boxes of those ready made meals {Hungry Man} because let’s face it sometimes it was just easier.

Buying better food and eating real food does have its disadvantages though. One of them is financial. Once you become accustomed to eating real food that isn’t laden with chemicals, it is almost impossible to go back to the other, cheaper stuff. I’d like to find more ways to cut corners on our food budget, but at what cost? The options become either continue spending more or completely eliminating the item from our pantry.

The other downside is that when you try to revisit those favourite foods from your childhood, you find they just aren’t what you remember. I recently had an old-time craving for Kraft Dinner.

It was something I enjoyed when I was younger. I made it and was honestly really looking forward to it since I hadn’t had it in years. I could not even finish it. The chemical taste of the “cheese” was terrible and the amount of salt - ugh!  I could not believe how terrible the dinner tasted to me and I ended up not finishing it and threw the rest of it out.

I never set out to become a food snob. I simply wanted to feed us better foods. But I find that the more we move in that direction, the harder it is to do anything but eat real foods. Plain yogurt blended with real frozen fruit? Yum. Pre-sweetened yogurt? Gag. Homemade brownies? Yum. Sugar-laden boxed brownie mixes? Gag. To be sure I can still find some mixes that work for me. But they are becoming fewer and farther between.

So I’m guessing the beloved Alphaghetti’s from my childhood are probably a no, too.

Blessings

A day for me

Even as I write that title, I have this sense of overwhelming guilt spread through me. After all, Anita you don't really need day for yourself do you? You resigned from your job over 4 months ago - what could you possibly need a day for yourself for? Yah, yah ,I know I am my own worst critic. But really since I have resigned from my job I tend to spend each and everyday anyway I like. If I want to lounge in bed till 8:30 - I do, if I want to get up and go for a walk - I do. Running errands? Sure, I do those too, but it is at my leisure.

But today was different ~ you see I got to spend the day with Krystle ~ and what a wonderful blessing it was.

Did we do anything profound or life-altering? Have a theological discussion? Solve all the worlds’ problems? Not really.

Did we spend an inordinate amount of time laughing, chatting, shopping, and building into our relationship? YOU BET WE DID!!!

I’m incredibly blessed to have her live close enough that we can see each other on a regular basis and doubly blessed that she enjoys spending time with me. Our time together always bolsters my spirit.

How about you? Do you take time for you? Do you spend time with someone who gives you that lift? Or do you run from one thing to the next and never take time for yourself?

My challenge is this ~ Book a day for yourself in the next couple of weeks and slowly teach yourself that you are just as important as all those things you do. By taking a day to rest & rejuvenate you'll find that you're able to deal with everything else you've got going on in your life.

Blessings
 

Fragmented

The more things change, the more they stay the same!

One thing I have been thinking about lately is how fragmented lives are today. Maybe yours isn’t, but mine is in some ways and I suspect this is true for many. I’ve been thinking about this because there are friends I want to see that I haven’t in a long time, and life just feels too full. Full of good things, but too full nonetheless. And the fullness comes, in large part, because of trying to keep myself integrated into too many circles.

I was thinking about how nothing is simple relationally because life is made up of so many different parts and fragments.

We have all these circles with which we try and long to meaningfully connect with in some way. And which all require their own effort and time and emotional investment.

We worship with one group of people.

We are related to another group of people.

We are friends with yet another group of people.

We work with another group of people.

And they basically never intersect.

In fact, to be perfectly honest, I think I would do very well as a hermit! Sometimes it is just easier to focus on home and hearth and just let the world go by. But I know that is not best for anyone in the long run and so I continue to pray that God will help me settle physically, emotionally and mentally in a place where HE would have us and we would see fruit borne from our efforts.

Just some ramble-y thoughts from my mind and heart today…

Blessings

Anniverary

We’re celebrating our 26^th wedding anniversary today!

When one reaches a milestone like this you tend to reflect back on what you’ve done and all you’ve accomplished.

For us, we’ve raised three amazing kids who each have moved out on their own - one of which is happily married and living close by. We’ve walked through times of better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health and have gone through our share of changes.

During our wedding ceremony we shared from 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” {NIV}

While these words are elegantly spoken in a wedding ceremony it’s quite another thing to actually live them out, day in and day out. Personally, I need to remind myself of those vows I made oh so long ago. 

It’s been just the two of us for the past few years now - and I think we’re settling into our new lifestyle. One with its share of ups and downs, good times and bad times, one I wouldn’t change for the world, and one I would do again.

Blessings

Being Me

With kids heading back to school today, it got me to thinking about my school days.

You wouldn’t have liked me in high school…not even a little bit. I was arrogant and brash and entirely too confident in my own abilities. Compared to now, I walked differently, talked differently, and I treated people in ways that were less than they deserved. I was nice enough, I suppose, but I wasn’t caring. I wasn’t earnest. I wasn’t someone you could rely on. But why? Why did I act like that when I was raised better - when I knew better? Honestly, I wish I could blame it on television or wayward beliefs, but that isn’t true. I was simply acting like I thought I was supposed to act. I thought I was behaving as those around me wanted me to behave. That couldn’t have been any less true.

In one way or another, we are each a product of the environment in which we were raised. We either see the aspects of the environment around us and succumb to them (both good and bad circumstances apply), or we become the polar opposite of what we have witnessed and experienced. So how can we be “ourselves”? How do we know what the “real us” is?

I like to think we all know when we’re being fake. We feel our actions, words, or even attitude stray from where they fit, and our skin begins to crawl. I hate that feeling. It’s so uncomfortable. And to me, that’s what being a less-than-authentic version of ourselves is—it’s uncomfortable, it’s tiresome.

Looking back now, well it makes me laugh {to use Kenny Chesney’s words from the song: “Young”}

But since hindsight is crystal clear, I can see that I was such a laughable version of myself because I thought that’s what I needed to be. I was concerned with how I was perceived, {to be honest this is something I still struggle with} yet the result was somehow this brash, loathsome character that emerged and ran wild. Why? I haven’t a clue. Let’s blame it on being an ignorant teenager and leave it at that. It’s embarrassing to even think about.

Today, I like to think I am much more centered than I was way back when. I try not to let the opinions of others sway me or affect my decisions. I say what I feel needs to be said and I write what I feel needs to be written. I’ve trying to be more honest with you but mostly with me. It isn’t always easy. Sometimes I wonder what readers think of me and if they like it or if they think I’m actually any good at writing. Sometimes I wonder if people actually like me and want to hang out with me or if they’re simply tolerating me. But every time, I find {or at least try to} my way back to center and realize I enjoy the way that I am, and if others don’t, I can’t help that. I can only be me and realization of that is a gradual progression. Becoming comfortable enough in one’s self to be whole and content within our own skin is a crusade, one that takes time and blessed understanding.

In the end, it all breaks down to something very simple. If our friends or spouse enjoys the version of us that is a fake, then for them to continue liking us, we’re going to have to keep up that façade. When does that end? It doesn’t. Just the very thought of that can be exhausting. I don’t to be a version of myself. Just be real - authentic, true, centered, comfortable. I was made to be me!

Blessings

One day at a time

Someone asked me the other day where I’m at in my journey. She was talking about the dramatic change I made about 4 months ago when I resigned from my job.

“Do you feel like you’re on the other side of it?”

I didn’t really know how to answer that question because I don’t think she fully understood what she was asking (though I know she certainly meant well.)

I’m in a much better place than I’ve been in a long time. Although I’m painfully aware of how fragile it all is, life feels good right now. And I haven’t been able to say that truthfully in days.

But that doesn’t mean I’ve gotten over—or even through—my decision.

I think the idea of “recovery” from difficult decisions is a harmful and misleading mirage. It’s unrealistic to expect that life could ever go back to normal after some thing of any kind. In a way, life will be forever divided by before and after. And to strive to go back to normal—to return to how things were and how you felt before it happened - is like trying to get somewhere on a treadmill: exhausting and impossible.

I’m discovering what it’s like to live in the delicate tension of sorrow and joy. What we deem to be opposites are not actually mutually exclusive. They can be—and maybe they should be—embraced together. We don’t move out of sorrow into joy, as if we’ve recovered from our heartache. Instead we learn to choose joy even when that seed of sorrow remains ever present.

What happens in me matters far more than what happens to me. It’s not my experiences that define me, but my responses to them.

So instead of making it my aim to get through what’s happened to me, I am learning to focus on my response

While I can’t control what’s going on in this world or in my life, I do have control over my responses to those things.

So today,

same as yesterday and the days before that and for the ones yet to come - it’s entirely up to me to choose how I will respond to pain and sorrow and loss. I need to continue to choose to face, feel, and work through it, rather than to avoid it. And I need to continue to choose joy and trust in the ONE who has our days planned for each of us.

So if you’re wondering where I’m at in my journey, know this: You can always find me right here, in the middle of the tension between joy and sorrow, grief and gratitude, weakness and strength, questions and faith.

Blessings

Spike's Birthday!

Twenty-four years ago today, our second child and first son Kyle Wayne joined our family. I think back to where we were so many years ago when we brought this little (well he was 8lbs 13 oz) boy into the world and it amazes me how quickly that time has gone by. We nicknamed him "Spike" when he was about 2 or 3 cause he was so tall and so skinny. And over the many years we watched him grow and grow and grow. Today he stands at 6' 3" and weighs about 285 lbs.

With Kyle living out on his own these past few years it’s hard for me when we aren’t together to celebrate birthdays. I always enjoyed making birthday dinner and celebrating with the family. “The times they are a changing”, to quote Bob Dylan.

Even though we couldn’t spend his birthday actually with him I am thankful for the close relationship we have with him. In fact, we have a close relationship with all our kids, and I am so very grateful. So while we didn't celebrate in the traditional way I was glad for the time we did have a couple weekends  ago.

Dear Kyle

It's been an incredible journey so far and as you continue to develop into the man that God has created you to be we pray that you will seek his will first and follow the plans that He has made for you. Knowing that we are always here for you and willing to lend a hand or two anytime. Happy Birthday Spike! Love Mom & Dad

Blessings