The difference

For a little while now I've been feeling a bit 'betwixt and between'? I'm not sure if it’s still because of this 'empty nest syndrome', or that I’ve recently resigned from my job that I find myself with a new way to define who I am. And while I realize that I am not the first, nor will I be the last women on this journey, it sometimes feels like I am alone.

We’re all on a journey, I guess, but my journey has taken me into territory that even though I knew it was coming and perhaps even looking forward to, I'm still struggling through the process.

And now that I am here I wish to go back; because going forward is unknown and it's somewhere I've never been. I've a feeling of being in . .. . . limbo; which can be an uncomfortable place. It's a feeling of being on a winding path that is heading somewhere but nowhere close to being finished. At least it means there IS a forward motion in effect, a transition of sorts to new beginnings.

I've been journaling in hopes of understanding the transition process. Keeping myself too busy could undermine the processing, because it's in the reflection and contemplation that I am able to stop spinning my wheels long enough to examine the overflow of my heart and take my "spiritual temperature," so to speak.

In Jeremiah 29:11 it says "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." {NIV}  It's wonderful to know that God has His hand on my life and that He knows the plans He has for me and while I may not know what the future holds, I do know the One who holds my future.

As I continue on this journey of life, may I remain faithful to take one day at a time, learning to understand the past, live in the present and look forward to the future. Hoping that each day I will make a difference in the lives around me.

Blessings

Anniversary Celebrations

 Anniversary Celebrations!

Today marks the celebration of Krystle & Gerard’s 2 year wedding anniversary. It doesn’t seem quite possible that two years have already passed, but the calendar does not lie. It’s been wonderful watching these “kids” as they work together making decisions regarding their future.

I was chatting with a friend the other day giving her an update on my kids and mentioning something about Krystle and her husband, my friend stopped me and continued to question me that I in fact have a daughter that is married. I smiled. Yes folks, I do have a daughter that is married, I also have two adult sons that are living independently. Some days it is hard to admit that I am old enough for this to happen, for Wayne, well, it’s not a problem {>.<}

but I’ve gotten off topic……

Krystle & Gerard

Dad & I are wishing you all the good things in life; may the love that you share, grow deeper with each passing year. Your anniversary is a time to look back at the good times and a time to look ahead to live your dreams together. Remember that love begins in a moment, grows over time, and lasts for eternity. Congratulations!!!

Blessings

Balance

Many of us spend our days feeling driven by the almost impossible demands of our lives. More than two thousand years before email, social networking, cell phones, and carpools, the Greek philosopher Socrates said, “Beware the barrenness of the busy life.” Joy withers in our lives when we are too busy. Too often we overestimate the amount of time we have to do a task and underestimate the amount of time it’s actually going to take to do that task. We end up slaves to commitments we’ve made, saying yes to all the wrong things, leaving ourselves with no time or energy to say yes to the people closest to us.

When we’re trying to make time for coffee with friends, playing games with our family, we can’t because we have too much to get done. When our husbands give us that look, we say no because we’re just too tired. When a friend needs a listening ear, we’re distracted because we have to get back to the office. When we feel a tug to pray about something we heard in church that morning, we forget it on the way to the grocery store. We’ve given ourselves to pursuits that seem important and left the people closest to us longing for relationship.

Yes, there are unusual seasons of busyness, but it’s far too easy to let a season become a pattern. What becomes a pattern becomes a way of life. And a busy way of life robs us of joy.

In Psalm 127:2, we read, “It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones.” {NLT} I don’t completely understand this verse because I have yet to wake up in the morning and find that everything got done while I was sleeping! But I know the point is that it is self-defeating to work morning and night, pushing because we think that if something is not done everything will fall apart, and then fall into bed so exhausted that we can’t sleep.

Busyness fills a schedule, but it fractures a family. It can rob us of joy.

Since I am no longer working outside the home I do not have as quite the ‘busy’ life, that I used to. Although there are some days I still find myself running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off. There is a feeling of a too busy ‘doing’ life and not busy ‘being‘ life. I knew then that I needed to have a heart-to-heart with God about why I felt so driven, to recognize the brevity of life and slow down the pace. Our lives are filled to the brim and overflowing with the richness of relationships; the bond of love that comes from walking in the way of faith with a determination to live deep instead of fast. Peace instead of the rat race.

The antidote to busyness is balance.

Of course, every season of life has limitations, as well as unique opportunities, whether you have toddlers at home, an empty nest, a full-time job, or health concerns related to age. Yet we go through life acting as if life is not changing at all. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”. {NIV}  In truth, we need to be constantly adjusting our schedule and priorities based on the season of life we’re in. Part of being balanced is knowing what season of life you’re in and adjusting for it.

At the end of my life, I want to be pleased with the decisions I made about the time that was given to me. More importantly, I want God to be pleased! The key is to yield control of our brief span of time to him daily, keeping in mind that depth, not speed, is the truest measure of a balanced life.

Blessings

Perspective

We had friends over last night, ones who had never been out to our house before.  As I'm showing her the house and the yard;  I was gently reminded of how blessed I really am.  Where I see an old country farm house, she sees a home with it's own unique qualities.  I see the yard that takes hours and hours to maintain, she sees a wide open expanse of quiet living.  I see weeds in the flowerbeds, she sees flowers and perennials that she'd like to grow.  I see a huge garden overflowing with work she sees many wonderful meals that will crowd my table later in the season. I see a deck and gazebo as a late addition to the house, she see a wonderful area to entertain friends.  I would see this and she would see that. 

It's all about perspective.

Just like the cup, that's filled half way.

Some see it as half full, making you and optimist.  Others see it half empty making them pessimists. Or so "they" say. 

How does your perspective effect the way you see or do things in your life?

Blessings

summer lovin

ah yes!! summer!

today, according to the summer solstice anyway, is the official first day of summer and it's the only day of the year where we get the most daylight hours.

summer. it's a time for slower schedules, long walks on a quiet country road, and being able to hit the snooze button more often. it means watching the acrobatic flower dance of a million honey bees and hummingbirds by day, and marvelling at the rhythmic lightning bug light show by night. it means listening to the harmonic blends of the neighbourhood songbirds and children playing long in to the night.  it means enjoying the nightly orchestra of crickets, whippoorwills, and killdeers. it means being thankful for a soft summer breeze to stir the hot sticky air, and occasionally getting soaked by an unexpected pop-up rain shower. it means sunburns and mosquito bites and bee stings and poison ivy, but it also means the cool soothing goodness of aloe and calamine lotion. it means cannonball splashes and swan dives, raspberry picking and tadpole catching, and watermelon eating and corn shucking. it means impromptu drives to the beach, smelling the pungent sweetness of newly-mowed grass, and enjoying a fresh-off-the-vine tomato sandwich. 

it's also a time for lazing on the front porch, or the gazebo, or down by the creek, it's listening to our kids {when they're home} while we sit at the campfire or in the hot tub. it's a time for cherishing family and time spent together. it's a time for remembering the past, savouring the present, and daydreaming about the future.

ah yes, summer!

blessings

so i've been thinking

i've been spending quite a bit of time sitting in my gazebo, {yes the plastic has been removed} enjoying the gentle breeze that blows and taking the much needed time i need to think.

as i sat today, i had a genuine peace and serenity come over me as i thought about alot of different things. some worth writing about. others, um, not so much.

how important is it to write out our thoughts and feelings?  how many thoughts, ideas, and memories, would be lost forever if i didn't write at least some of it down. consequently, i have written journals on and off for around 18 years and have been blogging for 6. 

when we take time to record our memories, journal our prayers, and write down our thoughts, we truly give ourselves a gift to be opened over and over again. we can recall times of laughter, be encouraged by God's faithfulness in difficult situations, and feel a sense of comfort by expressing and managing the emotions He's given to us. it feels good to revisit the joys and even the struggles in our lives, because God is working in us and building our trust through every circumstance. we never outgrow His gentle and wise instruction, we never graduate from the learning process.

i'm so glad God decided to put His thoughts and feelings into the written word! i love to know that He thinks about us constantly and carries us in the palm of His hand. i'm thrilled to learn about His character and read about the experiences others have had in His presence. words have power - and we have the privilege of preserving them in our journals every day.

life is all about choices.  good choices and bad choices.  the more choices we make that fulfill our God given purpose, the better off we'd be.  in a perfect world we could plan everything in advance giving us the much desired control; we want to have in our lives. more often than not life tends to throw a few curves our way, teaching us to rely more on Him than ourselves.  we need to be more purposeful than to to just let life happen around us.

by slowing down and gaining perspective, we can make better decisions.  it's about taking time to be more centered and intentional of the choices we make.  each situation we find ourselves in is an opportunity to grow, learn and put our trust in God. 

i can sit {sometimes for hours at a time} thinking, journalling or just staring off looking over the yard and fields, just thinking. our country property lends itself to give us the quiet, the tranquility, and quite possibly the best view around.

blessings

Who am I?

Somewhere along the timeline of my life - and I cannot pinpoint the exact day it happened or why it happened - I deemed myself unworthy. I viewed myself as someone that God had to love … and someone whom most people would never want to get close enough to know, let alone love. And with that warped world view, I began my quest to be wanted.

I began changing everything about myself … starting with my dreams.

Since I thought myself insignificant, many of my interests became guilty by association. It is not uncommon for teenage girls to want to look and act like everyone else, so at first, my confused sense of self identity was normal for someone of my age. Yet, my desire to be anyone but me grew and aged with my body and morphed into perfectionism. Knowing that no one was perfect, but thinking that everyone else was superior to me, I began to take parts of others to create the “perfect me.”

My friend Andra is a champion cleaner. Her base boards shine and counter tops glisten. I’m sure even the doorknobs on her closet doors sparkle. I added this trait to my repertoire, along with my friend Maria’s impeccable sense of style, and my friend Jane’s up-beat demeanour and zeal for multitasking. I could list quite a few friends and acquaintances from whom I’ve stolen parts of their identity and weaved them into my own.

And I didn’t stop at personality traits. Oh no I added their dreams and goals to my lists as well. In fact, the sheer notion of me making a dream list to begin with was something my friend Debra did. When she mentioned her desire to re-purpose furniture, I added that to my new list. Why not? It sounds like fun, right? Actually, it does not sound like fun to me. I have no idea what I’d be getting myself into. I honest-to-goodness thought that I would enjoy taking on new craft.  I like the idea of it, but not the actual work of it.

While I think there is no harm in being influenced by Godly friends and acquiring positive traits and ideas, disregarding my talents, dreams, and desires was not only befuddling, it was sin. I was disobeying the voice of God and trying to recreate what He already made.

God didn’t create me to imitate His other creations.

He created me to serve Him with the specific qualities he gifted to me. And knowing this doesn’t make me prideful or hoity-toity, it humbles me. It’s OK that I don’t want to teach preschool, ride a mule down the Grand Canyon, or deep sea dive.

God also did not create me to be perfect this side of heaven. If assigned mass and tied to a string, my character flaws, quirky habits, and sins would circle the planet at least once. But God did create me for a purpose, and I will never discover or live up to that purpose if keep exchanging my character traits for those of another. It’s simply unacceptable for me to hide who I am and yearn to be who I am not.

I still struggle with who I am, but each day I try to take every ounce of my flesh, every molecule of my soul, every pound of baggage, and each and every one of my dreams and I am lay them down - without shame - at the throne of the Holy of Holies. For with His masterful hands, He will use all I am and all I can become for His glory. And that dear friends is my dream.

I’m so many other labels, to so many. I’m my mother’s daughter-friend, my Dad’s princess, my brother and sister’s keeper of childhood memories, my kids advice columnist, the hubby’s sounding board and best friend, I’m a friend, a crazy person, a Christian, all of these descriptors and words and labels and identities, a few of them spell out the who’s who of the real Anita. Some think I’m brave, some think I’m weak. Some think I’m arrogant, some think I’m self-deprecating. Some think I’m wise, others that I’m naive.

Identity is a tricky thing. It’s so easy to think I am what I do. I am what I contribute. I am what I gain or make or score or achieve or accomplish.

So, I’m letting those things go, I am a lot of things to a lot of people. But my identity, my self, my worth, only comes from the one who made me and named Beloved. And that is enough.

Blessings

On faith

To have effective living we need to begin with God's wisdom by respecting and appreciating who God is; reverence and awe in recognizing the almighty God. It requires moral application - by trusting in God and His Word; allowing His Word to speak to us personally; willing to obey. Which in the end; results with effective living; experiencing what God does with our lives.

Good teaching comes from good learning. We are either becoming wise learners or refusing to learn and becoming foolish failures. We should encourage each other to make the right choice. To be wise in all that we do or say.

Wisdom and common sense are not naturally transferred from our parents, we must continue to educate ourselves through good teaching. We are all capable of becoming wise, but it takes discipline, determination and hard work to live God's way, but God protects and rewards those who make the commitment to follow Him. People who are eager to listen and grow in knowledge throughout their lives will reap the reward of a strong character.

It's said best in Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." NIV

Blessings

On family

It was a super fun father's day weekend with bbq'ing, hottubbing, and the best part (?) spending time with all our kids!!!

It was such a wonderful surprise when Krystle & Gerard, Kyle & Teya, and Darcy were able to honour their dad today.

Normally on Father's Day I honour my dad, but today I felt I wanted to honour my kids' dad.  Wayne is such a good dad.  Not only has he provided financially well for all of us; {so much so that Kyle has started referring to his dad as the magical gnome - nice father's day gift!}

he tends to meet each of the kids exactly where they are; doing his best to fit into their life.  For example, Wayne & Kyle play volleyball together; with Darcy it's tennis and with Krystle he'll spend countless hours singing with her playing the piano.  And even though he's not my dad he'll go walking each day with me.

I will admit that we have gotten quite used to having an empty nest and normally I am OK with everyone being gone.  But once they've come home and the house is full of life, laughter & love, after they leave I find the emptiness overwhelming.  In fact, I tend to feel quite a bit down and need to be reminded of this “Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” - Dr. Seuss.   So I smile, unfortunately there are usually a few tears that tend slip down my cheeks.

Blessings

On friendships

We all have friends of some sorts: great friends, that we know life would be miserable without.

The friends that cheer us up just to give a friendly wave to, or stop for a chat in the grocery store with.

Some of us have the worst of the breed 'frenimies'. Oh yes, I've had a fair share of those kind - sure we all have them!

Virtual friends, on social networking sites such as Facebook and the blog-o-sphere, who can provide a wealth of support and friendship, most of whom we'll never actually meet or even possibly speak to.

I know there are seasons in friendships. I get that there’s a natural, healthy ebb and flow in relationships. But sometimes things just seem to change.

I’m not talking about a fight. Or a falling out. Sometimes you just sense a shift… something’s different…

Nobody likes letting go. From our earliest moments, from birth till we’re six feet under, our instinct is to grab, grip, cling. To a finger, a bottle, a best friend…

Sometimes we hold on for dear life to the very things that keep us from actually living it. But that comes with an upside - it’s the way we feel when we finally let go.

The trick, I guess, is to not find a way around the curve balls life serves up, but to live with them. In halfway happy, uneasy alliance. And to search for new things to cling to, and when we finally find them, to hang on just as tight.

And around and around we go, holding on until the time comes to say goodbye.

So, I’m wondering…

Do you initiate a conversation about it? Or do you wait to see if the other person brings it up?

Does it depend on who it is? How so?

Or do you just ride the whole thing out and silently let that chapter of your friendship come to an end?

How do you handle subtle changes in relationships?

Blessings

New thinking spot

At the back of the farm we have a little creek that runs though what used to be the pasture land. Since we no longer have cows, the pasture has become quite overgrown and the creek is a bit of a marsh. 

In the winter it looks like this.

But today it looks like this.

As I was sitting by the creek I began to listen quite intently on my surroundings. As the birds sang, the crickets creaked and the wind gently blew; I could feel a tranquility come over me. As I sat in the stillness and rested, I began to think about the hustle and bustle of daily life. How most things can pass by us. How we can have a deep conversation with someone and remember most of what was said, but in all honesty once the conversation was over, our minds close the door and we move on to something else. We experience alot, but we learn relatively little. There's too much to do. People have no time to pause and think about what just happened. We rush frantically from one task to another.

With the changes in my life I've learned that there is time to slow life down and reflect on what we do. During time away {whether it's sitting beside a creek bed or on holidays} we often find reflection moments in the quiet gaps. Without reflection, change is often impossible. These days I'm attempting to make refection a regular practice, it's a deliberate choice I'm trying to build into my life.

Sitting there by the creek gave me the opportunity to be surrounded by God's nature and to think about the hustle and bustle of daily life. It seems as if people have no time to pause and to think. We're too busy and too often we let opportunities pass us by. We think there's too much to do... and we rush frantically from one task to another.

This time of year you'll find me sitting by the creek; enjoying the solitude, giving me the hope of things to come and enjoying this slowing down of my life and reflecting on all that has happened.

Blessings

Another birthday celebration

Today we celebrate Gerard's birthday, whom we grafted into our family when he married our only daughter.

Happy Birthday! hope you have a fantabulous day!

Blessings

Saying no, graciously

Thanks to the Internet I found 35 ways to say no to various requests, social or otherwise, for time/sanity/control we simply can’t spare/compromise/relinquish:
1) I can’t do that.
2) I have a conflict.
3) I’ll be out of town (or out of the country, or checked out, or out of range, etc.).
4) I never even considered that.
5) I’m not planning on it.
6) I have no intention of doing that.
7) It’s not part of my agenda for today (or this week, or this month, or this lifetime, etc.).
8 ) I’m unavailable.
9) I’m not interested.
10) It’s not my thing.
11) It’s not a priority for me.
12) No.
13) I’m just not good at that.
14) I don’t have room in my life for that right now.
15) Listen, I have to get going but thanks for asking.
16) You go ahead. Let me know how it goes.
17) I promised my _________ some quality time. Insert “family”, “special someone”, etc. in the blank.
18) The last time I did that, I didn’t love it.
19) Been there, done that.
20) I’ll call you when I’m ready to do that.
21) I’m focusing on other things right now.
22) My spouse wouldn’t approve. (For more drama, My spouse would divorce me.)
23) I need some alone time right now.
24) If I agreed to this, it would be extremely low priority.
25) Life is too short to commit to things and people we don’t love.
26) Let me check my calendar.
27) I’ll have to check with my family.
28) I’ll see if I can get a babysitter.
29) I need more information.
30) I’ll have to think about it.
31) I’m afraid I’m not the right person for it.
32) I’m slammed right now but let me recommend ____________ who would be excellent at that.
33) I don’t want to hold you up so feel free to ask someone else.
34) Sounds tempting but I’ll have to pass.
35) I wish I could but I simply can’t.

Do you have a difficult time saying no? I do. At heart, I am a people-pleaser. I hate disappointing people.

But at some point, you realize that you can’t say yes to everyone else. And attempting to do so puts at risk your own agenda and the things that matter.

If a 2-year-old can do it, why is it so hard for a grown woman? Okay, we know why. But we also know it must be done: if you accepted every invitation, you'd never sleep; if you gave to every worthy cause, you'd go broke; if you went along with everything everyone ever wanted from you, you'd be...as exhausted as you are right now. So for the times when you're truly sorry to decline, and for the times when you'd rather have a root canal than say yes, we need to learn to say ixnay, thanks but no thanks, count me out or my personal favourite; I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request.

Too often, we think we have to invent some sort of elaborate excuse. We think it's a big, huge deal to say that we’re sorry, we can't. So here's what you say: "I'm sorry, I can't." Seems simple, huh?

Saying yes when you really want to say no doesn’t do anyone a service. You can’t please everyone, so instead of reluctantly giving in, try forming two magic letters that can free you from potential resentment and burnout.

It helps to:
Be polite but firm. This shows that while you’re sympathetic, your mind is made up. Being wishy-washy only builds false hopes.

Keep your answer short. A lengthy justification of why you can’t isn’t necessary. Try “I’m sorry, I’m not available then” or “I have another commitment.”

When in doubt, say “no” now and then change your mind later. It’s more disappointing if someone is counting on you and then you let them down.

Do you have trouble saying no sometimes? Are you generally understanding of others if/when they say no to you? Do you think the challenges of saying no are more imagined than real? Do you have a preferred way of saying no, if so please share?

Blessings

My Vice

The local library is probably one of my favourite hangouts. I could and do spend countless hours there.  Looking at books, finding new authors and trying to decide which books to borrow.

One of my favourite websites is the Huron County Library.  It's a place where I can peruse the new books by my favourite authors, find out about new authors and with a membership I can reserve those books that catch my attention.

I've found many new authors whom I love to read: James Patterson, Julia Widdows, Nora Roberts, Sandra Brown, Michael Connolly, Emil Giffen, Kristin Hannah, David Baldacci, Jodi Piccoult, Lisa Gardiner, Nicholas Sparks to name only a few. On days like today I find myself sitting on the gazebo, with an iced tea ~ reading. I know I should probably be cleaning, or doing laundry, starting the bookwork, even working in the garden.  But no, I find myself lost in another world with reading. I find that I get totally absorbed with the storyline, falling in love with the characters and all their quirks.  In fact at the end of one such book, I was in tears when the main character died.

Usually I'll have two or three, sometimes even four books on the go, quite often in different genres since my mood usually determines what I want to read. I read alot of mystery fiction, but I try to toss in a few biographies, some non-fiction and even some self help books.

Currently I'm reading '5'th Horseman' by James Patterson {it`s book 5 in the Women's Murder Club series},  'Self Incrimination' by Randy Singer, and my non-fiction read is 'Fearless' by Max Lucado. Don't worry though, I am quite adept at keeping the story lines separate. In fact, I've amazed a few of my friends at my ability to remember and recount books that I've read over the years.

Sometimes I feel like Belle in Disney's Beauty in the Beast movie where she goes to the bookstore looking for a new book and when there is nothing new she borrows her favourite ~ AGAIN.

I have several books in my own home library that I love to read again and again. 

There are times I must admit that I judge a book by it's cover or title. Sometimes I'm lucky and the book is phenomenal, other times I start reading only to be disappointed and end up not finishing the novel. I've learned that there are too many good books to waste my time reading bad books. I don't give up however, I continue to visit the library weekly, search authors websites and continue to borrow many books.

What are you reading these days?

Blessings

Too True

What are the words you wonder about in the middle of the night, the quiet moments, the waiting at the stoplight?

What are you afraid to believe but really, really wish you could?

I’m loved,
I really can do this.
I’m chosen for a purpose.

Whatever it is, it’s scandalously true.

Not because you dreamed it up. Or you think it would be nice. Or maybe you’ve finally earned it.

It’s true because the God who spoke the world into being has whispered His heart to you too…

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is HIS love for those who fear Him {Psalm 103:11}

I can do all this through him who gives me strength. {Philippians 4:13}

This is what the Lord says…"I have called you by name, you are mine." {Isaiah 43:1}

We don’t have to just wish. We can deep-in-our-bones know.

Easy?

Nope, not in this fallen world. But with the One Who Loves Us and each other it really is possible.

What’s one truth your heart is holding on to right now?

Blessings

My Health

It’s been two and a half years now since I have been determined to find out what ails me.

Two and a half years.

Since then I've had numerous complications and issues that have baffled specialists, so much that I've seen handfuls of them. I’ve had countless tests; ECHO’s ECG‘s, EMG‘s, X-rays, blood tests, and swabs. I’ve been to numerous clinics having even more tests amongst many other things that I shant bore you with.

And nothing, let me repeat that NOTHING has been determined. And nothing has helped.Thankfully, I have the wonderful support of my husband and kids who are genuinely concerned with what’s happening. And to be honest it’s quite frustrating when there doesn’t seem to be any answers. Trying to explain my un-wellness, to others has been disheartening. Without an official diagnosis from a doctor, people tend to think my concerns are all in my head. Are you kidding me? You think I am making this crap up? You think I really want to be struggling with all these complications?

So, when having a conversation with one of those people, I mentally float off, away from my body entering the mental space where I reason emotions with logic, and have a conversation with myself. I know where this is going. We have tried. I have tried. The medical system has tried. I knew what was coming down the pipe and even though I am tired of trying to explain myself to those people, I still do.

I think it’s time to say to myself, "It's time to accept the inevitable. To stop looking for answers that are not to be found. To accept my lot in life.”

I’m frustrated and overwhelmed.

But want to be a walking example that He loves His perfect creations in spite of their past.

I want to have a Quality of life.

Hmmm. What does that exactly mean?  My quality of life tends to evolve around whether my body chooses to work with or against me. The last few years have proven to be more of the latter. This isn't living life. This is a constant state of worry, fear, discomfort, frustration and pain. This is me holding onto something for the sake of....what, exactly? Fear of the unknown? I'm not sure.

It’s time to accept it and allow myself the freedom that even though this might not be what I had in mind at this stage of my life - it’s HIS and I will be ok. Learning to not only know my limitations but to accept them.

After I made that decision a gentle peace started to waft over me and I knew this was the right decision. Eventually, I’ll tell a few of my closest friends. Hoping that no one will laugh out loud. That no one will scoff or roll their eyes or patronize me.

Blessings

The Only One

What I have to offer won’t fill both hands. I don’t have loads of money and I am not that talented. I’m not a very good friend and I let being an introvert determine my day. I yell at my dog and nag at my husband. I’m never caught up on housework and I’m usually overwhelmed. Some days are lonely and too often I listen to the voice that whispers, “you are not good enough to do this.” There are nights I lay awake riddled with guilt and regret.

Am I the only one?

With every login, every click thru, nearly every e-mail, has the potential to make me feel so inadequate.

The beautiful homes on Pinterest shine a light on my ancient old farm house with the many piles of laundry and dirty dishes piled on the counter, waiting for me.

The bloggers with their gorgeous photography point out how badly I need a lesson on how to use my camera.

Every new success on Facebook reminds me of my failures.
It’s so very easy to get sucked in, isn’t it?

To feel like the only one.

But as I sat and thought over that statement, I realized that it's true. Just not the way I thought.

We tell ourselves, "I'm the only one who struggles, feels lonely sometimes, wonders if what I'm doing matters."

Let me tell you a little secret. We all feel that way. And it's not about failure - it's about being human.

But this is what's true: "I'm the only one who can fulfill God's purpose for my life, with the gifts, talents, abilities that He has entrusted to me. Knowing that I can hang on to the promise that He will be with me every step of the journey that He's chosen for my life."

It's not about the beginning {I'm the only one who...} instead it's about how we finish the rest of the sentence.

We all, each of us, are in different seasons of life. We make different choices, and God has different plans. Jealousy can so quietly slip in until we’re nearly suffocated, and can’t even hear God’s Spirit. The deeper you move into God's calling for your life, will, hopefully, give you a greater confidence to say “I’m the only one ….”

Yes, you are the only one.
But you are not alone.
There is a beautiful and powerful difference between the two.

If you think of the unknown people of the Bible. They are mentioned because their minuscule existence changed the very course of history.

God uses all kinds of people and He specializes in the ordinary.

God’s view of you is far beyond anything you could imagine. As you walk in your God given identity, you are transforming the world around you. You are bringing the authority of heaven to earth. -Jane Hoyt

You were created for a purpose. It may seem small, but it matters.

He created you exactly like you are. He has ordained a specific purpose for you. It’s hard not to look at your “I cant’s and I’m not’s”. But we need to realize that He created each of us and within each of us lies the possibility to fulfill what He has called us too.

Blessings

Shop-a-holics Anonymous

Hello my name is Anita, and I hate shopping.

I know, I know, I am a bit odd, since most women love to shop. I guess I don't quite fit in with all the 'normal' women.

There is just too much stress. To find not only the right style, but the right colour, then there is the whole size thing. In one store I was a 4; then I walk to another store and magically I turn into an 8. um what? How did that happen? Julia Roberts in the movie "Pretty Woman" makes it look so easy.

Thankfully, Krystle was able to come along. With her sense of style and persuasive way, I was able to find and purchase shorts, a skirt, and several different shirts.

To be honest, I would likely never go shopping, but since it allows me an opportunity to spend time with my girl, and we treat ourselves to a Venti Tazo Soy Chai Latte at Starbucks, I think I can manage a shopping spree once or twice a year.

Blessings

Wander, Wonder, hear him Whisper

I am learning to live in the tension of uncertainty.

To simply embrace it, rather than fight it. Because contending with it doesn’t get me anywhere. It doesn’t yield answers or bring clarity or cause lightbulb moments of understanding.

Because honestly, more often than not, there aren’t really answers to be found.

God promised to redeem all things. He never said they’d make sense.

That’s why He gives peace that surpasses our understanding. While there’s a lot I will never understand, I can be anchored by peace even in the chaos.

God shines brightest in contradictions. There is wholeness in brokenness. Sufficiency in weakness. Strength in surrender. Honor in humility.

I’ve also found Him to be ever-present in those moments and seasons that can seem uncertain. Those situations that pull the rug out from under me and even those that seem to shatter my world.

He is right there with me in those painful, dark, confusing times. Ever calling me to trust and to let go of my need to understand.

And so I am choosing to live in the tension of the uncertain, because I know that redeeming what is hopeless is His specialty…

It's to trust in the waiting.

Did you know that it has been calculated that if we add up the amount of time we spend waiting in a day, say waiting for the kettle to boil, waiting in a grocery store line, waiting on the phone, we spend over two hours a day simply waiting for some thing to happen. At the end of our lives, we will have spent roughly six years and three months simply waiting.

I suppose the question now should be - what do we do with that time? Because no-one likes waiting, waiting time is often seen as wasted time.

We live in an 'instant results' society, where we are told that we do not need to wait for anything. Credit card companies give us the assumption of why wait….. holidays, new cars, new clothes could be ours now - buy now, pay later.

Waiting time in our society is often seen as the equivalent of wasting time, but for God's children time is wasted when we try to do things in our own strength. We will never know how much time was wasted by Moses when he tried to do God's work in his own strength, or by Abraham when he tried to apply the wisdom of the world to the work of God, how much time and energy is wasted, how much unnecessary suffering and anxiety can be caused when we run the race on our own.

“Do not be anxious about anything,” says Paul, “but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” {Philippians 4:6}

Waiting is not idleness. Some of the hardest working people I know are called waiters. “Is everything all right , sir? Can I get you anything, sir? What is your order, sir?” 

Waiting on God is serving God. We are here to do His will. “Is everything all right , Lord? Can I get you anything, Lord? What is your order, Lord?”

God's time is not our time, his ways are not our ways. Waiting does not come naturally to many of us, and as much as we might hate it, it is a key part of God's purpose to teach us, to strengthen us, to lift us high. A another key part of God's ways of teaching us is listening, a part of trusting, many of us suffer disappointments because we don't listen. 

Don't lose heart, God knows all about it. And what's more as you wait for the answer, know that you will be growing, as you rest in his presence, he will lift you high.

Blessings

Bloomin' beautiful

As I walked around the farm house I took a few pictures of the bloomin' beautiful flowers.

My purple iris.

 The purple & pink, petunias, verbena and calibrachoa.

 My two-tier planter with pink geranium, purple osteospermum, spider plant, licorice, fibre optic grass, purple wave petunia, potato vine and english ivy.

 My kettle with pink double impatiens and dusty miller.

 The same purple & pink, petunias, verbena and calibrachoa in an urn.

If you haven't already guessed, I am a pink & purple kind of gal!

Blessings