I melt for no one

You can’t make me 

 say any certain words
 

feel any certain feelings

 

think any certain thoughts

 

look any certain style

 

act any certain way

 

be any certain woman.

 

You can criticize, cajole, critique, advise, intimidate, mock, “help” 

but still
 

You can’t make me anything.

I choose my actions, reactions
 

I choose to know who I am

to who God made me to be.

 

Blessings

With Thanksgiving in my Heart

Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise.

Give thanks to Him, and praise His name.

~ Psalm 100:4 {New International Version {NIV}}

As the scripture reminds us, we are to enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. But, if you’re like me, this is sometimes more easily said than done.

I find that a lot of my days I am not very thankful. Nor do I give a lot of praise. I tend to go through my days complaining sometimes too loudly about all the things I cannot do anymore. I tend to focus on the negative rather than look for any good in my life.

You know those days when you just feel blah? When everything seems to be going wrong?

I'm learning {slowly} that gratitude is the only solution.

I can be thankful. I am thankful.

On one such day when I was truly NOT thankful and complaining, I said to Him, “Lord, do you remember when I could just get up and do whatever I wanted to without any pain?” And He whispered to my heart, “Beloved, do you remember when you were so busy running here and there, you never once considered what a miracle it is?”

Do you ever have those moments? When you realize that you are not thankful?

So rather than focusing on the negative I am trying to focus on the positive. Like I am thankful that my husband loves to work and makes enough for us to live on without needing me to contribute to our finances. Or that he took his vows of in sickness and in health very seriously. I am thankful that I am able to help our kids when needed and that I still have the strength to do it. Or that I am still able to go for walks, make dinner and do simple household chores.. .. .. sure there is more, but I think you get the idea!

I am learning to “Be still and know that I am God” {Psalm 46:10 {New International Version {NIV}} and while I still do not have a firm grasp on the concept, since my inner being is constantly reaching for that “busy-ness” from before, I do get a great deal of comfort from that passage.

But I belong here. In the midst of all this. It’s what God has called me to. In this season. It’s my right now and thankfully not forever. I am blessed to be here {if I stop and really think about it}. So I will stay…

I know without a doubt that God has a plan for my life. I have days when I feel amazing and days when I don’t feel so hot. I have learned to take one day at a time. I also have learned the benefits of keeping a positive attitude about every situation in my life. I know that I am blessed. I know that I am loved. God is so good!

My challenge to you to is turn around the negatives in your life and find a way that God can meet that challenge and teach you something beautiful through it.

Blessings

ps. this post was written a month ago and was to be posted for Thanksgiving in October, but since I did blogtober this was post-poned until today!

...and we're back

we arrived home late last night and now i sit with piles of laundry to wash, photos to upload, bills to sort through and memories to write about - check back soon!

blessings

Musical Interlude

enjoy!

Blessings

on a break

things will be a little quiet here, while the hubs and i are on a much needed holiday. 

see you soon!

blessings

While I wait

I have no sense of direction. Really, really! I can walk into a store walk look around at a few things and when I leave I have no idea which way we came from nor which way to go… I can easily get lost in a closet. While that might seem funny to many, it actually is quite terrifying for me. I wrote a little about it here.

Thankfully when I am in the car and we lose our direction I have a handy little GPS, which helps me quickly find the right way to get to our destination. There is however no GPS in life. Many days I’m just frustrated. I’m still trying to figure out who I am and what He’s created me to be. I just can’t seem to measure up to what I feel I should be. These past few weeks I’ve been feeling stuck… in my ways, ideas, passion, purpose... my life feels out of control.

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again

and expecting different results.”

~ Albert Einstein

I’m waiting for something… anything…

Do you know I’m bad at waiting? It’s not just that I’m impatient ~ although I have to admit I am. It’s also because when I’m waiting, the doubts start to creep in. Let’s be honest here, when I don’t get instant results I get impatient. And who out there loves to wait…

“Yet those who wait for the Lord ; will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.” Isaiah 40:31 {New American Standard Bible {NASB}}

Waiting on God can have a similar effect.

When nothing seems to changing. Does that mean that God is not listening? Or could it mean “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.” Romans 5:3-4 {New Living Translation {NLT}}

In his song “Sovereign” Chris Tomlin sings;
“In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you”

Patience doesn’t come easy for me. While some people might naturally be patient, the rest of us are given opportunities to practice and practice and practice and…

Blessings

So I smile...

I have very strong Type “A” tendencies ~ make to-do lists, needs to be sheduled and organized, likes to be on time, and I tend not to be very spontaneous. I like knowing what I’m doing tomorrow, next week, the following month even perhaps into the new year… I like my world quite structured.

So when our son Kyle called on Sunday wanting to come home for the week for some holidays {he doesn’t start his new job until next week}, we changed our plans and made the drive to Orillia.

It easy for me to get caught up in my plans, my wants, my way of doing things that sometimes I end up missing opportunities for developing relationships.  I need to remind myself over and over again that relationships are more important than any to-do list.

Time together is what matters most. {photo from Krystle's blog}

Whether we're playing games, sitting in the hot tub, having dinner, or just hanging out ~ I treasure these moments we have.

With everyone out on their own, these times together are few and far between... and rather than worry about what needs to be done, or that the house is in complete chaos, I’ll sit and enjoy each and every opportunity we get.

 

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”  ~ Dr Seuss
 

Blessings

Won't back down

To all the troops who fought and continue to fight for our freedom - thank you for not backing down!

Take a moment today to remember those who have sacrificed their lives.

Blessings

Grumpy

It’s been a week since we switched from Daylight saving time - that wonderful time of year when we gain an hour of light in the morning only to lose the light at night… and for a week I’ve been feeling quite grumpy.

Do you ever have those days weeks where nothing seems to be going right and no matter what happens, you feel cross? That whole week, I found myself going into ‘nitpicky’ mode over a few of the type A peeves of mine. It seems that there are several things that can put me in a sour mood for absolutely no reason and then it just snowballs from there.

I don’t know if it was because of the time change, hormones, or a bad mood, but whatever the reason, I just wasn’t at my best.

In my head I was thinking negative thoughts about how I do everything around the house {which isn’t at all true, but I thought it anyway} and all I wanted was my husband to appreciate all that I do for him, {which he does, but some days it doesn’t seem to count}. I spent several minutes dwelling on those thoughts and coming up with a plan to get a verbal “thank you” from my husband.

And right in the middle of that thought God reminded me of Colossians 3:23-24 {New International Version {NIV}}, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

yikes!

It took almost a minute for that verse to sink in…

The Lord sees what I do when no one is looking, but He also sees my heart while doing it.

My heart should sing praises to Him knowing that I am serving my family all for His glory… not for my own.

Blessings

Mad

I was so mad I could’ve spit. We had planned a nice dinner-date night out, but then his boss called and he was needed over at the barn ~ again. Normally, if we don’t have plans, I am ok with him heading back over, but this line, “you gotta work when the work is there” ~ is really starting to frustrate me!

So instead of being patient and remembering how he has been understanding of the times I’ve cancelled on him, I just got mad.

I felt put off.

Ignored.

Less important.

After all, this was supposed to be our time together. And I was really looking forward to it. I like to think that he was looking forward to it too. But when he has to cancel our time together, I start to wonder if he really wants to spend time with me.

When this starts to happen more and more, I get mad. I mean really mad.

But this isn’t about that one time or one missed dinner-date. It’s about a collection of times when situations have come up and I am placed second.  I carry these hurts around and think “meh, no big deal”.  But then after a significant amount of time has passed, I wonder if it’s no big deal, then why I am still mad.
 
So, I have to get past the mad and we need to talk this through.  

Even after 27 years of marriage, we still need to keep trying to understand each other.

Blessings

People Pleaser

You know, I care way too much about what other people think of me. I’m afraid. Paralyzed even. By other people’s opinions or thoughts. Seriously.

Hello, my name is Anita and I want people to like me. So, I will sometimes say yes when I really want to say no. And when I do say no, I sometimes worry about how much I’m disappointing that person.

I would much rather write this blog in past tense. Like, “I used to struggle with this but I’m really past it all.”

Though I have gotten better, I still have quite a ways to go. The best thing it is for me is to be honest with people. My tendency is to paste that plastic smile on my face and keep nodding in agreement. Any which way you want to look at it, deep, deep down at the root of this, is my desire to be liked and I’m willing to do almost anything to achieve that.

But I have to realize, real love is honest. Real love cares enough about other people who disagree. Real love allows for difference rather than conformity.  And I need to come to terms with the fact that there are some people I won’t please no matter how much I give. And some people won’t stop liking me no matter how many times we differ in opinions.

If you’ve made a mistake, correct it.
If you’ve done something wrong, apologize.
If it’s just a personal preference, it’s okay to let someone be displeased with your choice.
 

“Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you;

he will never let the righteous be shaken”.

Psalm 55:22 {New International Version {NIV}}

Blessings

Writer?

“I don’t really think of myself as a writer.” ~ But after blogging 31 days in a row for blogtober, I think I've changed my mind.

The words tumble out of my mouth, and onto a page. These thoughts in my head, keep flittering around and it just feels good to get them out. I sigh. I write to make sense of things. The truth I’ve learned is that I matter. And words matter. My words matter.

Writing is therapeutic. It’s an outlet for my feelings, ideas, thoughts, opinions and emotions. It helps to clear my mind and makes more room for all the other ideas and thoughts that keep crowding in. I'm drawn to putting my thoughts into words, then stringing them together on a page.

I've loved to write for as long as I can remember.

In the last few years I've had a dream to someday write a book.  It's something I've been thinking about and it just won't go away. So lately, I've been reading books about writing and doing some research online about writing.  And ... well... um ... I've been writing too.

Time will tell if I actually have something worth publishing, but for now one has to start somewhere. So I'm starting. Starting to pray, seek, learn, write, and believe.

Could I possibly be a writer?

I dare to paint a satisfied smile over my face.

Blessings

I wear grey

November is diabetes awareness month. 

10 years ago at the tender age of 13 our youngest son was diagnosed with Type 1 {formerly known as Juvenile Diabetes} diabetes. It seems like a lifetime ago that we sat in the hospital meeting with his pediatric diabetes team.  We benefitted tremendously from the wisdom and experience of a nurse, dietitian, social worker and physician with expertise in pediatric diabetes. We spent several weeks taking multiple classes learning as much as we could about how to manage, cope and live with this life altering disease.

With the month of November upon us, I felt I wanted to well, bring awareness about this disease. I've updated my facebook cover photo and I wear a grey ribbon in honour of my son who has to battle everyday with this illness. 

Did you know that ~

“There are three main types of diabetes.  Type 1 diabetes, usually diagnosed in children and adolescents, occurs when the pancreas is unable to produce insulin. Insulin is a hormone that controls the amount of glucose in the blood. Approximately 10 per cent of people with diabetes have type 1 diabetes.The remaining 90 per cent have type 2 diabetes, which occurs when the pancreas does not produce enough insulin or when the body does not effectively use the insulin that is produced. Type 2 diabetes usually develops in adulthood, although increasing numbers of children in high-risk populations are being diagnosed.A third type of diabetes, gestational diabetes, is a temporary condition that occurs during pregnancy. It affects approximately 2 to 4 per cent of all pregnancies (in the non-Aboriginal population) and involves an increased risk of developing diabetes for both mother and child.  Prediabetes refers to a condition where a person’s blood glucose levels are higher than normal, but not yet high enough to be diagnosed as type 2 diabetes.
and that more than 9 million Canadians are living with diabetes or prediabetes”
quoted from the Canadian Diabetes Foundation

While this was a life-defining moment for him and us as well, we don't let the fact that he has diabetes define who he is.

Blessings

NO-spend November

The pantry door opens to shelves full of food, stuffed into every available spot and don’t even get me started on the freezer. Each Christmas, we receive and a full side of beef and ½ side of pork ~ giving us more than we can possibly eat in a year. And, sadly enough, I think to myself there is nothing to eat.

Well I had had enough.

So this November I am planning a NO Spend Pantry/Freezer Challenge.

Sorry, can't take any credit for this idea, I copied it from this blog.

 

The concept is simple: to use up the foods that we have already bought. Come on, let’s admit it, there’s that same can of soup that’s been sitting there for how long now and after defrosting the freezer, I found a bag of frozen veggies that was badly freezer burned.  Please tell me I am not the only one with crackers hiding in their pantry, going stale?

So it’s a time to start getting creative in the kitchen and use up what's in the pantry and/or freezer.

 
I invite you to just jump right in.

To clarify, I will buy fresh fruits & veggies and some dairy products throughout the month. And if I am being truthful we'll likely go out to dinner a couple times. I'll need to do a complete freezer and pantry inventory, since I have no idea what’s all in there. Yes, I admit, it’s sad. Once that’s done I’ll be able to plan my meals around the foods that are on hand and brainstorm some yummy meal ideas from what's on hand. Just like I tried to do here. My goal is to be as creative as I can with what I have, while teaching me not to be wasteful.

Will you join me?

Blessings