Almost there

After reading this and accepting and subsequently learning this, I am now 3/4 of the way to succeeding the 50-book challenge.

Here is the list of what I’ve read, not what I started to read and ended up not finishing, but have actually read since January:
#1 Triplets - Molly Gregorie
#2 Acts of Malice - Perri O shaunessy
#3 Secrets - Danielle Steel
#4 Extreme Measures - Michael Palmer
#5 Angles Flight - Michael Connolly
#6 Low Pressure - Sandra Brown
#7 Up Close and Dangerous- Linda Howard
#8 The Trophy Wives - Kristin Billerbeck
#9 The Drop - Michael Connolly
#10 Shiver - Karen Robards
#11 Eyes Wide Open - Andrew Gross
#12 Full Disclosure - Dee Henderson
#13 These Things Hidden - Heather Gudenkauf
#14 Broken Harbour - Tana French
#15 Double Blind - Brandilyn Collins
#16 The Truth about Dandelions - Hayley Linfield
#17 The Lawyer’s Lawyer - James Sheehan
#18 Last to Die - Tess Gerritson
#19 Guilt - Jonathan Kellerman
#20 Vanished - Irene Hannon
#21 The Last Victim - Karen Robards
#22 Cut to the Bone - Jean Boswell
#23 Trust your eyes - Linwood Barclay
#24 Don’t cry now - Joy Fielding
#25 Murder on the mind - L.L. Bartlett
#26 Sweet revenge - Lisa Jackson
#27 Touch & go - Lisa Gardner
#28 No way back - Andrew Gross
#29 All she ever wanted - Rosalind Noonan
#30 Best kept secret - Amy Hatvany
#31 Wedding Night - Sophie Kinsella
#32 The Silence of Bonaventure Arrow - Rita Leganski
#33 The Storyteller - Jodi Picoult
#34 Six Years - Harlan Coben
#35 Family Pictures - Jane Green

What's on your nightstand these days?

Blessings

stuff & things

my value is not determined by:

 

the money i make, the size of my pay check, or lack thereof

the clothes i have, where i got them or the labels inside them

the house i live in, if i own or rent, or the neighbourhood it’s in

the car i drive, practical and old or fancy and new

the diplomas i have, where they are from
or where they “should” be from.

it’s all just stuff.

God doesn’t care
what clothes I wear
what car I drive

He loves me in spite of my stuff. 

 

when i get caught up in needing more, needing new
He still loves me, He waits right by me

my worth, my value, is not determined by what i own.

i refuse to feel less than
someone with more
because

i am more

than my stuff.

 

blessings

Begin again

It's Monday. Again. What's so bad about Monday.. . . well, nothing really. It’s not like it’s back to work after a lovely weekend off for me. . .. my days tend to blend together.  As I made my bed this morning, talking to God about facing yet another week.. . . another week. . .. of nothing.  Staring into the emptiness of each day/week has an overwhelming feeling of uncertainty, praying for dreams/ideas that seem so far from reality I wonder where they came from and again, weary with putting one foot in front in the other. . . . He said “Beloved, you are loved for who you are, not for what you do” ~ stopping me right in my tracks.

So here I sit, another Monday .. .. ... . waiting on Him.

Have you ever done that? Had to wait. .. . I mean, really wait? Really believe? Really wrestle? I have not until this season in my life. There are days my life seems so unimportant, so worthless and wasted. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

As I begin a new week, I need to come face to face with God and really let Him look at my heart, but also, look at His. Staying close to Him and being reassured that as I pray I know my words have found their home. . . .. . He has leaned down to listen to my cries, my whispers, my silent pleas in the dark.

Each week is a new beginning, a new start to believe again and be reminded that just being busy is not fine. . ... ..

Remember when you would ask somebody how they were doing, and they used to answer, “Fine.” But nowadays, everybody answers, “Busy.”

“‘Busy’ has become the new ‘Fine’.”

Jeff Shinabarger

We are never forced into a lifestyle of busyness. Busy, in and of itself, is not a badge of honour that many wear with distinction. Busy does not need to define you. Unbusy is possible. It is okay to not be busy.

Is the state of busy really improving your life?

I’ll admit that I don’t have it all together, and that at the end of the day I like to have a “to-do” list to check off. I struggle with placing my worth in what I do, not in who I am, but I am trying to begin again . . .. …

Blessings

It`s all her!

It`s someone`s special day

and there`s a few things you should know about her:
A - adorable
B - beautiful
C - chatty
D - delightful
E - elegant
F - faithful
G - graceful
H - hockey fan
I - intuitive
J - joyful
K - kind
L - lovable
M - musical
N - nice
O - optimistic
P - patient
Q - quaint
R - radiant
S - savvy
T - talented
U - unique
V - vivacious
W - warm-hearted
X - xtraordinary
Y - young
Z - zany

and that`s only the beginning.. . .. . .. .

Happy Birthday Krystle!

I am simply amazed at our journey so far and look forward to many more years of fun adventures ahead!
Love Mom

Blessings

Time Travel

One day, on the very long drive to Orillia, my son and I were chatting about this, that and the other thing, when he asked me “Mom, if you had three wishes what would you wish for?”

Mmhmm, I thought, what would I wish for? I kinda have everything I need or even everything I really want ~ I’ve got a wonderful husband who loves me and takes wonderful care of me, I’ve got five fabulous kids {two of which are grafted into the family}, a cute little puppy to love, a country home, enough food, fairly decent health {I mean it could be worse - right?} the freedom to worship, extended family, a few friends, and the list goes on.. .. .. So I answered, “um, probably nothing”.

“oh,no!”, he says, “you gotta wish for something and you can’t ask for more wishes on your third wish”.

Yes, yes, I know the third wish rule.. .. .. Ok, so what would I wish for if I HAD to wish for something.. . . .

1. I would wish that I could teleport anywhere, anytime
2. I would wish that no matter what anything cost, I could put my hand in my pocket and come out with the exact amount of money in any currency to buy whatever I wanted
3. I would wish that I could travel through time to any era

After announcing my “wishes”, my son then said, “oh wow, those are great wishes”, and I thought yah, they were pretty good, I’d be set for life. I could teleport anywhere, have enough money for anything and experience any era I’d like.

Reading books, watching movies or t.v. shows about different periods of time kinda gives the experience of time travel, by teleporting you to different eras, like in “Painted Girls” by Cathy Marie Buchannan with the Victorian era and the ladies fashions with their elaborate dresses, using hoop skirt frames and crinolines. Or in Rita Legonki’s “The Silence of Bonaventure Arrow” set during the WWII. Or in Sophie Kinsella's “Wedding Night” and be transported to Italy.

I think it would be pretty cool to see observe first hand how history was shaped.. .. which brings me to my favourite show Quantum Leap ~ it’s premise “Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Dr. Sam Beckett stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator and vanished. He woke to find himself trapped in the past, facing mirror images that were not his own and driven by an unknown force to change history for the better. His only guide on this journey is Al, an observer from his own time, who appears in the form of a hologram that only Sam can see and hear. And so Dr. Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, striving to put right what once went wrong, and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home.”

In each episode, Sam & Al travel through time to different time periods and “change” the history, in a few episodes historical figures like Marilyn Monroe, Dr Ruth Westheimer, Elvis Presley are introduced. With its mix of comedy, drama and melodrama, social commentary, nostalgia, and science fiction, it soon became one of my favourites.
　

If you could travel back in time which era would like to visit and why?

Blessings

time to plant

i love each season ~ the summer with its warmer weather and lazy days, the autumn with the crisp clean air, the winter and rest it brings and of course the spring ~ when it is time to plant

the farmer, thankfully has all the field crops planted, the stones mostly picked and now it's on to the mowing the lawn, trimming the trees and working up the flowerbeds for me

we live close to Huron Ridge Acres greenhouse, wholesale plant growers and retail garden center and since they are also my Aunt & Uncle it only seems right to buy all our annuals, perennials and garden supplies from them

Ecclesiastes 3:2 a {New International Version (NIV)} "a time to plant"

 

each year, i try to mix up my planters, but as i walk around the greenhouse, i am continually drawn to the same plants ~ whether they are geraniums, petunias, ostespermum, gazanias, or vinca, can you tell that i am a pink & purple kind-a-girl?

 

how about you? what's your favourite flower you must have in your planters this year?

 

blessings

Just push pause

Have you ever reached a point in your life, where you just knew you just could not add one more thing to your never-ending to-do list?   I’ve reached that point many times in the past where I couldn’t do more, think more, give more, take more. I needed to pause.

Sometimes we choose to pause. To breathe, to reflect, to refresh. But it seems to me that what quite often ends up happening is that we are forced ~ by circumstances outside of our control ~ to pause. Most times it happens right when you’re in the middle of something.

Most of us prefer to be at the beginning of a new adventure, when our excitement and adrenaline are at their highest. Or rounding the corner to see the finish line with that sense of gratifying accomplishment. It’s the moment we wait for. At the finish we know that the sweat, the mind games, the times we thought it would never happen were well worth it.

Being in the middle is not fun. Not many want to go there.

The middle is the part most us don’t want to talk about. It’s not glamorous. It’s hard.
The middle is the reason most don’t finish.
But the middle is the secret to the joy that seems to elude us.
 
Sometimes life can feel like one long middle, one monotone list of never-ending sameness. Sometimes knowing exactly where you are on your journey helps. It’s not that you’re in the wrong place, it’s just called the middle and it might not be what you thought you would be. But you’re right where God wants you to be.

In Romans 5:3-5 {New International Version (NIV)} we are reminded “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us”.

How about you? What does it take to make you pause, stop, breathe, rest, live.

Blessings

It's his birthday!

And while I don’t post a lot on here about him because he prefers to keep his life a little more private and stay in the background ~ I simply cannot let this day pass by with out acknowledging that it is his special day.

For the many blessings that he gives, I am honoured to have him in my life.

Happy Birthday Darcy!
Love Mom

Blessings

Book Snob

I am an avid reader, BUT I'm also a very picky reader.  A book really has to grab my attention and keep it.  I am a book snob.  I am.  I admit it.

 

~ Life is too short to read bad books ~ Joy Daniels ~

Now I wonder ~ where is the line between being a snob, and just expressing a personal preference, or being a snob and expecting something good from writers?

 At different points in my life, like maybe right now, I’ve confessed to being a book snob. For the longest time, I gave up fiction .. .  afterall, what can you learn from fiction?

These days, as is obvious, I’m all about fiction. But now I fight back my snobbiness in other ways ~ like my disdain for the Fifty Shades series by E.L. James.

But in my defence I’ll maintain that I’m getting better as I get older ~ more tolerant and accepting and perhaps even more snobby. Believing that some books are better than others does not make you a snob. Neither does excluding certain genres from your reading life, provided you’ve tried a few of them before deciding it’s not for you. We should never be made to feel bad about what we are reading. And more importantly we never should judge what other people are reading. People who feel bad about what they’re reading could stop reading. It does not matter about who the author is. The only thing a book should be judged on is the words inside. And definitely not by it’s cover ~ although I must admit I am a little guilty of this.

We all have the right to share the books we love, whether those books are literature or entertainment, difficult or easy, well-crafted or poorly written. Ultimately, people like what they like and that's fine. And while “It's all just a matter of taste,” might ultimately be true, we shouldn’t just accept whatever the media is churning out, or give in to social convention and read the #1 bestseller, cause truth be told it’s not always the right one for you.

It is not snobbish to argue that some books are better than others. There are too many good books out there to waste time reading a bad book. Because if there is no such thing as a “good” book, what is the point of reading at all?

Anyone else had similar snobby feelings towards books?

Blessings

Rhythm of the rain

Each morning I sit here at the computer and I read the blogs that I love. And their words encourage, enlighten and uplift me. But when it comes time for me to write I sit here and think and think and think and then think some more. It seems there’s nothing new to say and everyone else says it better anyway. And when I write out my truth, and others are hurt by it, then I feel like I need to defend my feelings, my opinions, and my speculations. So I compose a lot of posts in my head as I wash dishes, mow the lawn, fold the laundry and talk long walks down a quiet country road.

It’s been a hard few months for me. Some days, it has been a struggle to just keep my chin up and keep going.

If someone asked you what keeps you going, what would you say?
I imagine answers like:
I get enough sleep each night.
Eating healthy.
Perseverance.
Maybe even a few I don’t knows.

I woke up this morning to see the sky heavy with rain clouds and with a long to-do list sitting on the table, to say I was frustrated is an understatement, ah well. .. … . As I turned away from the window I caught a glimpse of a rainbow peeking through the sky giving me a gentle reminder that just when you think you know what to expect, God gives us something spectacular. Something special. Something out of reach. An unexpected blessing to add to the ordinary.

For me, things are good when the house is clean and most importantly, when that annoyingly long list of never-ending chores can be stroked off. So I am not going to think about the HUGE to-do list I have waiting for me. I am not going to think about the laundry, the lawn, the dishes, the emails, the garden, the bills, or the errands. I am going to remind myself of Jeremiah 29:11 {New International Version (NIV)} “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”.

As I listen to the rhythm of the falling rain, I will give thanks and learn to delight in all of God's gifts; with rain being one of them!

Blessings

On Top

According to Indian folklore the phrase “top of the totem pole” is indicative of the most common belief of ordering importance, that the higher figures on the pole are more important or prestigious.  There’s a long-standing joke in our family about who of my kids is my favourite and therefore at the top of my totem pole.  When one would do something nice for me, the other’s would relentlessly tease them that their just trying to dislodge the other who believes it's in their rightful place to be at the top. As a mom, I truly love all my kids the same and while we do tease each other from time to time regarding the alleged totem pole it never hurts to reference it when I need to get something done.

Yesterday, truth be told, my son-in-law found his way to the top of my list. Since the “kids” are married it only makes sense that they have to divide their time with both families, and since they spent Mother’s day with us last year it was only fair that they spend this year with his family. I was pleasantly surprised when they not only showed at the farm but came bearing these.

Darcy too, was able to come for supper and we certainly enjoyed our time together, the only way it could have been more perfect was if Kyle and Teya could have been here as well. But with them living in Orillia, they did the next best thing and called.

And then the piece de resistance, Gerard wrote me a poem - and so, with his permission:
The Son-in-law Poem
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I've got a mother-in-law
And so do you

But the only difference between you and me
Is mine is incomparable and the best there can be
You call yours granny, and I call mine mother
But mine is one of a kind and like no other

She's got spikey red hair that could poke you and die
And to be honest, she's not too hard on the eyes
She's the 45 year old who everyone talks about and says
"She must be a trophy wife, married 25 years? No way!"

Her name is Anita, but she's also known as Spunky
Oh wait, we also call her Steve, Mom, and Monkey
My name is Gerard, and my mother-in-law is the bomb
She is the only woman, I'm lucky enough to call my other Mom.

I Love You!

Gerard

Well, that sure made my cry and ended up giving him the top position on the totem pole - that is if there was one. ~ I guess I should remove my stinky-boy comment from the other post ~

Thank-you Krystle & Gerard, Kyle & Teya and Darcy - you made this Mother’s Day the best one yet!

Blessings

Mother's Day

My mom isn’t perfect {shocking, I know} but she’s the perfect mom for me. While I was still at home my mom and I didn’t always get along very well, not sure if our personalities clashed, I was too strong-willed and opinionated or I was just an immature moron. Thankfully I grew up, moved out and perhaps becoming a mom myself helped me to better understand the relationships that are between a mother and her children. After my kids were born, it was then that I better understood my mom’s love for her children, her sacrifice, her pain and her joy.

Ever since I was a little girl all I ever wanted was to be a mom, either that or a stewardess {can you tell I was raised in the ‘70`s?}. 

I am more than blessed to be called mom by Krystle, Kyle & Darcy.  It has been an amazing journey with many exciting, many frantic, many proud, many challenging, many blessed, and many unforgettable moments which are some of my best memories. I am very thankful to God for giving me these kids.  {even that stinky-boy Gerard who insists on calling me mother}.  They've taught me so many things; to love unconditionally, to stretch my faith, to test my patience, they've given me more joy than I could ever imagine, and to laugh, oh how we laugh!

It seems like only yesterday that we had three little kids running through the house. And at times it felt like I was in that season FOREVER .. . .. .... I soon came to realize that time has a way of quickly passing. All of our lives we’ll be changing, adapting, growing, speeding up, slowing down, but one thing that will never change ~ is there is nothing, that is more precious than to be called mom by these cherished gifts from God.

Blessings

Introvert

Having finished the book “Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking”, by Susan Cain, {Listen to her here} I’ve come to realize that as an introvert, I have often felt bad or less-spiritual because I just don’t enjoy crowds or parties or large groups. Ice-breakers, circle games and church-potlucks are pretty much the most frightening encounters that I simply must endure. Get-to-know-you chit-chat is a necessary evil so I’ve practiced, and thankfully, I’ve gotten much better at it now. I prefer to write to figure out what I think. I feel I am much more eloquent when I write than when I speak ~ I quite often find myself being tongue-tied especially in large groups of people.

Being alone is a treasure. I adore quiet, still moments, where it’s me and only me. I don’t crave conversation {yet appreciate the art of it}. I don’t ache for company {even though I enjoy getting invited over}. I don’t need a house full {although I LOVE having my family home}.

Much goes on during the time I’m alone. What happens matters, is needed, is necessary if I am to continue being the me He created me to be.

Being alone matters to me. Some folks think we need to be vulnerable and transparent and deeply connected with everyone and their dog and Facebook. Not me, I figure if we don’t talk IRL there’s no need for you to see what I am saying/doing on the net.

I don’t believe we can have real, true relationships or real, true friendship with over 500+ people. I believe we were made to belong, made to love and to be known. And I also believe we’re really truly blessed if we have a very small handful of people in the inner “circle.” Most of us don’t need much more than that, not really.

I like to follow the example of Jesus:
Jesus had the Crowd, {These are the people in my life without any real intimacy ~ people you know by name or sight (grocery store clerks, postal workers, librarians). You run in the same circles but you’re not really much more than acquaintances. I don’t give much energy to these relationships.} then he had his large group of Followers, {These are the people with whom I have a measure of general friendship. The ones that greet you in the grocery store, or wave as they pass you by on the road. I enjoy our time together, absolutely, but these are the people who don’t require a commitment from me.}, then the Twelve, {These are the people with whom I feel a connection of the kindred-spirit and bosom-friend type. We hang out, do the coffee/tea date thing, likely go to church together, regularly share our lives, and have fun together. I enjoy our time together, and am committed to these friendships. They make my life better.} then just the Three {This last circle is now very small, indeed there is but a few who make it this far ~ these are the people who know me. I am open with this small group of people because they have earned my trust. I feel I can be the real me with them ~ both the silly and the serious. They know me, truly know me, and speak into my life often. They challenge me, encourage me, call me out when I’m wrong, pray for me, and have my back, as I do the same for them}.
　
To all the extroverted people in my life:
Dear {insert name here}
You wear me out.
I love you, but still. You wear me out. I imagine I frustrate you as well, just based on how much you get me going, tying to include me before I am ready ~ before I’ve thought it all out. That must be exhausting. But, on the other hand you do get to listen to the sound of your own voice, and we both know how much you like that. {smirk}
Kidding. Sort of.
 It’s fun to watch you in a crowd of people as you all seem to out-energize each other. Really, it’s one of the most fun things about gathering in large groups. You should step back and try it some time. Oh, who am I kidding? You’re not going to do that. That’s not who you are.
The trouble is, once I’m ready to contribute ~ once I’ve gathered the information, and thought through every angle, and processed it through my over thinking brain, and re-written it in my head several times, and finessed every word, and finally ready to add my 2¢ , you have already changed the subject ~ and my process starts all over.
I’m not slow. I’m intentional. The wheels are constantly turning, even when my lips aren’t moving.
What I’m asking you for is a little more time and space to process information. Remember: you process on the outside, I process on the inside. But we are working together, even when it doesn’t look like it.
Don’t feel bad about being in the spotlight so much. Really. It’s okay. You can be the shiny, sexy ones everyone looks at. I am just thankful not to have to join in.
Let’s all embrace the way God made us and try a little harder to work together, shall we?
Love you, mean it,
Me
 
I need to be alone. I am not lonely. I am an introvert.

Blessings

Support Group

This time of year is so crazy busy for Wayne. Not only does he drive bus full-time for the St. Anne's Catholic High school, he also is a hired man for a neighbour, which means he works another 12-14 hour days depending on what is going on AND he cash crops our farm of 150 acres. For those who are unfamiliar with “farm-talk”, cash-crop means we grow a variety of crops (corn, soy beans, wheat etc.) for cash. He totally loves it. God definitely placed a farmer's heart within my husband.

We have a few days during this time of year that get a little stressful. Over time I have learned to be much more tolerant to my “missing” husband. I'll be lucky to see him an hour or so each day, and then he's usually so tired that he tries catch a few winks.

One of the things I've learned during both planting and harvesting time is that it's very important to stay out of the farmer's way during this time and just let him do his thing. It used to be a stressful time for me when the kids were younger, because Daddy was very busy and parenting our kids would become mostly my responsibility. Now though it's much easier to cope with the long work days and the stress he faces relying on the weather for getting the crops in and or off depending on the season.　

Thank goodness that this too is only for a time just like it says in Ecclesiastes 3:1 “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven”.  Reminding myself of this helps me put the busyness into a clearer perspective and to know that this too shall pass.

As I gather with other farmer's wives to commiserate together, comfort each other and consider our lifestyles, I realize that I am not alone during this season and am quite thankful and grateful for the support these women give me.

Hello my name is Anita and I am a farmer's wife.

Blessings

Hired {Wo} Man

My husband was born and raised in the country. In 1987; we bought the family farm and if we stay here until 2027, it’ll have been in the family for 100 years.

I however, was not raised in the country, so when he first needed me to drive tractor, I was frozen in fear. They say that there are two types of rural women: those who NEVER drive equipment and those who ALWAYS do. There seems to be no in-between.. . ... . When our boys were teens they ended up helping their dad with field work, stone picking and general farm chores. Now that both boys are out on their own, the ‘extra’ pair of hands needed on the farm has fallen to me.

Sitting in that 120-horse power tractor pulling a cultivator, for the first time, to say I was overwhelmed was an understatement. Thankfully I was placed in a field where there was nothing to do but drive. It’s been many years since that first time and I have now become quite comfortable behind the wheel. Although, truth be told I still need a reminder lesson each and every spring.

Working with my husband is quite often a blessing ~ to work side-by-side and share in the day to day life on the farm over a steaming cup of coffee/tea helps us stay engaged in each other’s lives, adding to the health and well-being of our marriage.

He has a heart for farming and the laid-back way of life it offers us and while our lifestyle may seem simple it’s something I am proud to share with my man. We were blessed to raise our family on the farm instilling in them a good work ethic and an understanding to lend a hand when needed.

I am a rural woman, and yes, I really do drive the tractor, pick stones, pick up the seed, hook-up equipment, return the fertilizer spreaders and end up helping with pretty much anything else needed during these crazy busy seasons.

Blessings

But, you don't look sick

Is probably what I’ve heard the most since I’ve been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and a few other interesting diagnosis - you can read about that here: and  probably the most frustrating.

This website ~ But you don't look sick  that was shared with me really helps to explain things.  If someone you know has been diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder ~ please take the time to read these amazing articles.  And then maybe, just maybe ~ you can get a glimpse of what we deal with. Each and every day.

Those with invisible chronic illnesses feel vulnerable, living in a world of healthy and whole people. We tend to walk around with our masks on and only let the mask slip a little bit to let the nearest and dearest of friends and family who know of our illness, see the real us. But we shouldn’t have to live this way.

Having an auto-immune disorder {invisible illness} can be and has been a real struggle. For the past several years, I’ve tried to explain my limitations and what I deal with every single day and a lot of people still don’t understand. But, I have become good better at advocating for myself.
 

I try to get through each day being thankful for the many things I do have and still can do and give God the glory He deserves.  Some days are better than others.

This quote from Theodore Roosevelt has really been an encouragement to me.  It's one thing to know your limitations and quite another to accept them and to live within them.

Here's my modification to the Serenity prayer:
God grant me the patience to welcome the limitations that I have
to bravely embrace each day as it comes
and the foresight to live within them.

Blessings

My words

For years I kept silent. Growing up I thought ~ what probably a lot of us thought ~ that ‘good’ girls didn’t share their ideas, opinions or observations about anything. And heaven forbid if we would disagree.. ..

I thought that what I had to say just didn’t matter. I struggled with voicing my concerns or making waves in any and all relationships or social settings; learning early on that keeping quiet and just following/agreeing with others would make life easier. Not better. Not worthwhile. Just easier. I told people in my life what they wanted to hear or at least what I thought they wanted to hear in order to keep the peace. I did things that I wasn’t interested in doing, and said things that were expected of me.

As I’ve grown older and perhaps a little wiser I’ve learned that using your voice for yourself is not selfish. It is not conceited nor is it bad. While I am not a confrontational person by nature, I found that by not using my words I wasn’t living an authentic life. It might feel selfish, but we all deserve to speak our minds and communicate with the world what we want.

Sometimes life can get messy. A lot of people simply suppress their thoughts/feelings down inside and bury them. By not dealing with them and letting them out at the time, all you are doing is making things worse in the long run. Denying them does not make them disappear. If we keep sacrificing them for everyone else ~ what will we be left with?

Think about that for a second.  

If you never speak up for yourself ~ never go after what you want, never set boundaries for what is ok for you, what are you left with?

The answer? Nothing. Well, nothing but bitterness, lack of confidence and a strong feeling that you are not worth it. 

Why is it so hard to say what we feel? Why is it so hard to speak up for ourselves?

You matter. I matter. Your thoughts, your dreams and your needs matter. So do mine!

If I am to an authentic life I need to Use. My. Words.

Blessings

Cookies, Cupcakes and Cheesecake

oh my! 

With all the kids moved out of the house I do not have as many opportunities as I’d like to, to bake. With it just being the two of us now, to do all the baking I used to when the house was full, would have each of us weighing over 200 lbs.. .. .. . however I really like to bake.

And so, when we have an opportunity to go and see our son, who lives in Orillia, I used that as an excuse to do some baking.

Boy, oh boy, did I bake! Cookies, Cupcakes and Cheesecake, oh my!

2 dozen Oatmeal Raisin Cookies, 1 dozen Chocolate Iced Vanilla Cupcakes and a Cherry Cheesecake later, the afternoon was spent. But that was okay - it was something I wanted to do.. … . I also ended up making a crock-pot of chili to take along for lunch.

We spent this past Sunday visiting our son and his girlfriend.  Spending time at the apartment, walking a nature trail, playing games, took time to wander through the shops on the main street and enjoyed the breeze as it came off the bay. Our time together was so wonderful, but it went by too fast and before we knew it we were headed for home.

Returning to the empty house is sometimes hard for me, especially after we’ve have a wonderful day or weekend away with our kids. While I am proud of the accomplishment of raising independent kids and I know we should revel in the fact that they are out on their own creating lives for themselves, after all that was the ultimate goal, there is a bitter-sweetness to it all.

Even though each of our kids have left the house, and are out on their own, I’ve come to realize that they still need our continued support and love for the rest of their lives ~ thankfully the journey of being a mom doesn’t ever end.

The sorrows of missing my children used to hit me in waves. I’d find myself wondering if everything is okay with them if more than four days went by without seeing or hearing from them. Maybe that old saying “out-of-sight out-of-mind” really is true. Or perhaps what you don't know won't hurt you, since I'm not given the opportunity to keep tabs on them as closely as I once could.

With all three of them gone now, we keep busy with our daily activities and realize that our children also lead full lives. Having family photographs sitting in view in our home are a gentle reminder of having my children near, and it warms my heart.

Blessings