Giving Grace

I am not the most gracious person, in fact I can hold a grudge like you wouldn’t believe. Like, I’m still upset about something that happened in 3rd grade and I’m almost forty five.

It’s a small part of me that I don’t particularly like, but it’s always been there, resting in my heart. And even though I’ve tried my hardest to correct it, still it remains. I realize how pathetic it sounds, but the truth is I have a hard time of forgiving those who have slighted me; especially if they don’t feel the need to acknowledge their mistake and apologize. That makes me want to burn their house down.

While I try to be the kind of person who addresses things, there’s something about being done wrong that sets my temper ablaze. Maybe it’s because I feel disrespected or taken advantage of; honestly, I’m not sure. Whatever the case, I need to be more willing to extend grace and forgiveness toward those who do me harm in these grandiose moments of betrayal.

After all, it’s what a good Christian would do. I think on this and chastise myself for being so childish about things that probably mean very little in correlation to the big picture that is my life. But then I consider the even smaller slights that happen every day; the ones that incite my anger for only a moment: the idiot who cuts me off in traffic and then feels the need to offer me a one finger salute for whatever reason; or the coworker who decides that I should be helping them do their work on top of my own. These types of things agitate me and cause my mood to sour. They’re obviously trivial, and yet I allow them to affect me in a deepened way. It’s because I am not willing to offer the same reoccurring grace God shows toward me every single day.

It’s one thing to be willing to give forgiveness and grace when we are wounded mightily, but it takes an abundance of grace to provide it in response to the everyday things that set us off. It isn’t easy by any means, yet if we allow ourselves to recognize and appreciate the forgiveness that is afforded to us on a continual basis, maybe we can then begin to show that same kind of grace to those who do us even the smallest act of disservice.

We readily accept God’s grace into our lives to combat and rectify our everyday wrongdoing; it’s time we — and especially I — extend that same amazing grace to those around us.

Blessings

did you just?

There is a covert bully who has launched a full-out attack on you. You don’t notice him because he disguises his voice with one that sounds like your mother, your friends, your co-workers, maybe even you. He pushes you around in guilt and fear and you listen like a robot, doing things you don’t want to do. The bully is Should, and it’s time to slay him dead.

How many hours have you wasted worrying about things you should be doing? How many harsh words have you spoken, not against injustice, but because you were frustrated over not living up to an expectation? Do you really want to color-code your closets or do you just think you should? Did you really want to hand-make those Valentine’s cards? Do you really want to cook a five-course meal for your in-laws? Do you really want to finish those baby books? Do you really want to clean the grout with a toothbrush?

Does this mean we don’t have to clean our house? Go to the dentist? Grocery shop? Are we being selfish if we think about what we truly desire? We have learned that being a grown up is simply learning how to be okay with shoulding on ourselves. When we were kids we naturally knew how to follow desire but now that we’re grown, we have learned to fill our days with responsibilities that we don’t like. But that’s life! you say.

Really? Because the Bible says life is Jesus.

And Jesus, who is life, says this about life: I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.

So what about the illness of loved ones, the disabilites of our children, the disparity in the world? There are so many difficult situations and heartache in the world around us, people who need our hands, our commitments, our love. So why do we insist on killing desire slowly by volunteering for committees we care nothing about?

Save the passion for the people. Save the serious for the things that truly move you. Sit heavy on your hands and raise them only for those things you can’t not step up for.

Duty is much more efficient. It is linear, easy to make a case for, quick to convince.

Desire takes risk, time, discovery, curiosity. There is no formula, no proven results, no guarantees. Desire is desperately inefficient. And so is love.

You are loved. You have been given love. Love lives in you. Instead of listening to Should, let love move you with grace and intention into the world. Care enough for the people in your life to choose those things that make you come alive. Take time to figure them out. Let the Lord speak. Let your heart speak. Let your life speak.

What would happen if we were brave enough to listen to our own desire? What if it was God’s idea from the very beginning to give you particular desires for particular things to fill a particular purpose? What if ignoring the voice of your desire is actually ignoring the voice of God?

So let's stop shoulding on each other.

Blessings

one proud mama

for anyone who doesn't know it yet, i wanted to share with you some thrilling news!

our daughter, is the new centre director of herbal one's exeter franchise congratulations! krystle, dad & i are so delighted and wish you many years of continued success with this exciting new business venture

Blessings

Ash Wednesday

In the days leading up to today (Ash Wednesday), I considered what I might give up to better open my heart to God. I rolled around a few ideas knowing that the idea of the whole thing was to turn toward God.

As I thought about what I might give up, I noticed that a lot of people around me were planning to give up similar pleasures: desserts, caffeine, alcohol. And as so often happens when I am people-watching, I saw something about myself.

In doing this, I would get to check a Christian duty off my list and hopefully lose a few pounds. A bargain, but certainly not a sacrifice. And then, it struck me that a bargain is not enough. It can make me feel better; it cannot make me better. To become better requires a sacrifice.

To become better – to become more focused on and in love with God – I can’t just take a pass on something I like a lot. I have to relinquish that which charms me most. Whatever makes me gasp, Surely not this! – this is the earthly thing most fiercely competing for heaven’s place. It’s what steals my attention so that I miss God’s whispers, enflames my heart so that I don’t seek His.

But I’d like to suggest something a little different this year. Instead of giving up coffee, Reese Peanut Butter Cups, fast food or other things of that nature, we should focus on giving up negativity and replace it with JOY!

Replacing the negative, discouraging and depressing thoughts and actions with positive will certainly help anyone who decides to do so. When you are on purpose looking for the millions of little blessings that are swirling about you at any given time, you will be a much happier, positive person. Everyone will see a noticeable difference and want to know the source of your JOY!

Not wanting anyone to fail, I suggest that you replace, replace, replace. If you are trying to get rid of one thing, it is always easier to do so when you replace it with something better. Tell me, what is better than true joy from deep within? We can't always change the circumstances that brings the black cloud of despair over us and try to keep us down, but we can make a choice about staying "in" the negativity or moving past it.

What are you giving up? Will you join me in giving up negativity and replace it with JOY, happiness, contentment and pure delight? And, if you fall short one day, give yourself grace and simply keep going.

I pray your cup overflows with unspeakable joy for these next 40 days and beyond!

Blessings

Emerald Eyes

I keep taking pictures out of my back door but none of them turn out the way I see it. The way I feel it, with my own soul eyes. So I stop trying and just sit for a while trying to memorize the way the branches arch up, heavy dense snow piled up on each thin strand. Not a breeze to disturb it, the glow from the rising sun, the other-world-ness of distinct calm.

I envy those who have that gift. The ones who take pictures and you can f-e-e-l the moment. My cousin Sandra is one such person. Several years ago, she started her own photography business and has photographed hundreds of weddings {including our daughters}, newborn baby sessions, engagement shoots, family portraits and with each one she totally captures the essence of the occasion.

Envy/jealousy is such a primal feeling! Like hunger striking, or fear, anger is so quick and present when it appears. You can’t take it back. It’s just there, all ugly and messy, yet so basic. There are endless scriptures that frown upon envy. But one that always tames my envy beast is:

Romans 12:6 "In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well". New Living Translation (NLT)

Sometimes we need to recognize the things we want and realize that it isn't ever about what we want but what we need. And that is what God gives us! He provides us with everything.... everything we need! Sometimes we need to realize that all the things we feel jealous of will not bring us enjoyment of life, but only Life from God can we enjoy all things.

I will be honest here, I can be and have been a very jealous person! Traits of envy are anything but admirable. It’s a nasty habit and does not reveal a gentle and quiet spirit. It reveals a little girl drowning in her own insecurities who does NOT know her worth. I must keep moving forward. I curse you, green-eyed monster.

Blessings

blechk

i feel undone.

and not just because it’s early on saturday morning. this undoing is the slow unraveling of everything i once held close to my chest. it’s the quiet whisper of One asking me to hand over expectations and beliefs and doubt, leaving me tangled in the debris.

but it’s a hopeful debris.

i think back on these past few weeks – i’m not sure why i hesitate with faith. probably because my knee jerk reaction is to wonder what’s on the other side, what fist is about to fall.. . ...

you would think, by now, i’d be used to the crushing. but i know from others’ experiences that really, this is just the beginning. crushing means finding gems in the dust. crushing means starting from scratch – a new beginning.

and in a weird way, this undoing is just about the most invigorating thing i’ve ever experienced because i know only He can untangle the messy pieces. for this reason, i may be undone but i’m so thankful i’m held in His hand.

Isaiah 49:16 "See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands".

Blessings

Admit it

Something I constantly have to tell myself is this:
"Admit it."

What does that mean?

Well the phrase "admit it" means breaking down my pride and...
admitting that I need help
admitting my sin
admitting my struggles
admitting my brokenness

If we all walk around this life thinking that we can live apart from Christ - we're fooling ourselves.

What would be the point of discipleship? What would be the point of reading the Word? What would be the point of anything? Because perfection needs no adjustment made, right? The problem is, we aren't perfect. Sometimes I trick myself into thinking I actually am. Like I have no problems or worries or sin or failures. But when you take the time to admit all these things, the freedom that is found is overwhelming.

Oh, the hope I find in Christ.

"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we REJOICE in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces {endurance}, and endurance produces |character|, and character produces h o p e, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." [Romans 5:1-5]

This is the whole point of the Christian life. We are being sanctified. We are growing. We are becoming more like Jesus.

Admit that you need help. Be broken before God. Cling to the Cross. Depend on the Lord.

I want to explain

Sometimes the Ego part of me wants a chance to explain. I want to explain my actions, my words, my choices, because I surely don’t want to be misunderstood. I don’t want to be questioned. To be disagreed with. To be challenged. And if I am, my Ego begs me to defend it.

Sometimes to appease the Ego, or the little scared girl inside me that just wants to be liked, I unload with a list onto the lines of my journal. It makes me feel heard, valued, expressed. And it helps me do a little less defending in my actual conversations, because I know that at least I understand my intentions. Sometimes it’s enough to listen to yourself.

Other times the list helps me realize there are some things I can’t explain, no matter how badly I want to because somehow when words get involved something gets dropped in translation. In this case the list is a visual for the things I simply know innately, on a soul level, and though I’d like to explain them, chances are it would take something away from the magic to force it into a nice, neat little explainable package.

Here’s an example of what my list might look like:

Why I want a break from the box of church
Why I want to see options I’ve never seen
Why I don’t “serve”
Why enough is enough
Why I’m tired and limited and slow to commit
Why I live and die by both/and paradoxes
Why it’s important I love on myself
My spiritual beliefs
That I will say yes, but am not afraid to say no
That I am awakened enough to know there is much I do not know
That I get messages from God, but I could be making it all up so I can like my life and myself. And I guess I’m okay with that.
My current read
My dreams
My truths
My messes

God notices the grateful heart!

Don’t miss the headline here. God notices the grateful heart.

Does God have an ego problem? No. But we do. Gratitude lifts our eyes off the things we lack, so we can see the blessings we possess. If you look long enough and hard enough, you’ll find something to bellyache about. So quit looking! Take your eyes off the weeds. Collect your blessings. 1 Thessalonians 5:16 - 18 says "Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."

Gratitude is always an option. Make it your default emotion—and you’ll find yourself giving thanks for the problems of life. Impossible you say? How do you know? How do you know until you give every day a chance?

Blessings

love ... love... love...

TRUE LOVE IS…… Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:4 - 8a & 13 New International Version (NIV)

Blessings

birthday boy

We celebrated my Dad's 70th birthday today. No that's not a typo; he really is 70..... oh m goodness! when did that happen? We hosted an Open House at their home and invited the extended family, church friends and co-workers for cake & coffee. There was such an awesome turnout to show support for Dad at this milestone in his life.

I am so proud to have this man as my father.
He is a wonderful example of giving more than expected, loving as deeply as possible and caring so well for his wife, kids & grandkids.

Happy Birthday Dad! Looking forward to celebrating many more years with you!

Blessings

It's a boy!

I am very excited to announce that our daughter Krystle and her husband Gerard are

ha ha

gotcha!

no they are not expecting -

but they have added a new little addition to their family.

Meet Bentley (a miniature schnauzer) isn't he just the cutest puppy you've even seen.

Blessings

The Pour House

Writers live in fear of sitting down one day and having nothing to write. There have been seasons in which I’ve sat down to write a post and struggled with a howling vacancy.

Since starting this blog I have written a myriad of posts. Some are well-written, other are just random babblings as I figure things out. This year I’m determined to be more honest, oohh not to you really, but to me. I want to be honest about the who, what, where, when, why & how of my very existence. So it makes me especially fearful of having nothing much to write about.

If there’s nothing doing, then I have to face two startling truths:
1. I have not been resting with God, waiting on God, or doing anything else much with God lately.
2. I need to post something honest and true rather than posting something just to have “fresh content.”

Among other benefits, blogging has forced me to face my seasons of spiritual emptiness and struggle. When I need to “pour out” posts on a regular basis, I have a continual reminder to stay on track with God. If not, I risk being a fraud.

I think this is why serving others is so important in Christianity. Serving others, whether by writing, hospitality, prayer, or whatever else. Service forces us to depend on God’s resources. If we don’t depend on God filling us up, we’ll become exhausted as we scrape the dregs from our own lives.

Sometimes I try to pour something from God into the life of someone else and come up empty. That is what I fear in life. I fear being empty of God’s influence, having only my own wisdom and experience to share.

As you enter a weekend that will hopefully have a fair share of rest and restoration, may your cup spill over with God’s presence. And as you begin next week, I pray that you’ll be able to share God’s blessings with at least one other person.

That, after all, is why we’re here.

Blessings

something

Have you ever had one of those amazing thoughts of something you want to do? Your heart beats wildly for a few minutes or even a few days and you thought to yourself, “I’m going to do this!”

But then the reasons you can’t start coming. They suit up, start marching and aim their weapons of discouragement right at your heart. So, in the end the amazing thought becomes a fleeting thought.

And you think to yourself, “Yeah, it was a dumb idea.” Then as quickly as the stir of passion started, it fades.

Too many of us live in the depressing grey shades of a thousand faded passions that might have been.

Because we’re afraid.

We’d rather stay safe and under the radar – then go big and possibly flop big.

But every now and then someone rare comes along. They would rather die than say, “I wish I would have…” Instead, they grit their teeth, lift their raw souls to God, and scream above all the naysayers, “I will! By God I will!”

I want to be able to do that. I do not want to live my life in fear.

But I’m SCARED. Life has become a disillusionment to me and everyday that I just keep moving without stopping to get a hold of myself and my life, I’m one more day lost. And the days are going by in a blur.

Something in the last couple of years has changed and now I’m just tired and depressed. I need to come back.

I need to take an inventory of my life, my goals, my purpose. I want to be a wise woman, and a women with depth. Right now, I’m a shell of what I used to be…or who I hoped I’d become.

I need a plan for my life, and I intend to get on with it.

I love my kids, and I love my husband and I am so thankful for our home and the life God has given me. He is so good and so patient and so gentle.

But a life rushed or lost is not a full life, and I need to be filled. I don’t want to regret my life and how I lived it. The time is now.

"I have tried to make a habit over the years of not listening to people who either criticize me or praise me. Spirituality is a really mysterious thing, and I feel as though I have received various coordinates from God over the years in terms of what I need to be spending my time and my work on, and that’s really what I’m listening to. If following faithfully along those coordinates puts me in a season of praise with a certain group of people, that’s fine — but I don’t do it to get in those graces, and neither am I upset if that also costs me some people along the road. I would much rather be faithful than successful…”- Derek Webb

Blessings

while i wait

Living in a place of preparation and uncertainty can be stressful, draining, and unfulfilling. You’re always waiting for the next thing. You don’t know what you’re supposed to do each day because you feel like you were made to do something else.

While having my coffee this morning I sensed that God really does have things to teach us and to develop in us at the times when we feel stuck or in between or simply uncertain. He gives us opportunities to grow, and we’ll simply never know how He may use something to shape us.

I’ve learned a lot about that throughout my life lately. Things have not followed the path that I’d chosen for myself and planned out, but at the same time, I have what I need and God continues to teach me things I never expected to learn.

I suppose this is part of what faith looks like: we take steps forward each day into the uncertainties of life, trusting that we can hear God today and move forward, trusting Him with the results.

At the end of the day, if we can give God the glory for where He has led us, we may also find that we’ve ended up right where we belong.

I don’t know why this is, but it’s always easier to panic and worry than to stop and seek God’s leading. Why is that? Perhaps worry at least feels like we have some semblance of control.

The last verse of Matthew’s Gospel shares this from Jesus, “Be sure of this: I am with you always, even until the end of the age.”

It’s a comfort to know that we have a God who not only sends us into the world to do His work, but He promises to go with us. If we can stop, wait, and listen for His leading, He’ll be there for us. Perhaps He won’t show up in ways that we expect, but as we discipline ourselves to wait patiently, something the Psalms talk about quite a bit, we’ll find that He is more than able to give us the faith and hope to survive our gaps.

I wish I knew why some folks go through tougher or longer gaps than others. In my own life, I’ve noticed that God sometimes delays giving me things that I want because either A) I’m not ready to do anything worthwhile with them or B) I don’t really need them.

If we are in a relationship with a God who promises to be with us, we need to lean heavily on that promise during the gaps in our lives. A gap between what we know and what we want presents us with the uncomfortable but valuable lesson that we can have joy when God alone sustains us.

We just may find that we’ll be better prepared for the next season in our lives if we learn from the gaps.

Blessings

One thing leads to another

It’s very easy for me to get sidetracked when I am at the computer. The other day, I started at
Mennonite Girls Can Cook and followed the link to

For Everything a Season and followed the link to

Nothing but blue sky and followed the link to

Happily Ever After and followed the link to

A Tasty Kitchen and followed the link to

A Spicy Perspective and before you know it, I'd been sitting at the computer for hours.

If you've read every post on each blog {like I did!} you'll soon realize why I can't get anything done in a day!

Blessings

Zielman Spa & Retreat Centre

For the past, mmhmhmm, not sure how many years it's been now; my mom, my sister, my daughter and I gather for a mini retreat and spa day. It's been at my mom's house for several years, but with Krystle recently purchasing a new home; she was keen to host.

So we gathered yesterday and feasted on a super yum dinner of Chinese food and enjoyed great conversation with each other. We watched the movie The Help and ended up chatting until 3:00 am. This morning we were treated to a delectable brunch of Belgium waffles, strawberries, muffins, croissants, pineapple, bacon, orange juice and tea. What a treat! Then the spa fun began. With foot baths, manicures, & facials we were certainly spoiled.

It was such a delightful way to spend the weekend. Thanks for hosting Krystle. I am really looking for next years.

Blessings

Let me tell you a secret

I feel like I should tell you something. sshhh, you can't tell anyone. OK... here it is.

I don’t do it all. I can’t. I simply can’t. And. .. really . . neither can you. At least, I assume you can’t. I just want to make sure I’m not putting off a false impression. You know, we tend to do that. We see other women who seem to have have it all together and we wish we could too. I commend those who volunteer at the food bank, home school their kids, help the elderly, work a 40 hour week and the list goes on. But that's not for me.

My house is NOT spotless. I prioritize some things higher than a spotless house. It is picked up (mostly), but not extraordinarily clean. The baseboards remain undusted more often than not. The windows need washing. The floors could stand to be swept. The cupboards need re-organizing.

Just because something is important to me – it may not be important to you. Just because something is important to you – it may not be important to me. You may be an impeccable housekeeper by nature, but you may not like to plan dinner. There is so much grace in motherhood and womanhood. There are so many ways to be – and an equal number of ways not to be. When you consciously let go of the expectation of doing things you don’t value, you create room to do the things that are important to you.


It's all about grace. Grace.

And it's OK, cause you ARE enough.

What I am saying is this.. . ... don’t let your choices make you feel inferior. Use your power of choice to create room in your life to pursue what is important to you, what makes you tick, what gets you going, what makes you passionate. Saying no to one thing allows you to do something else. Refusing to do something out of obligation or guilt allows you to put time into what you value and what your family values.

Don’t let society, or blogs, or other women, or the way your mom did things rule the way you live your life. Don’t mop your floor everyday because your mother would wag her finger at you if you didn’t... . ..mop that floor everyday ONLY (only, only, only!!) if you feel like singing while you do it, if it makes you come alive. Do things because you actively make the decision to do them, not passively because you feel like you ought.

Choosing to make time to read a book or do a craft or pursue a passion is not idle. It is not unworthy. You do not need to be dictated by our high-performing, high-achieving, never-resting, always-moving society. No one gets a medal on their deathbed for cleanest showers.

Pursue the things and ideas and people you love. Let go of the things that hinder that pursuit. After all, sometimes crumbs on the floor make people feel at home - able to just be in a place and with a person that isn’t perfect either.

We don’t have to do it all.

Women don’t/can’t/won’t ever be able to do it all. And that's OK!

Blessings

facebook free february

after reading this blog and her decision to go without facebook for one month. i was convicted. and realized that this could be and would be a really, really good thing for me to do as well. facebook has been wonderful for me. it's helped me to re-connect with old friends, it keeps me in the loop with what‘s going with my family, it’s like a tiny window into the world.

but it’s becoming or i guess already has become a bit of an addiction. you see, i check facebook regularly. and by regularly i don’t mean only once or twice a day. by regularly i mean one or twice an hour and yes, i do read all that has transpired since my last check in. i get quite frustrated with myself and my need to see whose doing what and who’s thinking this. i mean what did we do before facebook. we never knew that so and so was doing this or that he was heading off to wherever or that she would be venting about that.

so, every time i feel like checking a status update, i will instead take that time to pray. and every time i feel like i need to know what others are doing, i'll have to ask them when i see them next.

i needed to make this difficult decision at least for the month of february otherwise i’m allowing facebook to dictate my life. i’m always saying you need to make time in your life for the important things and really, does facebook, merit that kind of status?

so.. . ... i'll let you know how things go.

Blessings