Saying no, graciously

Thanks to the Internet I found 35 ways to say no to various requests, social or otherwise, for time/sanity/control we simply can’t spare/compromise/relinquish:
1) I can’t do that.
2) I have a conflict.
3) I’ll be out of town (or out of the country, or checked out, or out of range, etc.).
4) I never even considered that.
5) I’m not planning on it.
6) I have no intention of doing that.
7) It’s not part of my agenda for today (or this week, or this month, or this lifetime, etc.).
8 ) I’m unavailable.
9) I’m not interested.
10) It’s not my thing.
11) It’s not a priority for me.
12) No.
13) I’m just not good at that.
14) I don’t have room in my life for that right now.
15) Listen, I have to get going but thanks for asking.
16) You go ahead. Let me know how it goes.
17) I promised my _________ some quality time. Insert “family”, “special someone”, etc. in the blank.
18) The last time I did that, I didn’t love it.
19) Been there, done that.
20) I’ll call you when I’m ready to do that.
21) I’m focusing on other things right now.
22) My spouse wouldn’t approve. (For more drama, My spouse would divorce me.)
23) I need some alone time right now.
24) If I agreed to this, it would be extremely low priority.
25) Life is too short to commit to things and people we don’t love.
26) Let me check my calendar.
27) I’ll have to check with my family.
28) I’ll see if I can get a babysitter.
29) I need more information.
30) I’ll have to think about it.
31) I’m afraid I’m not the right person for it.
32) I’m slammed right now but let me recommend ____________ who would be excellent at that.
33) I don’t want to hold you up so feel free to ask someone else.
34) Sounds tempting but I’ll have to pass.
35) I wish I could but I simply can’t.

Do you have a difficult time saying no? I do. At heart, I am a people-pleaser. I hate disappointing people.

But at some point, you realize that you can’t say yes to everyone else. And attempting to do so puts at risk your own agenda and the things that matter.

If a 2-year-old can do it, why is it so hard for a grown woman? Okay, we know why. But we also know it must be done: if you accepted every invitation, you'd never sleep; if you gave to every worthy cause, you'd go broke; if you went along with everything everyone ever wanted from you, you'd be...as exhausted as you are right now. So for the times when you're truly sorry to decline, and for the times when you'd rather have a root canal than say yes, we need to learn to say ixnay, thanks but no thanks, count me out or my personal favourite; I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request.

Too often, we think we have to invent some sort of elaborate excuse. We think it's a big, huge deal to say that we’re sorry, we can't. So here's what you say: "I'm sorry, I can't." Seems simple, huh?

Saying yes when you really want to say no doesn’t do anyone a service. You can’t please everyone, so instead of reluctantly giving in, try forming two magic letters that can free you from potential resentment and burnout.

It helps to:
Be polite but firm. This shows that while you’re sympathetic, your mind is made up. Being wishy-washy only builds false hopes.

Keep your answer short. A lengthy justification of why you can’t isn’t necessary. Try “I’m sorry, I’m not available then” or “I have another commitment.”

When in doubt, say “no” now and then change your mind later. It’s more disappointing if someone is counting on you and then you let them down.

Do you have trouble saying no sometimes? Are you generally understanding of others if/when they say no to you? Do you think the challenges of saying no are more imagined than real? Do you have a preferred way of saying no, if so please share?

Blessings