Introvert

Having finished the book “Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking”, by Susan Cain, {Listen to her here} I’ve come to realize that as an introvert, I have often felt bad or less-spiritual because I just don’t enjoy crowds or parties or large groups. Ice-breakers, circle games and church-potlucks are pretty much the most frightening encounters that I simply must endure. Get-to-know-you chit-chat is a necessary evil so I’ve practiced, and thankfully, I’ve gotten much better at it now. I prefer to write to figure out what I think. I feel I am much more eloquent when I write than when I speak ~ I quite often find myself being tongue-tied especially in large groups of people.

Being alone is a treasure. I adore quiet, still moments, where it’s me and only me. I don’t crave conversation {yet appreciate the art of it}. I don’t ache for company {even though I enjoy getting invited over}. I don’t need a house full {although I LOVE having my family home}.

Much goes on during the time I’m alone. What happens matters, is needed, is necessary if I am to continue being the me He created me to be.

Being alone matters to me. Some folks think we need to be vulnerable and transparent and deeply connected with everyone and their dog and Facebook. Not me, I figure if we don’t talk IRL there’s no need for you to see what I am saying/doing on the net.

I don’t believe we can have real, true relationships or real, true friendship with over 500+ people. I believe we were made to belong, made to love and to be known. And I also believe we’re really truly blessed if we have a very small handful of people in the inner “circle.” Most of us don’t need much more than that, not really.

I like to follow the example of Jesus:
Jesus had the Crowd, {These are the people in my life without any real intimacy ~ people you know by name or sight (grocery store clerks, postal workers, librarians). You run in the same circles but you’re not really much more than acquaintances. I don’t give much energy to these relationships.} then he had his large group of Followers, {These are the people with whom I have a measure of general friendship. The ones that greet you in the grocery store, or wave as they pass you by on the road. I enjoy our time together, absolutely, but these are the people who don’t require a commitment from me.}, then the Twelve, {These are the people with whom I feel a connection of the kindred-spirit and bosom-friend type. We hang out, do the coffee/tea date thing, likely go to church together, regularly share our lives, and have fun together. I enjoy our time together, and am committed to these friendships. They make my life better.} then just the Three {This last circle is now very small, indeed there is but a few who make it this far ~ these are the people who know me. I am open with this small group of people because they have earned my trust. I feel I can be the real me with them ~ both the silly and the serious. They know me, truly know me, and speak into my life often. They challenge me, encourage me, call me out when I’m wrong, pray for me, and have my back, as I do the same for them}.
　
To all the extroverted people in my life:
Dear {insert name here}
You wear me out.
I love you, but still. You wear me out. I imagine I frustrate you as well, just based on how much you get me going, tying to include me before I am ready ~ before I’ve thought it all out. That must be exhausting. But, on the other hand you do get to listen to the sound of your own voice, and we both know how much you like that. {smirk}
Kidding. Sort of.
 It’s fun to watch you in a crowd of people as you all seem to out-energize each other. Really, it’s one of the most fun things about gathering in large groups. You should step back and try it some time. Oh, who am I kidding? You’re not going to do that. That’s not who you are.
The trouble is, once I’m ready to contribute ~ once I’ve gathered the information, and thought through every angle, and processed it through my over thinking brain, and re-written it in my head several times, and finessed every word, and finally ready to add my 2¢ , you have already changed the subject ~ and my process starts all over.
I’m not slow. I’m intentional. The wheels are constantly turning, even when my lips aren’t moving.
What I’m asking you for is a little more time and space to process information. Remember: you process on the outside, I process on the inside. But we are working together, even when it doesn’t look like it.
Don’t feel bad about being in the spotlight so much. Really. It’s okay. You can be the shiny, sexy ones everyone looks at. I am just thankful not to have to join in.
Let’s all embrace the way God made us and try a little harder to work together, shall we?
Love you, mean it,
Me
 
I need to be alone. I am not lonely. I am an introvert.

Blessings