something

Have you ever had one of those amazing thoughts of something you want to do? Your heart beats wildly for a few minutes or even a few days and you thought to yourself, “I’m going to do this!”

But then the reasons you can’t start coming. They suit up, start marching and aim their weapons of discouragement right at your heart. So, in the end the amazing thought becomes a fleeting thought.

And you think to yourself, “Yeah, it was a dumb idea.” Then as quickly as the stir of passion started, it fades.

Too many of us live in the depressing grey shades of a thousand faded passions that might have been.

Because we’re afraid.

We’d rather stay safe and under the radar – then go big and possibly flop big.

But every now and then someone rare comes along. They would rather die than say, “I wish I would have…” Instead, they grit their teeth, lift their raw souls to God, and scream above all the naysayers, “I will! By God I will!”

I want to be able to do that. I do not want to live my life in fear.

But I’m SCARED. Life has become a disillusionment to me and everyday that I just keep moving without stopping to get a hold of myself and my life, I’m one more day lost. And the days are going by in a blur.

Something in the last couple of years has changed and now I’m just tired and depressed. I need to come back.

I need to take an inventory of my life, my goals, my purpose. I want to be a wise woman, and a women with depth. Right now, I’m a shell of what I used to be…or who I hoped I’d become.

I need a plan for my life, and I intend to get on with it.

I love my kids, and I love my husband and I am so thankful for our home and the life God has given me. He is so good and so patient and so gentle.

But a life rushed or lost is not a full life, and I need to be filled. I don’t want to regret my life and how I lived it. The time is now.

"I have tried to make a habit over the years of not listening to people who either criticize me or praise me. Spirituality is a really mysterious thing, and I feel as though I have received various coordinates from God over the years in terms of what I need to be spending my time and my work on, and that’s really what I’m listening to. If following faithfully along those coordinates puts me in a season of praise with a certain group of people, that’s fine — but I don’t do it to get in those graces, and neither am I upset if that also costs me some people along the road. I would much rather be faithful than successful…”- Derek Webb

Blessings