I want to explain

Sometimes the Ego part of me wants a chance to explain. I want to explain my actions, my words, my choices, because I surely don’t want to be misunderstood. I don’t want to be questioned. To be disagreed with. To be challenged. And if I am, my Ego begs me to defend it.

Sometimes to appease the Ego, or the little scared girl inside me that just wants to be liked, I unload with a list onto the lines of my journal. It makes me feel heard, valued, expressed. And it helps me do a little less defending in my actual conversations, because I know that at least I understand my intentions. Sometimes it’s enough to listen to yourself.

Other times the list helps me realize there are some things I can’t explain, no matter how badly I want to because somehow when words get involved something gets dropped in translation. In this case the list is a visual for the things I simply know innately, on a soul level, and though I’d like to explain them, chances are it would take something away from the magic to force it into a nice, neat little explainable package.

Here’s an example of what my list might look like:

Why I want a break from the box of church
Why I want to see options I’ve never seen
Why I don’t “serve”
Why enough is enough
Why I’m tired and limited and slow to commit
Why I live and die by both/and paradoxes
Why it’s important I love on myself
My spiritual beliefs
That I will say yes, but am not afraid to say no
That I am awakened enough to know there is much I do not know
That I get messages from God, but I could be making it all up so I can like my life and myself. And I guess I’m okay with that.
My current read
My dreams
My truths
My messes

God notices the grateful heart!

Don’t miss the headline here. God notices the grateful heart.

Does God have an ego problem? No. But we do. Gratitude lifts our eyes off the things we lack, so we can see the blessings we possess. If you look long enough and hard enough, you’ll find something to bellyache about. So quit looking! Take your eyes off the weeds. Collect your blessings. 1 Thessalonians 5:16 - 18 says "Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."

Gratitude is always an option. Make it your default emotion—and you’ll find yourself giving thanks for the problems of life. Impossible you say? How do you know? How do you know until you give every day a chance?

Blessings