Publish

Sometimes I wonder why I keep coming to this empty space and pouring out my heart with my imperfect words. I wonder because the process can be so painful. The writing at times is hard, but what happens after I press “publish”  can be mentally exhausting. The after moments that come as a result of pressing that button are too often the same.

First, there is a pleasant burst of confidence that this is the one post I finally got right. My words seemed to flow and the message is clear.

Then, my unbelieving heart moves to questioning every word written.

It's in those after moments where I find myself saying, I will never be good enough at this writing thing ~ everyone else does it so much better. Comparison has successfully stolen any sense of joy.

It's in those after moments where I wonder why I ever started. After all, this wasn’t a life-long dream of mine.

It's in those after moments where I once again say it's time to call it quits! .. . ...

But then, someone comes along after I've pressed “publish”  and leaves some words of encouragement and lifts my spirits. I almost allow my worth to be found in their one little comment. Time ticks away and a few more comments are left, and each one gives glory to our amazing God. I'm reminded that my worth isn't found in their comments, but in Him.

It certainly isn't easy being vulnerable. For many of us, being vulnerable is the complete opposite of how we were raised. Stuff your emotions and move on was more of the norm.

While these after moments can be painful, I'm always led to the moment of remembering I write because every time I find him. I write with the hopes that after I press “publish”  that maybe, just maybe I will help someone else find Him.

Blessings