Really? Really!

How are you… really??

Should I be honest?  I wondered.

What if I start crying? What if she doesn’t really have time to listen? What if she’s just asking to be nice?

I could keep it simple and say, “I’m fine.”

There I was, standing in the lobby at church waiting for my husband, when a friend walked up and asked how I was doing. Since I am in active cycle of my illness I was not “fine.”

I was exhausted. I was overwhelmed. I was afraid.

Sometimes it’s hard to let people know how we’re really doing because we don’t want to be high maintenance, right?  And it’s easy to believe people don’t really want to know when they ask. Sometimes they don’t.  But what about those times when someone sincerely wants to know and I still don’t want to tell them?

There are times when I tell people I’m fine even when I’m not, because I want to be. I hope by saying “I’m fine” that eventually I will be. Other times I act like I’m fine because I think others expect me to be.

Then there are days when hormones trump all good manners and if my people are within ten feet they know I am NOT fine. In fact, if I tell them I am, what I really mean is that I am Freaked out, Irrational, Neurotic, and Exhausted!

But not in public. Not where others can see the real me.

This my year to be intentional about what I say, what I do and more importantly who I am and choose to follow. I wonder, can we be women who live unfiltered lives? Not a call to use words carelessly, over-share, or end all creativity, but to say “Here I am. Just as God made me.”

Can we share the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful and bring God glory through our interntionality? Can we be women who embrace imperfection?

Can we say…
I struggle with anger ~ but trust God to give me peace
I’m insecure ~ but believe God’s plan for my life is good
I’m not a strong speaker ~ but know that God will give me the message
I worry ~ but have faith that God’s way is best
I struggle with envy ~ but trust God knows why it’s not yet my turn
I’m not perfect ~ but God will fill in where I am weak
And that is where I stood that day in the lobby at church. At a pivotal point of decision. Will I be honest and let her see the real me? Should I let her know how I’m really doing?

Everything in me wanted to keep my guard up, keep my heart sealed off and my lips sealed tight.

But I was tired. Tired of pretending I was fine.

So I took a risk. I let my heart, my words and my tears spill. Shared the hard parts of this life. And while it feels safer to pick and choose the pieces of our lives we share, there is freedom and fellowship when we remove the filter of “fine.”

I want you to share that you don’t have it all together, because then I can pray for you. I want you to share your victories ~ the big and the seemingly insignificant ~ so I can cheer for you. I want to see the photos of the beautiful party and the mess left when everyone leaves, so I can relate to a heart that cares more about people than perfectly swept floors.

I believe we can be women who choose to share our live with intention, ones that are filtered by nothing more than the grace of God.

God is working His grace and His strength in my weakness.

When I’m willing to be weak, He gets to be strong. When I’m willing to be real, others get to see, pray for and get to know the “real me” and the real God I desperately need and love.

When someone asks how you are or how they can pray for you, is it hard to be real with them?

Blessings