Keep Calm and Carry On

Have you ever really, realllllly wanted – even needed - something to happen… and it didn’t?

Of course you have. We wouldn’t be human if we got everything we ever wanted. But sometimes, it seems kind of cruel, doesn’t it?

Remember the movie Willie Wonka and the Chocolate factory - I love this movie. I think it borders on profound. It’s like a brochure on the evils of greed, gluttony, and selfishness. The hero is none of those things; the other children are all of those things. The hero survives; the others are destroyed by their impulsiveness, obnoxiousness, and covetousness.

They see something, they need to have it, they go out and get it.

They’re not much different than you and I.

We see something, we need to have it, we go out and get it, don’t we?

These past four months I’ve struggled with situational contentment. An issue we’ve prayed for hasn’t changed; a situation we’ve needed to resolve has remained the same. I feel ready to break, and yet, there’s been no give.

I used to believe we’re not given more than we can handle. Now I feel like that can’t be right.

Sure, I’m not the kids in this story. My biggest problem is not whether or not I get an invitation to a chocolate factory, or how much TV I get to watch, or if I’m the world record gum chewer.

My problem is actually a legitimate problem. What I want seems pretty reasonable.

But you can’t always get what you want.

The thing about these seasons where you can’t get what you want is that it makes it very hard to watch other people seem to get what they want. It makes it very hard to hear other people muse about your reality as hypothetical situations -‘if I were you, I’d do this…‘ I want to be teachable. I want to be open. I want to grow. But something I wish I could tell the world, "guess what, you don’t have those things. Be happy and stop talking."

So today, I’m going to get up and do the things I need to do. I’m going to go about my day and be thankful. I’m going to care for my husband. I’m going to clean my house. I’m going to make dinner. I’m going to take the puppy for a walk. I’m going to wash those clothes, I’m going to . .. … .. …

The more I do those things, the more thankful I am for all of those things I need to do.

We are blessed by abundance. Sometimes we just need eyes to see it.

Perhaps, if we got everything we needed, we’d never see those things.

So, in case any of you are in one of those seasons where you desperately need something to change and, for some bizarre reason, it just won’t, know that there’s at least one other person fighting hard to

keep calm and carry on.

It’s going to be okay. Really. Realllllly. We can do it.

Blessings

What is?

Does anyone remember the game show “Jeopardy?” For all I now; it could still be on t.v. in reruns, I don’t really watch much t.v.

Anyway the premise of the show is that it features trivia in a wide variety of topics, including history, literature, the arts, pop culture, science, sports, geography, and wordplay; however, unlike them, it has a unique answer-and-question format in which contestants are presented with clues in the form of answers, and must phrase their responses in question form.

For example, a contestant might select "Presidents for $200," and the resulting clue might be "The Father of Our Country; he didn't really chop down a cherry tree," to which the contestant would respond "Who is George Washington?"

I’ve been feeling a lot like a contestant on Jeopardy recently with each and every visit to my Doctor. Readers will recall this post and this one where I decide that I am determined to find out what ails me, to two years later to this post where I have resigned myself to not finding any answers.

However, I decided to pursue it just a wee bit more.

So if we were playing Jeopardy, let’s select health for $800.
Clue: Fibromyaglgia, Supraventricular tachycardia, Hypoglycaemia, Hypertrophy Calcineurin Arthritis, these medical terms refer to this.

Cue the music - {do do do dodo do do do dah dah dah dah dun dun dun dun dun dun}

Answer: What has Anita been diagnosed with?

Ding, ding, DING, ding DING!!!!

You WIN!

I am sure you must have a lot questions - I know I did - so thanks to Wikipedia, let me break it down for you. .. . . . .. . .

Fibromyalgia:
a central nervous system disorder, is described as a 'central sensitisation syndrome' caused by neurobiological abnormalities which act to produce physiological pain and cognitive impairments. The defining symptoms of fibromyalgia are chronic widespread pain, fatigue, and heightened pain in response to tactile pressure. Other symptoms may include tingling of the skin, prolonged muscle spasms, weakness in the limbs, nerve pain, muscle twitching, palpitations, functional bowel disturbances, and chronic sleep disturbances. Stress may be an important precipitating factor in the development of fibromyalgia.

Supraventricular tachycardia:
is a general term that refers to any rapid heart rhythm originating above the ventricular tissue. Symptoms can come on suddenly and may go away without treatment. Stress, exercise, and emotion can all result in a normal or physiological increase in heart rate, but can also, though more rarely, precipitate SVT. Episodes can last a few minutes or as long as 1 or 2 days, sometimes persisting until treated.

Hypoglycaemia:
is an abnormally diminished content of glucose in the blood. The term literally means "low sugar blood". It can produce a variety of symptoms and effects but the principal problems arise from an inadequate supply of glucose to the brain, resulting in impairment of function, characterized by shakiness and altered mood and thinking.

Hypertrophy calcineurin arthritis:
calcified arthritis located on the C4 {this is the big one}, C5, and C6 cervical vertebrae which affects the nerves on the right side of the body and these nerves also run from the brain through the spinal cord to the body. They connect to the muscles and tissues of the body, allowing them to function.

So there you have it.

While there is no cure for any of these, it feels good to finally have some answers.  I've known this for a while and yet I was hesitant to write and post this to the blog for fear that once it’s “out there” I’ll be labelled not by who I am but by what I have.

Blessings

On being a farmer's wife

As a child we would visit my Schwartzentruber grandparents on their farm and I remember going into their dairy barn with my nose plugged closed so I would not have to smell that fresh "county" air. How ironic is it that I married a dairy farmer?!?

After losing our dairy barn in 1998 and deciding not to re-build, we chose to remain on the farm and become a cash cropper. For those who are unfamiliar with 'farm-talk' that means we grow a variety of crops (corn, soy beans, wheat etc.) for cash.

Farmer in the Dell
The farmer in the dell, the farmer in the dell
Hi-ho the dairy-o, the farmer in the dell.

 

The farmer takes a wife, the farmer takes a wife
Hi-ho the dairy-o, the farmer takes a wife.

One of the things I've learned during both planting and harvesting is that it's very important to stay out of the farmer's way during this time and just let him do his thing. It used to be a stressful time for me when the kids were younger, because Daddy was very busy and parenting our kids would become mostly my responsibility. Now though it's much easier to cope with the long work days and the stress he faces relying on the weather for getting the crops off.

In Ecclesiastes 3:1 it reminds me There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: knowing this helps me to put the busyness into perspective and to know that this is not forever. I wonder..... shouldn't there be a support group for us.

Hello my name is Anita and I am a farmer's wife.

Blessings

Panic

“Ok - promise me you won’t freak out” are the words my son says to me the other day, and all I can think of is: “W-H-A-T?!? are you kidding me of course I’m going to freak out” but what I actually say is “o-k-a-y, sure, so what’s going on?” to which he repeats “don’t freak out, ok?”

Why is it when we’re about to give bad news to people we hesitate or we try to prepare them by telling them that even though I’ve got bad news, everything is ok. Um, hello, if everything was ok, then why are you telling me not become alarmed.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a tendency to panic which according to dictionary.com is: a sudden overwhelming fear, with or without cause, that produces hysterical or irrational behaviour.

Yep, that’s me alright.

As I hear or experience any type of trauma, my mind leaps ahead to worst case scenarios. Like the one time when my husband was late one evening and I have him dead and the funeral all planned. Or when I can’t reach my son on the phone and I think he’s passed out because he lit his gas stove and the noxious fumes have filled the room. Or, how about the time I am home alone and I hear a weird noise so I lock myself in the house constantly looking out the window for any intruder. Or, well, anyway I am sure you get the idea. Wayne thinks it’s because I watch to many movies or read to many books that have these type of stories in them and then I find myself thinking through all these crazy ideas.

I tend to be afraid a lot. In fact, I tend to limit the opportunities that are offered to me because of fear. I’ve often thought about writing a bucket list {which is basically a wish list of things you want to do before you die} to help me overcome my fear, but then I’m afraid I’ll only let myself down cause I won’t be able to cross anything off because there are just too many things that I am afraid of.

And then I gently remind myself of this: John 14: 27 {NIV} Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Blessings

you-google-izer

Have you ever wondered why? Why are leaves green? Why do cats purr? Why aren't we happy?

Why is probably the most singularly asked question that our world has revolved around. When you have a question where do you go to find the answer? I use the Internet most of the time, books second and asking lastly. I go onto the net to find out everything from medical advice to how to clean something.   It's no wonder then it's nicknamed "The Information Highway". There is truly a marvel of information found on the net.

Just the other day I wanted to find out how to set an older watch - one we have long since lost the instruction manual for - so off to google I go.  And there it was - the exact instructions - AWESOME!!!  Making the watch useful again. Putting random words in the google search bar could get you into trouble so you should be careful with what you type in ..... .

The information available on the Internet these days is kind of like having a school; where you learn the newest and most up to date info without having to buy all the textbooks, at your fingertips.

I love to read and cuddle up with a good book but when I want info in a hurry it's to the computer and surfing the net for those quick answers. There are times when it can be frustrating not finding the answer you're looking and I've always wondered who puts all that info out there?

When you have questions, where do you go for the answers? 

The only dumb question is the one not asked.

Blessings

K. P. A.

{Kyle Protection Agency}

We were in Orillia over the weekend, spending time with our son.  And as he chauffeured us around showing us 'his' town, and with him being 295lbs and 6' 3", it felt a little like having our own personal bodyguard, giving me at least a feeling of celebrity status. 

From the moment we arrived we were busy with: eating lunch at the TUX, {where he works as security} walking through the many shops downtown, while there was also an old car show through streets of town and just hanging out at his place.

We also spent time with our niece Brenda, her husband Rich and their two adorable children, Cedar & Nemma.  They blessed us with a place to stay and breakfast the next morning. 

Spending time with my Spike always bolsters my spirit. Watching our son become an independent young man, out on his own, helps me to realize that I did a good job as a parent. Sure I/we weren't perfect, and I know we made our share of mistakes - but when you see your sons or daughter "out there" on their own, well, it makes me proud.

As we finished lunch with Kyle & his girlfriend Teya we walked through the park and I captured this photo of them.

And before you know it, it was time to head for home.  Saying good-bye was hard as it always seems to be.  As we drove the many miles to get back home, the ache in my heart did start to ease and as I sit here remembering our time together, I am thankful.  Thankful that we can spend time with family, enjoying each other's company, and so very, very thankful that it's only a few hours of a drive; one that we can make again and again.  Until next time .. ... . ... .

Blessings

Being the only one

I walk through my house, thoughts swirling through my mind like the dust bunnies doing dances in front of my vacuum.

I think of other women who have cleaner houses. Which leads to thoughts of other women who cook better meals. And that goes on to other women who have cuter outfits, and are better at twitter, and can make small talk with ease.

I wish I could be like… is the refrain that goes round and round in my mind.

Finally I hit the power button on the vacuum, feeling drained myself.

I whisper a question, “God, why do I feel I need to be like so many other people?”

It seems there is an answer that comes so quiet…

Because the enemy would rather have you be like anyone but Jesus. As we used to say, um, duh. If I’m busy trying to be like Mary, Martha and Margaret then I’m left with no time to be me. Or, more specifically, to let Jesus be who He is through me.

Each of us are made in the image of God. That means we’re created to show Him to the world in a way no one else ever has and no one else ever will.

I do that by being who He made me.  And you do that by being you.

So listen, let’s decide together that we will stop trying to be like each other.  And instead be conformed to the one whose likeness we’re made in.

I empty the vacuum bag, dust and clutter giving way to clean again. I smile because my heart suddenly feels like that too.

Comparison replaced by clarity – about who I am, what I’m called to do, and the God who choose me for His purposes.

And you.

And you.

And you.

All of us. Just as we are – and unlike anyone else.

Blessings

Tired

I'm tired!

and you know what - I'm tired of being tired.

I lay there in bed listening to the rhythmic breathing of my husband, getting more and more frustrated ~ oh no not at him, at me ~ the fact that I can't sleep.

It's not just one night, it's getting to be every night. Anytime between 2 - 4 am, I wake up, sometimes most-times I have to make that middle of the night call and of course it wakes me up just enough to not be able to fall back asleep. And I lay there thinking.. .. . .. .. .

So up I get, trying my best to be quiet as to not wake the hubs. But till I get the kettle started for tea and start with the click-clacking of the keyboard, it's no wonder when in a few short minutes he's down stairs with me enjoying a warm cup of tea. Amazingly enough he shows me grace that I wouldn't give if someone woke me in the middle of the night and for that I am truly thankful.

So we spend some quality time together talking and enjoying each other's company until it's time for him to head off to the barn and me, well I'll head back up to bed to try and regain some of those lost hours.

Poor little puppy is tired too.  We were gone all day yesterday, enjoying the Farmer's market in St.Jacobs.  It's takes almost a full day to enjoy;  till we drive there and back, wander for hours thorugh the street market vendors and take time to enjoy a delicious luncheon at AnnaMae's in Millbank.  To say I was exhausted when we returned home was an understatement.  But then it doesn't take much these days to tire me out.  

To be honest I tend to get quite frustated with myself at my lack of energy. And knowing what I have in store for me to do today, I better get off the computer and get some more rest or the circle of tiredness will just continue.

It's no wonder I am tired.

Blessings

Blog Block

ugh! i've been struggling the past few days with what to write. it's not that nothing has been going on, quite the opposite. i’m sure you’ve noticed not a lot has been written on my blog. it’s not that things aren’t happening.  it’s that all of life, the good, the bad, the ugly seems to be filtered whether or not it’s blog-worthy. and it seems that not much makes the grade as it were. does that mean i’ve gotten critical or am i starting to compare my blog to those i read religiously. to be honest i struggle with writing, i think long and hard about what i want to write and i am so concerned with what i say looks like in print. this past week has been busy. in fact when i stop to think about it, alot has happened since i last wrote. i envy fellow blogger friends who seem to have a never-ending supply of topics to tantalize, taunt and tease their readers. you know who you are! i have what seems to be a writer's block of some sort.

according to wikipedia ~ writer's block is a condition, associated with writing as a profession, in which an author loses the ability to produce new work. the condition varies widely in intensity. it can be trivial, a temporary difficulty in dealing with the task in hand. at the other extreme, some "blocked" writers have been unable to work for years on end, and some have even abandoned their careers.

it's amazing that i'm actually facing one, despite the fact that i am not even a real writer.

top 3 reason why i think i have blogger's block:
1. i am a perfectionist. i operate under the belief that in order for me to post anything on my blog, it should be a coherent & meaningful.
2. i am a “slow-cooker” writer which means that i need ideas to simmer for awhile. i need a lot of time to process my thoughts before i'm ready to share them.
3. while many bloggers are quite content to be spontaneous, impulsive, and informal, i have this crazy notion that i should strive to take blogging to a higher level.

so until then.....

blessings

Change of Plans

With the rain gently falling today, my plans have changed. Years ago that would have sent me into a tailspin - after all most of us like to be in control of our day.

However, most days I must admit I spend sitting outside reading, soaking up as many rays of sunshine that I can. Yes, yes, of course, I do load or two of laundry each day, and yes, I still make lunch & supper for us, I also take Sasha for her daily walk, but other than that I don’t DO a lot each day.

With yesterdays rain preventing me from sitting outside I was able and even willing to get the house cleaned. And boy did I clean - my mother would be proud {yes mom I know you already are} - I cleaned the house from top to bottom and everywhere in between and you know what??? It actually felt good. But now with today’s rain, what will I do??? I’m not about to clean again - that would just be silly. I suppose I could work at the books. You’ll recall this post and while I did in fact have good intentions, I must confess that I still have not started any book work. In my defence though you should know that I have to create a new work sheet on-line using Google docs rather than the original file. 

Each time I think about this I get overwhelmed with the thought of having to create a new  spreadsheet before I can even DO the bookwork and hey, let’s be honest here it’s just easier to leave it at least for a few more months. Unfortunately the December deadline is looming closer and closer.

So maybe today's rain is God’s gentle way of reminding me there is more to do each day that just soak up the sun. And since I cannot sleep because the rain on our tin roof sounds like metal spikes being pounded in - I guess I'll get an early start this morning.

Blessings 

To think or not to think

There is so much whirring around in my head but I can’t seem to organize any of it into a well packaged blog post. There is everything and there is nothing. Sorting through it is overwhelming. I take a deep breath and keep going.

Everyday.

One day at a time.

Looking too far ahead makes the butterflies in my tummy start flapping. Reflecting on the past sometimes stirs up more pain than joy. So I try my best to keep my head and my heart in today.

To be present.

To savour every moment I have with the people I love. Instead of giving up on God coming through for me, I need to go to him and ask him what he wants me to change. I can start with me. And it begins with learning to wait.

We need times of quiet and reflection, times of inner peace and relaxation. If we are preoccupied with plans and a compulsive need to succeed and be appreciated, or if we are tired, tense and stressed, it is difficult to slow down and listen to reality and to others.

There is this feeling of 'betwixt and between'? It seems that the way I used to define myself, my life, no longer makes sense. So it is important to find a healthy rhythm of life, and to know how much rest we need and the types of relaxation that give life.

Blessings

Follow the yellow brickroad

The journey of life can be compared to this:

Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road.”

Okay so what’s the word for today? Right it’s YELLOW! uh what? no, it's “follow”. But here’s the point I’d like to put forward; 1) the obvious isn’t always what we do and 2) the right thing isn’t always what we do.

By following the yellow brick road Dorothy eventually made it to Emerald City and met the great and powerful OZ. Sure she had some distractions along the way and took a couple of wrongs turns. She ended up in the witches castle for a bit, but at the end of the day she found the good witch of the North and made it back home all safe and sound.

Our journey should be as simple, follow the straight and narrow road try not to get caught up in the distractions, stay away from evil, find a good friend {Jesus} who will lead us home to Heaven; where we'll meet the Alpha and Omega, the Creator of all, our God and Saviour.

To follow: according to dictionary.com is the act of following. In Matthew 4:19 Jesus said, “Come, follow me”. At times we will be called to follow “en masse”, as a group. But the day in day out existence of the believer is done individually. We need to stop the comparisons; and start following Jesus. A lot of the subtle changes we seek to make in our lives are going to push and pull us into areas of the unknown and perhaps the unpopular. But if we are truly seeking after Him and are motivated, then, when action is called for, we will not only follow but follow through. Who knows where those subtle changes are going to lead.. . ...

Blessings

Joe Cool

How did it happen that over the span of a few short years “Cool” was so quickly replaced by “Weird?”

It immediately takes me back to my own teen years when people’s perceptions far outweighed the fun of spontaneity.

When the pull of conformity over ruled individuality.

When influence rooted group think and apathy, rather than bold steps towards innovative leadership.

Now as a grown woman, I look around at my peers, and realize that their response isn’t that much different I’m considered “weird” by many.

Decades ago, the most notably quoted bible verse was John 3:16, now it’s Matt. 7:1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged,” which quoted on it’s own, is completely out of context.

As “the church,” many are caught between this delicate balance of attempting to be cool and relevant, while not being too weird or offensive.

If I had to choose, I would rather be weird any day.

I want to live large for Him, but I wrestle with how that plays out on a daily basis.

Christ’s perfect model never guarantees comfort. In fact, He requires sacrifice, and with that often comes challenges, change, and the need for a big douse of courage. Yet, His bridge building techniques spanned chasms of hostility, indifference, and apathy.

I want that! You should want that.

We must look different.

So how do we dream those big dreams of creating irresistible influence, yet make them reality?

I am starting right where I am in my own core circle of influence.  
My desire is to be known as a friend who guards confidences, and when gossip begins, I end it immediately, and point people to the biblical model. Gossip has such a strong hold among women. Sometimes we don’t even realize we are in the middle of it, and we don’t see the damage occurring. I want people to know that their reputations are safe with me.
My desire is to be a help mate to my husband, and build up the sanctity of marriage, when so many try to derail it. Bottom line, marriage is hard work and half of all marriages are ending in divorce.
My desire is to be a mother who continually points her children to the infallible word of God as the only truth, the only answer to all cultural, political and societal answers. I want to be a mother who loves and encourages unconditionally, yet delicately balances grace and truth when they fail. With their world and life view being challenged at every intersection, this solid foundation is something that takes time, but that can’t be overlooked.
My desire is to encourage women to embrace their role as a wife and mother by sharing creative and relevant ways to live a beautiful life on a budget. (Yes, and many of those might be classified as “weird”. :) )
My desire is to expose the lies that we have any hint of perfection going on in this life. I am one huge mess, and that’s why I need my Saviour so desperately.  

In fact, if you think back to your own high school years. Who are the people you remember most fondly? I bet it wasn’t even the “cool” kids.

As I remind myself, “Know who you have been created to be.”

Always remember, as His precious daughters, you are fully and uniquely accepted, attractive, significant, and most of all loved!!

Bottom line, I’m weird, are you?

Blessings

Visitors???

As Wayne quickly called me to the door, I couldn't believe my eyes.

These two little visitors were just sitting outside my door tonight.

And stayed long enough so I could capture a photo or two :)

But when we tried to invite them for hasenpfeffer - they declined :)

Blessings

A much needed reminder

After reading this post, I was reminded of this one that I wrote a few years ago and I think it bears repeating.

EASY as A, B, C
The word happiness evokes visions of unwrapping gifts on Christmas morning, strolling hand in hand with the one you love, being surprised on your birthday, responding with unbridled laughter to a comedian, or vacationing in a exotic locale.

Everyone wants to be happy; we make chasing this elusive ideal a lifelong pursuit: spending money, collecting things, and searching for the new experiences. But if happiness depends on our circumstances, what happens when the toys rust, loved ones die, health deteriorates, money is stolen, and the party's is over? Often happiness flees and despair sets in.

In contrast to happiness stands joy. Running deeper and stronger, joy is the quiet, confidant assurance of God's love and work in our life - that He will be there no matter what! Happiness depends on happenings, but joy depends on Christ.

Simple, really.

Blessings

Thank you Krystle for a well-timed God-timed moment.

Blessings

A new month

.. .. .. a new chance.

I love the 1st day of each month!

It's a chance at a fresh start ... again! Too often I get caught up in the fact that new chances or changes can only happen on New Year's Day. It makes me think that I have to stay in the mold or rut I am in because it's not a 'new year', only a new day. But that's just it isn't it. It IS a NEW day. We're given a fresh chance everyday to become a better person than we were the day before. Living out our lives day to day can be pretty monotonous; doing what we've always done. Why is it then, we are so astonished to get the same end result as before? Seems kind of obvious, doesn't it? If you want different end results you need to make some changes. But what to change? Where to start?

Not wanting to go the wrong way, we hesitate to make that first step.  I need to remind myself that "I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 {NIV}

So I take my next step in faith, knowing that God is with me as I go forward, backwards, or even sidewards.  The key is to not stand still, but to trust in Him and to experience all that He has for me; to understand that He only has my best intentions in mind and to rely on Him for all things.

Blessings