little ms. happy

my pessimistic tendencies are a stark contrast to little ms. happy.

i’ll admit it. when it comes to happiness, i’m afraid to admit it for fear that it’s only a matter of time until something bad happens.

just typing that out i realize how cray-cray it sounds!  what is WRONG with me?
do you struggle with the same thing? i find that the older i get, the more intentional i need to be.  i mean, i can’t control those around me and “make” them “make me” happy.
can i?
so instead of happiness, i am seeking contentment. {my one word}  it's that something that lasts through the changeable situations of life. because somehow life doesn't always turn out how we thought it was going to be, nor necessarily how we planned it.
is it even possible to be happy?
rather than spend a lot of energy on the negative, {which makes things seem bigger than they actually are} i'm going to choose to count my blessings and be thankful for what i DO have! oh. don't let me fool you… little ms. happy, i am not... but hopefully soon… Take Care