These past few days, I have been fighting the overwhelming array of symptoms caused by fibromyalgia, hypertrophy calcineurin arthritis, supraventricular tachycardia and hypoglycaemia . It’s been a daily struggle to give myself permission to stop. Just stop and rest these symptoms out.
I am one who would like to have some unlimited source of energy enough to ________ {fill in the blank}, and be the girl who never says no. After all, “you don’t look sick”.
With my people pleasing tendency, I struggle greatly if I feel I’ve let someone down. So I keep saying yes, which then leads to an extremely long week and end up struggling with my symptoms, creating another downward spiral. Of course, we all know that trying to do it all is a pretty unrealistic expectation for a healthy person, let alone one with chronic illnesses.
Sadly, it has taken me quite some time to look at what others are doing and actually say, I can’t do that, and that’s ok.
It’s been a hard lesson to learn.
Over a significant period of time I have come am coming to terms that I am not like many healthy people. Those who are so caught up in the comings and goings of the day that they don’t realize just how wonderful it is that they are able to get out of bed, complete their tasks without pain, remain focused and alert as necessary, eat what they want - when they want, and sleep deeply when their day is complete. While it is unfortunate that there are limits to my functioning, I know it could be much worse and for that I am grateful.
I’ve learned, well maybe I should say I am learning to accept my limitations in what I can do and can not do, while still trying to understand that my worth does not come from that, but rather who I am in Christ.
And finally, I have learned to have a greater appreciation for my husband. Who, in addition to working full time, willingly helps with the housecleaning, the laundry, the dishes, making meals, the yard work and walks along side me to help me keep a healthy exercise routine.
Blessings
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