How are you?

I’ve suffered from fibromyalgia for many years and like most fibromyalgia patients, it took me many years to finally get a diagnosis. To this day I’m not sure what I find hardest; the constant pain, fatigue and myriad of other symptoms that come with the diagnosis, or the constant need to explain and justify it. 

Are you feeling better? 

I get asked this nearly every day of my life. Or something similar. 

The answer? Well, that depends on who you are. 

An acquaintance gets Yeah, much better today. Thanks! 

Family, they usually are told I’m doing ok. 

But there are a tiny few who get the truth. But why only a few? Why do so many get the lie? I’ll tell you why. Because the truth disappoints people. 

Every time someone asks how I am, I know the answer they want. Everyone wants to hear you’re getting better. But for someone like me, getting better doesn’t really come. Yes, I could still tell the truth. But then I’d have to have the awkward moment where people don’t really know where to go with the conversation. 

I tried it for a while. I put it all out there. No holds barred. Someone asked me, I told them the truth. 

There are those who will never get the extent to which another suffers. There will be judgments. There will be naïve but hurtful comments that will literally crush your already fragile spirit. There will be doctors who will dismiss you. There will be a lot of self-doubt. There will be those who will never say it, but wonder if your suffering is as real as you make it to be… or if, as in my case, I was simply a stressed out.  

I`ve had my integrity questioned because you know IF my health issues are as severe as they are, I should always look forlorn. 

Quiet. 

Listless. 

And that puts my back was up against the wall, with me defending what shouldn’t need to be defended. I hate myself for scrambling to explain, for working so hard to make others understand. I’ve been treated as though I’m exaggerating wildly. I’ve been told to stop being so dramatic. 

Enduring chronic anything ~ all day, every day, in varying degrees ~ is crazy-making, lonesome, and challenging all on its own. Skeptical tones, judgmental eyes, critical words ~ all they do is make me regret opening my mouth. 

So I learned my lesson. I built my walls. I put on a smile and tell the world I’m fine! 

Thanks for asking xx

Take Care