Some days

Honestly... I. Just. Can’t. 

“I know today is ___ {fill in the blank} day, Lord.  But I just can’t. I simply cannot add one more thing to my day... I’m sure You understand, right?”

Yeah. Some days are just hard.

I’m exhausted. I’ve been feeling exhausted, tired, and worn down these past few days. And this past week has been especially difficult….

I am tired today.

I hurt.

When I am in an active cycle of my illness doing the most simplest, mundane of tasks is insurmountable.  On these days, more than any others I am feeling pain and not “up to par”. I live in a body that betrays me. Frequently I get down about things, because I am hung up on how I want things to be, rather than accepting things as they are.

Honestly? I just want a break. From the demands. From the worries. From the illness. From the laundry, the dishes, the next door neighbours dog barking and the planning and the grocery lists and ALL THE THINGS.

And when I struggle with my limits, my thoughts turn to self-pity...

WHY. ME.

Why me? Of course it’s an extra-sneaky two-word lie, so it’s not always quite so blunt.
Sometimes it says:
** I’m the only one who struggles with this. 
** Why is this so hard? 
** Everyone else...their lives are much simpler.

And yet, God doesn’t command us to pull it together. In the moments when I'm extremely troubled, God doesn’t yell “get it together, girl.”  Instead HE whispers “come to me dear one, come to me.” He invites us to crumple into the comforting arms of Christ … to pray … to scream … to beg with abandon … to heal.

I can’t control everything anything.  God always has the best in mind for me and I don’t need to wake up in the morning and just hope everything goes well, I can have joy and meaning and hope regardless of what the day brings.

“Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 {New Living Translation {NLT}}

Take Care