The Tapestry of Life

They say life is a journey - which is funny because it makes me think of the band Journey and Steve Perry’s awesome poof mullet. But I digress.  We each have a journey we’re walking, a story we’re living as we progress through each day. Sometimes our journey is a happy one filled with good times and laughter; other times, it’s full of heartache and hurt. Whichever is true for you, we all are on a far reaching journey - a journey that doesn’t end until we’ve let our last breath slip from our lips.

If you and I were to sit down and discuss the intimate details of my journey thus far, we’d need several hours. It’d be soaked with tales of bad decisions, of faltering virtues and a flawed logic. But looking back, and because hindsight is so perfectly clear, I can see each step I took led me, thankfully, to where I am now. No, the mistakes I made - and believe me, there were plenty - aren’t forgotten, but each one, despite my best efforts, led me to something good, something worthwhile.

God has a plan for each of us. As it says in Jeremiah 29;11, "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". So what happens when the choices we make doesn’t match up to the plan He’s laid out for us? What happens when we refuse to follow our calling or His ways and we end up off track and lost? Can we ever get back? The answer is actually rather simple. Yes, we can.

You may have stepped away from His journey for a minute, or maybe it’s been a long while. But I can truthfully say that you’re right where you need to be. God can use you, help you, restore you right where you stand. It may not seem like it right this moment, but imagine looking back on the spot where you now stand and seeing how it soon led you to something beautiful and full of redemption. You may feel unworthy of the love and grace He has to give, and that’s understandable. But imagine looking back one grace-filled day and saying softly to yourself, “I was right where I needed to be”.

Life is like a wall tapestry.

We're only viewing the backside. It appears to be nothing more than a jumble of thread—tangled, frayed, occasionally knotted, and seemingly random. Nothing really makes sense. It’s no wonder people lose heart, give up, and abandon their commitments. But things are not always what they seem. It’s only when you turn a tapestry over that you see the art: the rich colors, the texture, and the patterns that can make a tapestry a thing of astonishing beauty. Likewise, occasionally God gives us a glimpse at what He is weaving into the fabric of our lives. That momentary peek at glory gives us the courage to soldier on, knowing that nothing happens by accident. No thread of experience - good or bad - is wasted. When it appears to be that way, we just have to remind ourselves that we are simply looking at the backside of a tapestry. And the One weaving it together, knows precisely what He is doing.

Blessings

Outnumbered

We've got them outnumbered. The Kaufman's in the family that is.

There is more Gerber's than Gingerich's a few more Kaufman's than Zielmans, and if you put us all together it spells

We were together today, celebrating - not just Easter, or Meme's birthday, or Mother's day, but also the fact that all 16 of us were able to be together. Making this one of those photo worthy opportunities.

Blessings

Family Time

ah yes! Having the family home was the hilight for my weekend. In fact,  I was too busy having fun that I didn't get any pictures.

Since,  Krystle got married, Kyle moved to Orillia for college and Darcy lives at the Little Inn of Bayfield as the Nightkeeper, we've been empty nesters.....  Bizaare as it might sound, I am really enjoying this time with just the ole' farmer.  To be honest, before any of the kids had moved out, I was afraid of the "empty nest". 

My kids had created meaning for my life every single day. They had needs I could research and meet. They had aches and pains I could hug away. They had fascinating interests I could encourage and bright eyes for exciting events we could share.  For 23 of the the past 25 years of our marriage we've had kids around us. I was worried that when it was time for it to be just the two of us, we'd have nothing to connect us.

With apologies to my kids, whom I love very much, I am not experiencing what Wikipedia calls a "lonely, abandoned feeling" associated with empty nest syndrome.  In fact, our empty nest is a surprisingly comfortable place.

We've successfully launched our children,  and are experiencing a sense of mutual fulfillment.  It's something to celebrate this parental accomplishment of a job well done.  The reward for all our hard work is independent children.

And so tonight I celebrate my great success... with dribbling tears.

Saying Farewell

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good-bye. It's never easy to say good-bye.

In fact sometimes it can be down right hard heart-breaking. None-the-less, all through our lives we, at one time or another, have had to say these words.

Today was one such day for me. It was my last day at the office. And while I loved my job and the people I worked with, it was time to move on. Not that I really have anything else in mind. It was the right decision to make. The staff surprised me with a farewell party, complete with cake donuts, fresh fruit and of course a wonderful gift.

Alexander Graham Bell quoted, "When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us." I want to be careful not to do just that. Sit around with regret. Sure it'll be hard come Monday morning, to not get ready for the office, and it'll be quite different to sit around in comfy clothes rather than the usual business casual that I wear to the office. But I hoping that I'll have some time to pursue some of those ideas that I've had floating around my brain for some time.

I have about a billion ideas every day. Most of them have to be discarded because, really, I’m just one woman.. . . Some ideas turn into hobbies, things that I enjoy in the downtime of life and I really enjoy them. But, there are few things that truly are dreams. I hadn’t even noticed the threads of my dreams being braided together into a beautiful strand until recently. For the past few years, God has been nudging my heart and my voice to recognize a distinct need. That need can be filled with my unique perspective, I know that. But, it’s scary. How big? How soon? How much do I take on? When? For how long? These are all questions that feel weighty and heavy in their burden.

When it’s a dream, it feels important not to screw it up. But, paralysis via perfectionism just won’t do. Not this time. So, what then? What to do when your dream scares you? When it seems bigger than you, when it seems bigger than your talents, when it is certainly beyond your resources? I guess you pray. You talk. You continue to dream. You let those strands turn into a braid, and you let that braid grow longer and stronger and more sure. You wait and grow more sure

Close your eyes for a moment...

Think of the wildest dream.

The biggest hope.

The more you long for.

And then open your heart to this... "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory. Ephesians 3:20-21

You can't out-dream, out-hope, out-do God. And how does it happen? Through his power within us. Within you. We want God to hand us what we want. He says instead, "Take my hand and watch what we can do together."

It may not be what we have in mind. But it's guaranteed to blow our minds.

Blessings

Not Darcy approved

As we were finishing up the dishes tonight, my handsome young son, Darcy, says to me "you know Mom, these dishes would not be Darcy approved".... .. .. .. .

Since the dishwasher had broken down quite some time ago and with only Wayne & I here, it seemed a wee bit silly to spend an exorbant amount of money to get it fixed. I could just wash those pesky dishes by hand. However, since he's been working as a dishwasher for The Little Inn of Bayfield he tends to critic my dishwashing capabilitlies.

Next time I think, I'll just let him do wash those dishes all by his lonesome - ^.^ That way, 1) I don't have to do them and 2) they will be Darcy approved.

Blessings

Sticks and Stones

I have been affected by the power of words lately - both my words and others' words. Words that are hurtful, confusing, discouraging. Words that say things that shouldn't have been said, let alone thought. Words that make me sad. Words that make me angry. My knee jerk, over simple solution is to stop emailing, stop talking, stop the words. A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends. Proverbs 16:28 NLT

A word out of your mouth may seem of no account,
but it can accomplish nearly anything - or destroy it!
A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that.
By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.

Chances are you’ve been called something that hurt you, maybe even scared you. Chances are you have used some pretty hurtful words yourself.

In this day and age people will say anything that comes to mind. In the animated classic Bambi, Walt Disney coined the common phrase, “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.” We all need to watch what we say and I believe it’s OK to be the one who doesn’t have the last say…it’s alright to just listen and not speak…it’s alright to give someone else a compliment with nothing in return…and above all, it’s a good thing to be the one who extends some grace filled words into someone’s day. More than you know, it is likely they need to hear a kind word…just one word that could make all the difference to them.

Sticks and stones hurt and so do the words that are used to attack others. Words are powerful. Words can lift a person up or bring a person down. Yes, you can try not to allow hurtful things to wound your soul and crush your spirit but for the most part they manage to get in and accomplish the pain intended from the person who sent the wounding word.

People often say hurtful words to others because they are displacing hurt that is within them. Some of us are strong enough to endure words that are cast upon us by others. But some are affected deeply by strong words. The longer you allow hurtful words to affect you, the deeper the hole becomes and the harder it becomes to climb out of it.

Spend more energy and time on being kind, saying nice things, and just being a person with positive things to do and say. Your reward will be greater and better for being a kind person. It is better to be noticed for doing something nice than to be noticed for doing something hurtful.

Hurtful words are like bees. They sting and leave their poison to spread to the core of the person. Sometimes, there's an allergic reaction to the bee sting and can result in the demise of it's victim. Same with hurtful words according to Proverbs 18:21 "The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences". NLT

As a wife, a mother and a Christian, I'm accountable for the words that flow from my mouth. The words I speak go out into eternity. I can seek forgiveness and forgiveness will be granted, but I can't take back my words. We all say things that we wish we can take back. When our tongue cause hurt to others, we need to humble ourselves before God and our victims. From reading the gospels, I believe that Christ was a listener…and when HE spoke, HIS words were few, but always said with kindness and gentleness. I am trying to be a better listener. When you listen, it is amazing what you will hear!

Make it a habit then, of saying one kind word to each person who crosses your path. AND "Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.." EPHESIANS: 5:2

Blessings

Finding Balance

Busy as a bee .... as I have been reading different friend's blogs, I've noticed a common theme among the ramblings. Everyone is so busy. Busy with jobs, kids, gardens, crafts, you name and someone out there will be busy with it.

I too am feeling overly busy lately with life.

I've been reading a very good book called "Boundaries", by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. Ironically it's about setting boundaries in life so one does not feel overly busy with doing it all. But doing what you choose to do, well.

How do you decide what it is you want to do with your life? There are so many options these days.

I believe that God has a plan and a purpose for each of His children, we need to seek His guidance for our lives. Unfortunately too often we get caught up in the routine-ness of life, without searching out His will.

In the book, it says that we need to say "no" to some things so we can say "yes" to the right things. I too often think that if I don't do it, it won't get done, and you know maybe that's not a bad thing. Sometimes we have to be willing to let things go, and if there is a real need for it, someone else will step up to do it.

So as I try to bring more balance in my life, I need to first seek His will and follow His desires for my life, and to not get to caught up with this world...........after all we're only here for a short time.

Blessings

Time

Recently I watched the movie "IN TIME" with Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried.

In a not-too-distant future when the aging gene has been switched off, people must pay to stay alive. To avoid overpopulation, time has become the currency and the way people pay for luxuries and necessities. The rich can live forever, while the rest try to negotiate for their immortality. When Will Salas inherits a fortune of time from a dead upper class man, he is falsely accused of murder. He is forced to go on the run from a corrupt police force known as 'time keepers'; and must figure out a way to bring down a system where time is money - literally - enabling the wealthy to live forever while the poor, like Will, have to beg, borrow, and steal enough minutes to make it through another day.

We have some pretty crazy ways of talking about time. It’s like we’re in this abusive, exploitative relationship with time that passes through dramatic ups and downs.

We keep time.
We lose time.
We save time.
We kill time.
We make time.
We spend time.
We waste time.
We guard time.
We fight time.
We always wish for more time

On one hand, time is one of the most precious gifts we can give to someone else. On the other hand, it can be a slave master that rules us—prodding us to move faster, to do more, and to feel guilty. The guilt of how we spend our time can be crushing.

Time isn’t the problem. Our problems come from our adversarial, sometimes overly sentimental relationships with time.

Time is a Gift from God
God is present in our days, using us for his purposes. He gives us these limited amounts of time on earth so that we can accomplish his Kingdom work. This is an essential starting point. If time is my own, then I will guard it from others and fight to use it as I desire. If time comes from God, then I don’t need to fight, struggle, or save. God does the saving, and I do the following.

God Wants to Use Time
Each day doesn’t have to begin like a race we are losing. We can begin by seeking God’s desire for us and for our days. I often find that an attitude of submission and seeking that is directed toward God’s desire for my day can make the difference. We don’t need to struggle with time. God wants to heal our relationship with time, leading us to a place where we can find his peace and rest each day as we line ourselves up with his desires and direction.

So, take a minute to thank God for today and to offer your time to him.

Blessings

on choosing your own adventure

When our son was younger we would buy him Choose Your Own Adventure storybooks as a way to get him to read. I loved those books. But after he ws in bed, I’d read ahead and skim the different options to see how they all panned out. And then pick the best one. I wanted the most ideal outcome to every situation — the best story possible.ssshh don't tell

In some ways, I’ve tried doing the same exact thing with my life.

When faced with choices, I wish I could peek ahead and see how all the options will turn out. (I’m not talking about moral issues, but things like where I live and what job I take.) I want to make sure I pick the one that is God’s perfect will for me. I want to stay in line with exactly what He wants me to do.

But that way of thinking paints a picture of God having one ultimate plan for my life, which includes specific choices in even the smallest of decisions. And while that may sound holy, it leaves me feeling a bit like a puppet. As though if I get one thing wrong in my attempts to navigate His will, the rest of my life is basically a wash.

I’m not sure that’s how it works. Maybe God doesn’t hold my future in the balance based on where I choose to live. Or what career I step into.

In the midst of navigating the greatest transitions of my life, there is freedom in realizing God isn’t controlling me. My prayers don’t need to be, “Tell me what to do, God, and I’ll do it.” I can operate in the gifts, abilities, and common senses He’s given me. Maybe He just wants me to discover and embrace who I am and what I would enjoy.

That doesn’t mean my decisions are devoid of God. Quite the contrary. It requires an enormous sense of trust in Him as my Shepherd and guide.

So maybe He really is letting me “choose my own adventure”, guiding me with the desires, dreams, vision, and wisdom He’s placed inside me. And maybe I don’t need to strive so hard to peek ahead and confirm the outcome in advance, because no matter what, I remain in His hands.

I am still trying to nail down specific thoughts on all this… I’m in no way implying that we shouldn’t pray or seek God’s specific guidance. I’m not saying we can do whatever we want because His grace will carry us regardless of our willful choices to sin or disobey or go our own way.

I’m just saying I think there may be more lateral freedom in “God’s will for my life” than I’ve ever before grasped.

What’s your take on all this? I’d truly love to hear your thoughts.

Blessings

yes, er, um, i mean no

the other night, i wrote an e-mail that most may consider a piece of cake.

for me, it had taken months to push me to this point where i hesitantly raised my hand and said, “i can’t anymore.” so i sat in front of my screen, line blinking in the big white space, my heart pounding and waiting for words.

in a way, i think i felt like a quitter. mostly i didn’t want to disappoint someone.

once i sent it though, despite my fear, there was an immediate relief of knowing my plate wasn’t as full as before. my no was a needed step.

for more reasons than i can list, i’m beginning to see a proverbial line form in the sand. i even wrote it in my journal this morning: i feel the line being drawn and i’m wondering when the answer will appear – which side will i be found in the end?

at what point will i need to cross?

i don’t even know the answer. {this is what bugs me the most}

feeling the urge to say yes to the no’s – the releasing of things once important but now an added pressure. good things. beautiful things.

but not my things.

in letting go, i’m embracing more of who i am – more of who He’s made me to be for the world. i’m opening my eyes to brand-new possibilities and resting in the certainty of right now.

and i’m learning that no – despite the fear – is okay.

have you ever said yes to no?

are you needing to right now?

Blessings

FRAZZLED

I laugh a little before I respond because I have so been there.

I still go there sometimes.

But I'm slowly learning we're not made to live worn out lives. We're not supposed to be tired all the time. How did we get persuaded that we have to run on empty? It's April. And outside my window are signs of new life. Flowers daring to slip their heads up toward the sun. Trees unleashing the first small, green leaves.

Growth. Good things. Renewal.

This month I want us to focus on the same.

Let's explore together, be creative even dare to play a little. Let's find out how to stop being so tired all the time. What do you say?

The first step is always what Jesus says, "Come to Me, you who are weary and burdened." So we come, Lord, to You who loves us and ask that You'll show us truth and new ways of being.

So let's continue down that path here together and find out what God has in store...

What do you recommend as the first step for women out there who are really frazzled?"

Blessings

sometimes

Sometimes we know we need to change, but it’s hard to find the strength, the resolve. Maybe it’s a bad habit or addiction that we just can’t seem to kick, or a good habit that we need to start. Unfortunately, if you’re like me you may tend to rely on yourself instead of Him.

It’s when I reach that low point — the "I don’t know what I’m doing or how I’ll get through this. Please help me" moment — that relief flows even before I see God’s mercy in action. Blessings are found just in the letting go and acknowledging His control. {I imagine God smiling down at this point and thinking, “Finally. She gets it.”}

The Lord says, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness”. (2 Corinthians 12:9) How can I glorify God if I rely on my own strength?

Simply, I can’t.

The power of Jesus Christ works through our weakness.

What about you? Do you have something that you need to let go of and hand over to Him? Remember, you may struggle with sin, but Jesus Christ doesn’t, and he lives inside of you.

Blessings

Day Tripping

While we were in Jamaica we visited the Dunn's River Falls which is a famous waterfall near Ocho Rios, which attracts thousands of visitors each year.

According to Wikipedia

About 600 feet (180 m) high,[3] the waterfalls are terraced like giant stair steps of which some are man-made improvements. Several small lagoons are interspersed among the vertical sections of the falls. Climbing up the waterfalls is a popular tourist activity and is often, but not exclusively, performed with the help of tour guides from the park. It takes around 1-1.5 hours to climb with short breaks for photographs and video recordings taken by the tour guides. The falls are bordered by lush, green vegetation that shades the area from the sun. This helps keep the area cool as people try to climb the waterfall. The falls can be hiked with relative ease, often in a hand-holding human chain lead by a guide.

As we posed for one of the pictures; Wayne decided to dunk me in the falls. I would highly recommend not only going to see this amazing waterfall, but to climb it, as it is well worth the price of admission.

Blessings

Some Beach

some where. Wayne & I spent two luxurious weeks in Jamaica at the RIU Hotel in Ocho Rios. With no appointments, phone calls, or anything "to do", we totally relaxed and enjoyed our holiday at the beach front hotel.

We spent each day soaking the sun and enjoying our time sitting poolside or walking along the beach, or taking one of the paddle boats out and enjoyed the view. Regardless of what we did or didn't do; I'd say it was probably one of our best holidays ever.

Blessings

Home

Have you ever really considered what kind of emotion your house causes to rise up in you?

I finally gave it some serious thought after we returned home from a two week holiday. As we drove in the lane way and the house came into view, it really got me to thinking about this home. For years, more than I care to admit, I did not like my home. We bought the family farm and I moved into the "in-laws" house. I wanted desperately to enjoy living here. I wanted to be happy at home but I couldn’t be. For years the walls that separated us were made up of more than sheet rock and two by fours. I didn’t like her. I didn’t find her beautiful. She was a nuisance. I tried painting her; added my own flair with new furniture and decor but my feelings didn’t change. I was holding grudges against her. You may find it odd to read that but if you truly ponder it you may find that you have felt the same way at some point too.

It is a true statement that your home is a reflection of you and your innermost being. That means that if we are to ever love our home, enjoy her presence, and see her as the beautiful but imperfect space that she is then we have to change some thought patterns and deal with our emotional baggage. I know it can be tough but it is so worth it.

The first couple of years that we lived here I actually felt as though I was just a visitor with some closet space. I didn’t feel at home. Everywhere I looked there was just one more thing that I needed to change to make this house feel like mine. The kitchen with it's too low counter tops; the panelled family room that made me sad because I didn’t have a say in choosing the colors but yet I had to make it work. I didn’t think this house was “my style” either. I had issues and I blamed my house for them.

The reflection my home gave was of my emotional struggle.
I was the driving force behind my not feeling “at home” here.

With that in mind I set out to change and when I did, so did my home.

The process I took was to go room by room and change it so it was a better reflection of who I was. I slowly dealt with all the negative feelings I had towards the way it was decorated. As I dealt with each room I started realize that I was envious of the memories that these walls had had without me. I couldn’t believe some of the things I was holding against my house. Silly I know.

That’s when it hit me that homes have a persona whether we want them to or not. I saw my home as my enemy. Time and change gave me a new perspective on the ol’ girl and I’m thrilled to be able to share that.

We assign the value to our home. We interpret the character, history and charm.

Even if you don’t have much say in the style or colors of your home you can love her. Sometimes the walls that need to come down so a home can be beautiful aren’t necessarily the ones that are on the floor plans. That realization helped me to create my surroundings and not let them create me.

Blessings

129

After two lovely weeks of holidays, we've returned home.

Without Internet access I enjoyed being somewhat disconnected from the world. To be honest I did purchase an Internet time card so I could check in the family through Facebook. Since the time was at a premium I only spent a few minutes at a time to send a quick message to the kids; letting them know we were safe and having a great time.

However returning home I had over 100 e-mails and pile of junk mail to sort through. gah!

It took several minutes to sort through all the mail. I'm so thankful for that little delete button, it makes it so easy to get rid of unwanted e-mails. Now if only the snail mail could be so easily removed.

Blessings