The Challenge

After reading this - I decided that I too wanted to accept the 50 book Challenge. I’ve always loved reading.  And just like my daughter I have a wide range of genres I like to peruse from Fiction, Non-Fiction, Christian Fiction, Self-Help, Biography, Historical Fiction, yah, I know it’s mostly fiction.. .. .. After resigning from my job in April I found that without going into the office on a regular occasion it led me to not getting to the library as often as I’d like and therefore not having any books to read. Somewhere from them until the end of the 2012 year I seemed to have lost my passion for reading. So this challenge is exactly what I needed to get me back at it.

Before we left for our holidays, I had downloaded several books to my kobo and also went to the second hand store and bought several books.  I knew that I wanted to read while sitting by the pool and soaking up the sun.

To be honest I had a hard time getting back into reading ~ the first few books I really had to focus on what I was reading and to concentrate on the storyline or I found myself getting confused.

Thankfully, I persevered and ended up reading:
#1 Triplets - Molley Gregorie
#2 Acts of Malice - Perri O’Shaughnessy
#3 Secrets - Danielle Steel
#4 Extreme Measures - Michael Palmer
#5 Angles Flight - Michael Connolly

With my love for reading returning, I quickly headed out to the library to pick up some more books since we returned home. I hadn’t realized how much I loved or had missed reading.

Now I’m onto this novel #6 Low Pressure - Sandra Brown, and have Linda Howards' novel 'Up Close and Dangerous' waiting to be the 7th book . If I keep at this pace I’ll be sure to finish this challenge well before the year is up.

Thanks Krystle for this challenge - I most definitely accept!

How about you? What are you reading these days?

Blessings

Home

After being away on holidays in Jamaica for almost two weeks, I was quite excited to drive in our laneway and see our home.

HOME ~ That 4 letter word that can evoke so many different emotions!

While it was great to be away {and I'll share more after I upload the photos, get some laundry done, buy a few grocereis and am not quite so tired} I am certainly gald to be home!

Blessings

Taking a break

I'll be taking a bit of a break from blogging ~

while we enjoy our holidays in Jamaica!

Blessings

Ms. Green

As I was perusing through my file of photos on the computer - I came across this one;

and realized that each time I see it it gives me a boost of courage. {in fact, it's the new background photo on my computer}

I like to think that Ms. Green M & M with her with her luscious lips, slightly suggestive smile and white-hot go-go boots, known famously for her sometimes intimidating “I melt for no one” bravado, has just the right amount of attitude. 

We all have our favorite color of M & M. The one that you reach for first when there is a big bowl of candy staring at you. I have even heard about people who will only eat certain colors and then throw away the rest. While I think that's a bit extreme, I admit that I like to segregate and prioritize my M & M - eating experience. Yellow is always last, in case you were wondering. 
 
And then I found this:
Each color has its own special subconscious meaning.  What does your favorite say about you?
Green: I'll start with green, because thanks to the M&M ad campaign, we're all aware that a preference for green means that you're a sexual deviant. You tend to overemphasize the importance of sex in your life and often feel rejected when your date feigns a headache after you suggestively ask if he or she is into pony play. The answer is always no. Especially on the first date.
Red: If your fingers tend to gravitate toward the bright red candies in the bowl, this implies that you're confident, bold, and passionate. Red is probably the most popular M&M color choice, but you don't care. If you want red, you'll take red, consequences be damned. Let the next person who comes by seeking candy settle for their second favorite. You were there first, and you deserve the best.
Blue: People who prefer blue M&Ms are trendsetters. You like being on the cutting edge of things. Many of the traditionalists did not feel the need to add blue to the preexisting M&M color choices, but you were all for it, because you live for excitement and the unknown possibilities life has to offer. Charlie Sheen loves blue M&Ms.
Orange: You don't play by any rules, do you? Orange enthusiasts are wild, carefree, and march to the beat of their own drum. You won't often meet someone who prefers orange, but when you do, you better prepare yourself, because it's going to be a fun night.
Yellow: What is wrong with you? Yellow M&Ms are not only unnatural, but unattractive. Yellow is the least popular M&M color. People who prefer yellow M&Ms tend to go against the grain and are sometimes diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorders, which is directly linked with psychopathy. It's a fact. Ask Dr. Phil.
Brown: The traditionalist. Chocolate is naturally brown, and therefore you reason that the brown M&Ms provide the most naturally occurring color choice. You like things to be as they should. A place for everything and everything in its place, is your motto. You might have a tendency to towards a little obsessive-compulsiveness, but that's okay. Not everyone has to be cool.

How about you? What your favourite M & M?
And if your answer that you don't have a favorite and you just eat them indiscriminately, well then, that's all I need to know about you.

Blessings

so i'm not perfect

so i’m not perfect

is that a surprise?

maybe only to myself.

in my mind

i know

that no one is perfect.

and yet

i expect myself to be?

i beat myself up

when i make a mistake

i agonize over what i

should have

done differently.

i need to learn how to forgive myself

for not being perfect.

one of the hardest things to do

and yet

i know

it is a key

to a peaceful heart.

so i chose to forgive myself

and ask God to help me

release myself

from the need to be perfect

for today at least

 blessings

5 Lessons in Life

Have you ever taken a look at yourself and thought, “Girl, you’re so messed up, I can barely stand you?” I’m not talking about staring down a mirror and complaining about the shape of your nose or the crow’s feet perched beside your eyes.

I’m referring to moments when you simply don’t like yourself.

The times when you feel awkward, inadequate, friendless and unwanted. The days when your best efforts reel in disappointment instead of accolades. Moments when your actions beget disapproval and your voice crawls timid down your throbbing throat.

Perhaps the bitter feelings toward yourself surfaced after you made a mistake. Maybe you found yourself stirring a pot when you only intended to sprinkle in some seeds of goodwill. Instead of feeling like you’ve made a mistake, you might feel like you are a mistake. I’ve been there before.

For many of the battles I fought during my life, I found my most formidable opponent to be myself:
Each time I owned an error I didn’t make, I delivered a quick jab to my left
When dredged up past guilt, I landed a hook punch to my jaw
And, whenever I believed a lie about my self-worth, I dealt a severe uppercut that sent me wobbling to the floor

Time and time again I go to that miserable place where I slap on a label that reads “misfit” instead of proudly displaying the one emblazoned with “beloved.”

They tell me that I’m God’s child. That I am beautiful, wanted … adored. They tell me that I have a purpose.

I like these 5 lessons in Life from Dr. Seuss:

One reason why I share such personal anecdotes on my blog is because I know I’m not alone. I know that many of the experiences and feelings that are etched into my life are shared by others. I’m hoping that when I bring light to my own issues, I can help others feel less alienated and more whole.


Blessings

Some Days

Have you ever felt some times in your life, that the world must be spinning a little bit faster or time had some how sped up? That things in life were going a little too fast, was too much and all at the same time? A period in life where you just couldn't seem to catch your breath? It seems lately, my “to do” list keeps growing, my days keeps filling up and yet I can getting nothing or so it seems done. There is so many places to get to, things to accomplish, cleaning to do and work and laundry and .. . ..and . .. . .and . ...   I'm tired.

I was driving home from work last night and running through the list in my mind of everything I have to get done and try remember for this week. From work stuff to home stuff, to appointments, plans and commitments. Honestly it made me even more tired just thinking about it.

Some days I feel so overwhelmed and lost that I forget which way is left and right. I get confused at the littlest things. I think that when I get like this, it is my mind and body telling me to slow down. To breath.

Often times, I’m sure like many of you, I go through my day in a bit of a blur ~ not knowing whether or not I accomplished anything.  

Sometimes I just wish that life came with a pause button. I don't want a rewind button, and I’m sure I do not need a fast forward button ~ just simply a pause button. To stop the spinning, the running, the constant doing and catch my breath.

Even as I sit here and write this, I have to really stop my thoughts and focus. I can think of no less than a dozen things that need doing. And yet, they can wait, or at least that is what I am telling that little voice inside my head. For right now, for this moment, I am pressing pause. The dishes can wait, the vacuuming and the bookwork. I do not have to be any where for a few minutes. Sitting at my desk, at home in the country and I am content or at least trying to be.

When those voices start to creep in saying I should be, have to be and get going already, I silence them with this:
Matthew 11:28-30 {New Living Translation (NLT)}
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

It was in this quiet stolen moment when I had an epiphany. I can only do so much in one day, in one hour. There is no crime in stolen moments to catch my breath. It can be the same for you. We have to learn to create our own pause buttons. To put aside the stresses of everyday life, the chores and just simply; be. It is far too easy to keep running and running until you drop from exhaustion. Or we make ourselves sick because we are trying to be everywhere at the same time. We can only do ~ what we can do!

Life is what it is.

You can either go through life at mach 10, constantly doing, and miss things. Or you can learn to create your own pause button. Stop. Catch your breath. Focus on what's important and then, carry on.

Blessings

Happily Ever After

Growing up I have fond memories of watching the Disney Classics like Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and many others. 

As our kids came along we added the newer movies to our repertoire, like The Littlest Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin and so on. 

And when I am sick theses are the movies I turn to.  They help me pass the many hours sitting on the couch trying to get better.  But, have you ever noticed that each movie had the same type of story line?  That good triumphs over evil, the heroine always gets the prince and of course they always live happily ever after.

However; happily ever after doesn’t look like the movies, nor does it look like the fairy tales.  Happily ever after is not being swept off my feet without a care in the world, having my every need met without ever speaking a word. Happily ever after is when I express my needs not expecting others to guess them. Happily ever after is when we both put in the time, the communication, the thoughtfulness, the work. 

But mostly, happily ever after is what I choose to make of my circumstance.

How about you? Are living in your happily ever after?

Blessings

ass~u~me

The thing about women is that we always assume the girl next door, the women across the aisle, the mom with the baby-on-board sign, your husband’s best friend’s wife, your cousin, great aunt or the stranger in the dressing room next to you at the mall has it figured out.

Whether “it’s” how to balance motherhood, or how to manage her temper or style her hair or stock her fridge or connect with her husband or make new friends, or well, anything else really. We’re always certain we’re the only one who feels awkward or incompetent or left out or frumpy or you-name-it.

We been attending a new church for the past several months now, and I wondered if I was the only one who felt squirmy awkward in her skin during the “shake each others hands and greet someone” section of the worship service; that we have on most Sundays.   After all, my thinking was that we’re new and shouldn’t they be making us feel welcome.   And I sort of thought God might be nudging me to do something about it.

I resisted for a good long time.    

And then one day after church I found myself walking over and signing up for a Ladies Bible study.

Oh boy! ~ what have I gone and done now.. .. .. . I have huge anxiety walking in to a room alone where everyone else knows each other and I am new and don’t really know a soul and then I have to find a place to sit… and. ..  gah!

But lo and behold, it’s never, no never as bad as I imagine it to be.  I over assume things and end up scared out of my mind.  Getting to know each other can be hard and perhaps a little uncomfortable ~ but I’m learning that making friends doesn’t happen overnight or even over a handshake at church. 

So when I meet new women now I’m over assuming that they’ve got it all figured out. Especially the friend part.

I know now, that maybe all I have to do is ask and there’ll be a new friend waiting on the other side of the question.   

Blessings

Time and again

I read a quote recently that said, “The more you are doing, the less well you are doing most, if not all, of it.”

Over-activity is one area of life where “less” is truly “more”.

You may THINK you can do it all, but reality says, you can’t. Superwoman does not live here and chances are, she doesn’t live at your house either. Why can’t we get it all done? Because we live, breath, and work within the confines of something over which we have no control. That one thing in life is that which no matter who we are, where we come from, or what we do, we’re all given the exact same amount of.

TIME.

You can’t buy more of it, you can’t earn it, you can’t control it, you can’t make it go by faster, you can’t make it go by slower, you can’t make it stop, you can’t erase it, you can’t multiply the hours within it. The seconds tick away to minutes and minutes into hours. We live within it’s limitation of 24 hours a day. Period.

Time is guaranteed to no one. The only control you will ever have over it ~ is what you fill it with.

Each moment we get in life is a gift. 

 As I’ve grown older I have come to appreciate Time more. What I am slowly realizing is that I need to spend my time consciously and with thought. I need to carve time out of my day for the important things. Laughter. Fun. Making memories with the people I love. I need to dedicate time to the things that matter most to me. Not in yesterday or last year or too much in tomorrow. But right now. Because really, right now is all that we’ve got.

The truth is ~ we only have one chance at this life. Don’t let the world tell you how to spend such a priceless gift. Don’t waste your time worrying about what other people think of you, or living under the expectations of others.

Ask God first. He may have better ideas for you. After all, He’s the giver of your every day. He’s the one who created the day and night, the months, and years. He’s the one who dreamed up the seasons. He’s the one who knew the moment you would take your first breath. He’s the one who knows the moment you will take your last.

Psalm 90:12 {New Living Translation (NLT)}
“Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom”.

Time seems to fly by so fast. But in truth ~ time is nothing but steady and consistent. Seconds into minutes, minutes into hours and hours into days.

Our time is precious ~ we need to use it wisely.

Blessings

Talkin' to Myself

I have conversations with myself all the time. Not out -loud- people- look- at- me -weird - because- I -am- talking -to -myself -conversations; but inside my head conversations. Often I am like my own therapist, asking myself questions and then thinking on them awhile before answering ~ myself. The talking to myself part probably stems from thinking too much.

There are times though that I wish I could invent an On/Off switch that could be implanted in my head, as I would love to just shut my brain off and relax once in awhile. But until that happens, I am left with my thoughts and my deep philosophical conversations with myself.

My thoughts tend to be like a movie montage. Scrolling along until my subconscious reaches up and plucks one down. By spending time talking with ourselves, we are ultimately helping ourselves sort through the stuff. 

Talking through them, either in your own head or even out loud as I’ve also been known to do while I walk solitary down the country road, 

 can help us with dealing with past hurts and lead to healing.

Learning to let things go is something that that little voice inside my head often whispers to me, let it go. 

Just. Let. It. Go. 

I can not do anything to change the past, but I sure as heck do not have to carry it with me to the future.  You see it's all {my past, present and future} part of an intricate plan. Sure there will be more life lessons and probably some hard times ahead and from time to time I need to myself of this: Jeremiah 29:11 {New International Version (NIV)}“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

And as long as I trust in the One who has my future planned, I’m in good hands.

You are too! Remember that.

Blessings

One Word

As you are picking your phrases, your resolutions, your one words, your goals for 2013, I hope your families and friends are an encouragement to you.

As you consider what this year will hold, consider also this:
What does your life hold right now?
Who do you want to be?
What character trait do you want to intentionally develop?
How do you want to live your life?

In my own personal resolution revolution, I started choosing just One Word to focus on all year.

Just One Word, because that's easy to remember all year long. I'll even place visible reminders of it around my home and workspace, helping to keep my word before me. It’s become a spiritual discipline of sorts.

This is my second year choosing One Word and I want it to stand as a touchstone: a reminder not of what I need to do, but of who I want to be.

It becomes the filter through which I make decisions; the home-base to which I return when I’m unsure which way to go. It forces clarity and helps me concentrate my efforts, energy, and time on intentional growth.

It’s a simple concept, but not an easy one. My One Word has always been a challenge more than a comfort.  It's like a pebble in my shoe ~ and unavoidable nuisance, a constant nudge, a discomfort that coause me to walk differently.

There’s love/hate relationship that I have with my One Word ~ and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I figure if it doesn’t scare me at least a little, it’s probably not the right word.

Will you join me?
Quiet your heart and see what word rises to the surface.

Let’s focus this year not on doing more, but on being who we were created to be.

Blessings

Pair of Nines

I sit here
solemn and quiet with no music or laughter filling this space.
No more Christmas lights twinkle
giving us a delicate reminder of what’s to come.
Everything was put away yesterday.
 
And it’s quiet.

I’m not feeling great
and wonder if I should stay at home today
but then I shake my head
to clear that thought
and say
Suck it up! Charge Ahead!

I try
to suck it up
to do the daily routine
to meet expectations
I must try to function
or at least pretend
Does anyone see through me?

My insides scream
“I can’t function!”
Yet here I am.

Juggling everything that’s needed to maintain what you call a normal life,
knowing deep inside me that
I. Just. Can’t.
I can’t do it all and you know what?
Neither should you.

We all have our own set of limitations
a set of cards we’ve been dealt to live with
and while I've been given a pair of nines,

you're holding a royal flush 
making there no way for me to compete against you.

But
God is here
always up for a chat
and He loves me
exactly as I am
exactly this minute
and He sits with me
and comforts me.

And in a few moments
or maybe a day or two
it just might
be better.

So I sit
knowing that today
“The Lord is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
Psalm 23: 1 {New Living Translation}

Blessings

Authentic

It is that time of year when folks are doing two things. {Well, three things, but we aren’t going to discuss overeating during the holidays…}

The first is lamenting everything they didn’t get done this year. To that I say, time spent regretting time wasted is just more time wasted. {No, that quote isn’t original with me.} My take on things undone is to briefly take stock, learn from it, and move on.

The other thing folks are doing is thinking about next year and making resolutions. The unending optimists among us will list things like “lose 125 pounds by February 1″, “never eat out all year” and “exercise every day for an hour while only feeding my family completely organic, fresh, non-processed food”. To them I say, phooey on you.

I am so thankful that I am old enough to realize that New Year’s Resolutions are a waste of time.

Now, goals and lists of things we hope to accomplish… are another thing altogether.  As a dedicated list maker, I can buy into that. And since most bloggers are posting their reading lists and project lists for the year… well … last year I decided to do something different! Remember this?

And I’m doing it again only this time my one word for 2013 is authentic and according to dictionary.com it means;
1. not false or copied; genuine; real: an authentic antique,  2. entitled to acceptance or belief because of agreement with known facts or experience; 3. reliable; trustworthy.

I realize this could seem like a bit of a carry over from my 2012 word of honesty. But after much prayer, I  believe God is calling me to live, be and act as authentically as He made to be.  So what does being authentic look like?

Good question.. .

As I begin my year, I wonder, are you willing to journey with me as I figure that out?

Blessings