My Vice

The local library is probably one of my favourite hangouts. I could and do spend countless hours there.  Looking at books, finding new authors and trying to decide which books to borrow.

One of my favourite websites is the Huron County Library.  It's a place where I can peruse the new books by my favourite authors, find out about new authors and with a membership I can reserve those books that catch my attention.

I've found many new authors whom I love to read: James Patterson, Julia Widdows, Nora Roberts, Sandra Brown, Michael Connolly, Emil Giffen, Kristin Hannah, David Baldacci, Jodi Piccoult, Lisa Gardiner, Nicholas Sparks to name only a few. On days like today I find myself sitting on the gazebo, with an iced tea ~ reading. I know I should probably be cleaning, or doing laundry, starting the bookwork, even working in the garden.  But no, I find myself lost in another world with reading. I find that I get totally absorbed with the storyline, falling in love with the characters and all their quirks.  In fact at the end of one such book, I was in tears when the main character died.

Usually I'll have two or three, sometimes even four books on the go, quite often in different genres since my mood usually determines what I want to read. I read alot of mystery fiction, but I try to toss in a few biographies, some non-fiction and even some self help books.

Currently I'm reading '5'th Horseman' by James Patterson {it`s book 5 in the Women's Murder Club series},  'Self Incrimination' by Randy Singer, and my non-fiction read is 'Fearless' by Max Lucado. Don't worry though, I am quite adept at keeping the story lines separate. In fact, I've amazed a few of my friends at my ability to remember and recount books that I've read over the years.

Sometimes I feel like Belle in Disney's Beauty in the Beast movie where she goes to the bookstore looking for a new book and when there is nothing new she borrows her favourite ~ AGAIN.

I have several books in my own home library that I love to read again and again. 

There are times I must admit that I judge a book by it's cover or title. Sometimes I'm lucky and the book is phenomenal, other times I start reading only to be disappointed and end up not finishing the novel. I've learned that there are too many good books to waste my time reading bad books. I don't give up however, I continue to visit the library weekly, search authors websites and continue to borrow many books.

What are you reading these days?

Blessings

Too True

What are the words you wonder about in the middle of the night, the quiet moments, the waiting at the stoplight?

What are you afraid to believe but really, really wish you could?

I’m loved,
I really can do this.
I’m chosen for a purpose.

Whatever it is, it’s scandalously true.

Not because you dreamed it up. Or you think it would be nice. Or maybe you’ve finally earned it.

It’s true because the God who spoke the world into being has whispered His heart to you too…

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is HIS love for those who fear Him {Psalm 103:11}

I can do all this through him who gives me strength. {Philippians 4:13}

This is what the Lord says…"I have called you by name, you are mine." {Isaiah 43:1}

We don’t have to just wish. We can deep-in-our-bones know.

Easy?

Nope, not in this fallen world. But with the One Who Loves Us and each other it really is possible.

What’s one truth your heart is holding on to right now?

Blessings

My Health

It’s been two and a half years now since I have been determined to find out what ails me.

Two and a half years.

Since then I've had numerous complications and issues that have baffled specialists, so much that I've seen handfuls of them. I’ve had countless tests; ECHO’s ECG‘s, EMG‘s, X-rays, blood tests, and swabs. I’ve been to numerous clinics having even more tests amongst many other things that I shant bore you with.

And nothing, let me repeat that NOTHING has been determined. And nothing has helped.Thankfully, I have the wonderful support of my husband and kids who are genuinely concerned with what’s happening. And to be honest it’s quite frustrating when there doesn’t seem to be any answers. Trying to explain my un-wellness, to others has been disheartening. Without an official diagnosis from a doctor, people tend to think my concerns are all in my head. Are you kidding me? You think I am making this crap up? You think I really want to be struggling with all these complications?

So, when having a conversation with one of those people, I mentally float off, away from my body entering the mental space where I reason emotions with logic, and have a conversation with myself. I know where this is going. We have tried. I have tried. The medical system has tried. I knew what was coming down the pipe and even though I am tired of trying to explain myself to those people, I still do.

I think it’s time to say to myself, "It's time to accept the inevitable. To stop looking for answers that are not to be found. To accept my lot in life.”

I’m frustrated and overwhelmed.

But want to be a walking example that He loves His perfect creations in spite of their past.

I want to have a Quality of life.

Hmmm. What does that exactly mean?  My quality of life tends to evolve around whether my body chooses to work with or against me. The last few years have proven to be more of the latter. This isn't living life. This is a constant state of worry, fear, discomfort, frustration and pain. This is me holding onto something for the sake of....what, exactly? Fear of the unknown? I'm not sure.

It’s time to accept it and allow myself the freedom that even though this might not be what I had in mind at this stage of my life - it’s HIS and I will be ok. Learning to not only know my limitations but to accept them.

After I made that decision a gentle peace started to waft over me and I knew this was the right decision. Eventually, I’ll tell a few of my closest friends. Hoping that no one will laugh out loud. That no one will scoff or roll their eyes or patronize me.

Blessings

The Only One

What I have to offer won’t fill both hands. I don’t have loads of money and I am not that talented. I’m not a very good friend and I let being an introvert determine my day. I yell at my dog and nag at my husband. I’m never caught up on housework and I’m usually overwhelmed. Some days are lonely and too often I listen to the voice that whispers, “you are not good enough to do this.” There are nights I lay awake riddled with guilt and regret.

Am I the only one?

With every login, every click thru, nearly every e-mail, has the potential to make me feel so inadequate.

The beautiful homes on Pinterest shine a light on my ancient old farm house with the many piles of laundry and dirty dishes piled on the counter, waiting for me.

The bloggers with their gorgeous photography point out how badly I need a lesson on how to use my camera.

Every new success on Facebook reminds me of my failures.
It’s so very easy to get sucked in, isn’t it?

To feel like the only one.

But as I sat and thought over that statement, I realized that it's true. Just not the way I thought.

We tell ourselves, "I'm the only one who struggles, feels lonely sometimes, wonders if what I'm doing matters."

Let me tell you a little secret. We all feel that way. And it's not about failure - it's about being human.

But this is what's true: "I'm the only one who can fulfill God's purpose for my life, with the gifts, talents, abilities that He has entrusted to me. Knowing that I can hang on to the promise that He will be with me every step of the journey that He's chosen for my life."

It's not about the beginning {I'm the only one who...} instead it's about how we finish the rest of the sentence.

We all, each of us, are in different seasons of life. We make different choices, and God has different plans. Jealousy can so quietly slip in until we’re nearly suffocated, and can’t even hear God’s Spirit. The deeper you move into God's calling for your life, will, hopefully, give you a greater confidence to say “I’m the only one ….”

Yes, you are the only one.
But you are not alone.
There is a beautiful and powerful difference between the two.

If you think of the unknown people of the Bible. They are mentioned because their minuscule existence changed the very course of history.

God uses all kinds of people and He specializes in the ordinary.

God’s view of you is far beyond anything you could imagine. As you walk in your God given identity, you are transforming the world around you. You are bringing the authority of heaven to earth. -Jane Hoyt

You were created for a purpose. It may seem small, but it matters.

He created you exactly like you are. He has ordained a specific purpose for you. It’s hard not to look at your “I cant’s and I’m not’s”. But we need to realize that He created each of us and within each of us lies the possibility to fulfill what He has called us too.

Blessings

Shop-a-holics Anonymous

Hello my name is Anita, and I hate shopping.

I know, I know, I am a bit odd, since most women love to shop. I guess I don't quite fit in with all the 'normal' women.

There is just too much stress. To find not only the right style, but the right colour, then there is the whole size thing. In one store I was a 4; then I walk to another store and magically I turn into an 8. um what? How did that happen? Julia Roberts in the movie "Pretty Woman" makes it look so easy.

Thankfully, Krystle was able to come along. With her sense of style and persuasive way, I was able to find and purchase shorts, a skirt, and several different shirts.

To be honest, I would likely never go shopping, but since it allows me an opportunity to spend time with my girl, and we treat ourselves to a Venti Tazo Soy Chai Latte at Starbucks, I think I can manage a shopping spree once or twice a year.

Blessings

Wander, Wonder, hear him Whisper

I am learning to live in the tension of uncertainty.

To simply embrace it, rather than fight it. Because contending with it doesn’t get me anywhere. It doesn’t yield answers or bring clarity or cause lightbulb moments of understanding.

Because honestly, more often than not, there aren’t really answers to be found.

God promised to redeem all things. He never said they’d make sense.

That’s why He gives peace that surpasses our understanding. While there’s a lot I will never understand, I can be anchored by peace even in the chaos.

God shines brightest in contradictions. There is wholeness in brokenness. Sufficiency in weakness. Strength in surrender. Honor in humility.

I’ve also found Him to be ever-present in those moments and seasons that can seem uncertain. Those situations that pull the rug out from under me and even those that seem to shatter my world.

He is right there with me in those painful, dark, confusing times. Ever calling me to trust and to let go of my need to understand.

And so I am choosing to live in the tension of the uncertain, because I know that redeeming what is hopeless is His specialty…

It's to trust in the waiting.

Did you know that it has been calculated that if we add up the amount of time we spend waiting in a day, say waiting for the kettle to boil, waiting in a grocery store line, waiting on the phone, we spend over two hours a day simply waiting for some thing to happen. At the end of our lives, we will have spent roughly six years and three months simply waiting.

I suppose the question now should be - what do we do with that time? Because no-one likes waiting, waiting time is often seen as wasted time.

We live in an 'instant results' society, where we are told that we do not need to wait for anything. Credit card companies give us the assumption of why wait….. holidays, new cars, new clothes could be ours now - buy now, pay later.

Waiting time in our society is often seen as the equivalent of wasting time, but for God's children time is wasted when we try to do things in our own strength. We will never know how much time was wasted by Moses when he tried to do God's work in his own strength, or by Abraham when he tried to apply the wisdom of the world to the work of God, how much time and energy is wasted, how much unnecessary suffering and anxiety can be caused when we run the race on our own.

“Do not be anxious about anything,” says Paul, “but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” {Philippians 4:6}

Waiting is not idleness. Some of the hardest working people I know are called waiters. “Is everything all right , sir? Can I get you anything, sir? What is your order, sir?” 

Waiting on God is serving God. We are here to do His will. “Is everything all right , Lord? Can I get you anything, Lord? What is your order, Lord?”

God's time is not our time, his ways are not our ways. Waiting does not come naturally to many of us, and as much as we might hate it, it is a key part of God's purpose to teach us, to strengthen us, to lift us high. A another key part of God's ways of teaching us is listening, a part of trusting, many of us suffer disappointments because we don't listen. 

Don't lose heart, God knows all about it. And what's more as you wait for the answer, know that you will be growing, as you rest in his presence, he will lift you high.

Blessings

Bloomin' beautiful

As I walked around the farm house I took a few pictures of the bloomin' beautiful flowers.

My purple iris.

 The purple & pink, petunias, verbena and calibrachoa.

 My two-tier planter with pink geranium, purple osteospermum, spider plant, licorice, fibre optic grass, purple wave petunia, potato vine and english ivy.

 My kettle with pink double impatiens and dusty miller.

 The same purple & pink, petunias, verbena and calibrachoa in an urn.

If you haven't already guessed, I am a pink & purple kind of gal!

Blessings