The Pour House

Writers live in fear of sitting down one day and having nothing to write. There have been seasons in which I’ve sat down to write a post and struggled with a howling vacancy.

Since starting this blog I have written a myriad of posts. Some are well-written, other are just random babblings as I figure things out. This year I’m determined to be more honest, oohh not to you really, but to me. I want to be honest about the who, what, where, when, why & how of my very existence. So it makes me especially fearful of having nothing much to write about.

If there’s nothing doing, then I have to face two startling truths:
1. I have not been resting with God, waiting on God, or doing anything else much with God lately.
2. I need to post something honest and true rather than posting something just to have “fresh content.”

Among other benefits, blogging has forced me to face my seasons of spiritual emptiness and struggle. When I need to “pour out” posts on a regular basis, I have a continual reminder to stay on track with God. If not, I risk being a fraud.

I think this is why serving others is so important in Christianity. Serving others, whether by writing, hospitality, prayer, or whatever else. Service forces us to depend on God’s resources. If we don’t depend on God filling us up, we’ll become exhausted as we scrape the dregs from our own lives.

Sometimes I try to pour something from God into the life of someone else and come up empty. That is what I fear in life. I fear being empty of God’s influence, having only my own wisdom and experience to share.

As you enter a weekend that will hopefully have a fair share of rest and restoration, may your cup spill over with God’s presence. And as you begin next week, I pray that you’ll be able to share God’s blessings with at least one other person.

That, after all, is why we’re here.

Blessings

something

Have you ever had one of those amazing thoughts of something you want to do? Your heart beats wildly for a few minutes or even a few days and you thought to yourself, “I’m going to do this!”

But then the reasons you can’t start coming. They suit up, start marching and aim their weapons of discouragement right at your heart. So, in the end the amazing thought becomes a fleeting thought.

And you think to yourself, “Yeah, it was a dumb idea.” Then as quickly as the stir of passion started, it fades.

Too many of us live in the depressing grey shades of a thousand faded passions that might have been.

Because we’re afraid.

We’d rather stay safe and under the radar – then go big and possibly flop big.

But every now and then someone rare comes along. They would rather die than say, “I wish I would have…” Instead, they grit their teeth, lift their raw souls to God, and scream above all the naysayers, “I will! By God I will!”

I want to be able to do that. I do not want to live my life in fear.

But I’m SCARED. Life has become a disillusionment to me and everyday that I just keep moving without stopping to get a hold of myself and my life, I’m one more day lost. And the days are going by in a blur.

Something in the last couple of years has changed and now I’m just tired and depressed. I need to come back.

I need to take an inventory of my life, my goals, my purpose. I want to be a wise woman, and a women with depth. Right now, I’m a shell of what I used to be…or who I hoped I’d become.

I need a plan for my life, and I intend to get on with it.

I love my kids, and I love my husband and I am so thankful for our home and the life God has given me. He is so good and so patient and so gentle.

But a life rushed or lost is not a full life, and I need to be filled. I don’t want to regret my life and how I lived it. The time is now.

"I have tried to make a habit over the years of not listening to people who either criticize me or praise me. Spirituality is a really mysterious thing, and I feel as though I have received various coordinates from God over the years in terms of what I need to be spending my time and my work on, and that’s really what I’m listening to. If following faithfully along those coordinates puts me in a season of praise with a certain group of people, that’s fine — but I don’t do it to get in those graces, and neither am I upset if that also costs me some people along the road. I would much rather be faithful than successful…”- Derek Webb

Blessings

while i wait

Living in a place of preparation and uncertainty can be stressful, draining, and unfulfilling. You’re always waiting for the next thing. You don’t know what you’re supposed to do each day because you feel like you were made to do something else.

While having my coffee this morning I sensed that God really does have things to teach us and to develop in us at the times when we feel stuck or in between or simply uncertain. He gives us opportunities to grow, and we’ll simply never know how He may use something to shape us.

I’ve learned a lot about that throughout my life lately. Things have not followed the path that I’d chosen for myself and planned out, but at the same time, I have what I need and God continues to teach me things I never expected to learn.

I suppose this is part of what faith looks like: we take steps forward each day into the uncertainties of life, trusting that we can hear God today and move forward, trusting Him with the results.

At the end of the day, if we can give God the glory for where He has led us, we may also find that we’ve ended up right where we belong.

I don’t know why this is, but it’s always easier to panic and worry than to stop and seek God’s leading. Why is that? Perhaps worry at least feels like we have some semblance of control.

The last verse of Matthew’s Gospel shares this from Jesus, “Be sure of this: I am with you always, even until the end of the age.”

It’s a comfort to know that we have a God who not only sends us into the world to do His work, but He promises to go with us. If we can stop, wait, and listen for His leading, He’ll be there for us. Perhaps He won’t show up in ways that we expect, but as we discipline ourselves to wait patiently, something the Psalms talk about quite a bit, we’ll find that He is more than able to give us the faith and hope to survive our gaps.

I wish I knew why some folks go through tougher or longer gaps than others. In my own life, I’ve noticed that God sometimes delays giving me things that I want because either A) I’m not ready to do anything worthwhile with them or B) I don’t really need them.

If we are in a relationship with a God who promises to be with us, we need to lean heavily on that promise during the gaps in our lives. A gap between what we know and what we want presents us with the uncomfortable but valuable lesson that we can have joy when God alone sustains us.

We just may find that we’ll be better prepared for the next season in our lives if we learn from the gaps.

Blessings

One thing leads to another

It’s very easy for me to get sidetracked when I am at the computer. The other day, I started at
Mennonite Girls Can Cook and followed the link to

For Everything a Season and followed the link to

Nothing but blue sky and followed the link to

Happily Ever After and followed the link to

A Tasty Kitchen and followed the link to

A Spicy Perspective and before you know it, I'd been sitting at the computer for hours.

If you've read every post on each blog {like I did!} you'll soon realize why I can't get anything done in a day!

Blessings

Zielman Spa & Retreat Centre

For the past, mmhmhmm, not sure how many years it's been now; my mom, my sister, my daughter and I gather for a mini retreat and spa day. It's been at my mom's house for several years, but with Krystle recently purchasing a new home; she was keen to host.

So we gathered yesterday and feasted on a super yum dinner of Chinese food and enjoyed great conversation with each other. We watched the movie The Help and ended up chatting until 3:00 am. This morning we were treated to a delectable brunch of Belgium waffles, strawberries, muffins, croissants, pineapple, bacon, orange juice and tea. What a treat! Then the spa fun began. With foot baths, manicures, & facials we were certainly spoiled.

It was such a delightful way to spend the weekend. Thanks for hosting Krystle. I am really looking for next years.

Blessings

Let me tell you a secret

I feel like I should tell you something. sshhh, you can't tell anyone. OK... here it is.

I don’t do it all. I can’t. I simply can’t. And. .. really . . neither can you. At least, I assume you can’t. I just want to make sure I’m not putting off a false impression. You know, we tend to do that. We see other women who seem to have have it all together and we wish we could too. I commend those who volunteer at the food bank, home school their kids, help the elderly, work a 40 hour week and the list goes on. But that's not for me.

My house is NOT spotless. I prioritize some things higher than a spotless house. It is picked up (mostly), but not extraordinarily clean. The baseboards remain undusted more often than not. The windows need washing. The floors could stand to be swept. The cupboards need re-organizing.

Just because something is important to me – it may not be important to you. Just because something is important to you – it may not be important to me. You may be an impeccable housekeeper by nature, but you may not like to plan dinner. There is so much grace in motherhood and womanhood. There are so many ways to be – and an equal number of ways not to be. When you consciously let go of the expectation of doing things you don’t value, you create room to do the things that are important to you.


It's all about grace. Grace.

And it's OK, cause you ARE enough.

What I am saying is this.. . ... don’t let your choices make you feel inferior. Use your power of choice to create room in your life to pursue what is important to you, what makes you tick, what gets you going, what makes you passionate. Saying no to one thing allows you to do something else. Refusing to do something out of obligation or guilt allows you to put time into what you value and what your family values.

Don’t let society, or blogs, or other women, or the way your mom did things rule the way you live your life. Don’t mop your floor everyday because your mother would wag her finger at you if you didn’t... . ..mop that floor everyday ONLY (only, only, only!!) if you feel like singing while you do it, if it makes you come alive. Do things because you actively make the decision to do them, not passively because you feel like you ought.

Choosing to make time to read a book or do a craft or pursue a passion is not idle. It is not unworthy. You do not need to be dictated by our high-performing, high-achieving, never-resting, always-moving society. No one gets a medal on their deathbed for cleanest showers.

Pursue the things and ideas and people you love. Let go of the things that hinder that pursuit. After all, sometimes crumbs on the floor make people feel at home - able to just be in a place and with a person that isn’t perfect either.

We don’t have to do it all.

Women don’t/can’t/won’t ever be able to do it all. And that's OK!

Blessings

facebook free february

after reading this blog and her decision to go without facebook for one month. i was convicted. and realized that this could be and would be a really, really good thing for me to do as well. facebook has been wonderful for me. it's helped me to re-connect with old friends, it keeps me in the loop with what‘s going with my family, it’s like a tiny window into the world.

but it’s becoming or i guess already has become a bit of an addiction. you see, i check facebook regularly. and by regularly i don’t mean only once or twice a day. by regularly i mean one or twice an hour and yes, i do read all that has transpired since my last check in. i get quite frustrated with myself and my need to see whose doing what and who’s thinking this. i mean what did we do before facebook. we never knew that so and so was doing this or that he was heading off to wherever or that she would be venting about that.

so, every time i feel like checking a status update, i will instead take that time to pray. and every time i feel like i need to know what others are doing, i'll have to ask them when i see them next.

i needed to make this difficult decision at least for the month of february otherwise i’m allowing facebook to dictate my life. i’m always saying you need to make time in your life for the important things and really, does facebook, merit that kind of status?

so.. . ... i'll let you know how things go.

Blessings